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Unlocked 09.11.07 - YouTube link Added 01.28.09
11:40 PM, Tuesday, March 6th, 2007:
The weeks have turned into days, have turned into hours. The 81 degree day yesterday has turned into 6 months ago. It is a strange setting and the romantic in me can't help but giggle at the foreshadowing of being slapped in the face by the cold bitter truth as I step foot in Manhattan. However this city has always been good to me so as all negative thoughts have been lately, this one too is fleeting...
...kinda. I am a little apprehensive as we approach this meeting. I have told everyone about this. It has settled into everyone's consciousness and is a foregone conclusion. Everyone knows what this can turn into and no matter how much I try to remind myself that nothing is final, I too get swept up in the grandeur of it all. The thought of getting anything even slightly negative in terms of news tomorrow is sickening. It would be a devastation I've never known. Making those calls...christ I can't even imagine. The thing is, we all know what I can do once I get the show - but we all know how things disappear overnight. There's no business like show business.
Of course it was this day exactly 6 months ago that I got a magical phone call and my life changed forever. All of the sudden I was in this surreal journeyland where everything worked out. Riding that wave has lead me back to Manhattan, typing on my laptop in some swanky hotel, and having a meeting with the head of late night about getting my own show. A show that he thought of and he named. In the scheme of things, you can't ask for more than that. I've also had the opportunity to prove to them what I could do with the Egos bits every week and that will serve as a bit of a "pilot" jumping a few of the hurdles of my anonymity. I've been a member of the CBS family for half a year now and they're promoting one of their own. It all fits...
...but I'm still antsy. I'm sick to my stomach, anxious, nervous, stressed, FREEZING. Just trying to put everything out of my mind. The freezing cold certainly has a way of calming that fire...freezing that fire. Man, freezing the fire is really what "making it" feels like. It's periods where yur body is READY! RUNNING! LET'S GO! But you have to turn it off. I wrote an entry about it during America's Got Talent. You have no choice but to wait even though your entire being is running laps. This is not an easy industry. It's quite apparent why people shave their heads and go to rehab.
Well I'm done for the night. I spent the better part of the past two days stressing about this and turned that energy into 10 DVDs of Adam & The Egos for everyone out here in New York. I edited all the kids out and made it one long 40 minute bit at the request of Simon, then figured...hey this would be a nice gift. It's also my way of saying: "I'm kinda done doing all the work here". LOL. "Here's a big commemorative disc of 'the way things were'". Heh. Oh and there's all THOSE questions too! The meeting at 2:30 with Steve after the 12:30 meeting with Vinnie. What will happen with Living Room Live, what capacity I'll continue to do that in... AHHH.
Must try and sleep. Remember to breathe. Stay Warm.