It was tough in
2004 when I han't accomplished
anything...
...even
then I was singing about the insanity of
it all. So hyper-aware of how out of place
I was selling the LIBOR loan when I
could do every facet of The
Egos.
Five years later
it just hardens me with every step. I have to make a
video of it and watch it 20 times as I fall asleep
just to allow it into my brain. Another sales gig.
Another complete re-wiring of my synapses to make it
through. I'm sure newcomers can still find it
interesting to see the character in a tie doin' a desk
job, but go relive 2002-2006. It's not interesting.
It's underachieving at it's best. This is just a
transition I'm gonna have to work
through...
...or will I? Man,
I can't tell you how creative you get at work
when you're trying to scheme up other ways to make the
same money you think you'll be making doin' this
god-awful racket. I made 5 inquiries yesterday
alone. If anything, this is like a "test week" because
next week I go back to Columbus for 3 weeks as I focus
on all things "The Journey" to prepare for the
show on the 2nd, and the shoot on the 3rd. Then
I will come back and make 100 calls a day like
I'm in "Pursuit of Happiness". Even though I feel
I could produce "Pursuit of Happiness".
And that my friends, is Hollywood in a nutshell.
I am not alone. I am not unique in this feeling
whatsoever. Making it is knowing 99% of the time you
are underachieving while dreaming of the 1% where you
have the opportunity to "show your stuff".
Man I cannot
believe I didn't pull it off this year. How? I've
never felt a momentum avalanche of this degree...
EVER. You know, it's honestly going to happen and I'm
barely gonna blink an eye. Man it is no wonder I can't
choose love. Forget the personal heartbreaks in my
life... look at all of them as a whole? You just get
hardened. I am hardened. I don't even wonder
if that little boy will jump around again when the
next break comes, because I barely give a shit if it
does.
This is clearly a
bad day. LMAO. I'm gonna stop making proclomations and
put the video together. Being humbled has its place
though. "Yeah you're the shit, but you won't be it for
long...there's always someone cooler than you."
THAT'S THE SONG I'LL put under the video.
SWEET. And I'll post it riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
here:
Thank you Ben
Folds. It's too bad my "boner art" is this website. If
I was really able to funnel all of my passion into
music, I think I could've made a splash or two... but
it's just not in me. Music is a facet, and by itself
just bores me. I love the multimedia aspect of this
way too much. I will die penniless and insane.
Guaranteed. :-)
There may be some
shots you don't understand in that video, and as I
said in the last entry - read into it. Make up your
own stories. I simply don't have it in me to lay it
all out on the table right now.
