With eyes wide
shut I step into this. Though I find comfort in the
direction, I can't even begin to tell you how
exhausting the pattern is. This is 2003-2005 a bit of
'06, '08 and even part of this year until I quit
because of the Comedy Central break. It's "The Journey
U-Turn" when all your career dreams have crashed and
you have to save the house, and focus on the realities
of life: we all need money. It's not colorful, it's
not exciting, it is however... the truth. Thanks to an
old friend in the loan business, Monday morning I
start with a company that specializes in credit
repair. Helping people track down the bad shit on
their credit reports and fixing their score so they
can qualify for home loans, etc. Kinda cool 'cause
it's shit I did all the time when I was doin' loans.
As a loan officer you become an expert at credit
scores and how to improve them in a matter of days.
Thankfully it's bona-fide: helping people.
You're fighting the credit companies for them,
so they can improve their credit scores enough to get
the loan they need... from someone else. We have
nothing to do with that. We just help direct them on
the best way to improve their score...
...the consumer in
me hates this whole "credit score" racket though. Your
life is defined by 3 numbers that you need to PAY
someone to even SEE (oh you can get the report for
free, but the elusive numbers?!? You pay). It's
bullshit. Then once you get the numbers? You have
hardly any information on how to track down the
creditors, the mistakes, and usually if you're
looking? You're also on a conveyor belt to a deadline
for fixing it because you're buying a big-ticket item.
So I understand the need, am glad I can help and
actually make money with my knowledge, etc... but I
still get annoyed with the trappings of capitalism.
It's all designed to keep us working, keep us spending
and keep us "living for the weekends" when we can
watch football on a big tv, see commercials to entice
us to buy more shit... so we go back to work on
Monday. But hey, I watch football on a big tv. So
I'm going back to work on Monday.
:-)
If this all seems
incredibly depressing to you, understand that I'm
pretty happy. I have a hop in my step, I have
direction, and I'm doin' alright. The reason? I know
it's temporary. I know it doesn't define me. Actually,
that's not completely true - it DOES define me. I will
work a "shitty sales job" in order to keep this dream
alive. I will turn into "Captain Businessman" and do
really, really well at it... it is the foundation of
this site. Scheming a way to survive... and keeping it
entertaining to those of you who are waiting to
see "what happens next?".
And
yes, this can be entertaining. But usually
during the breakdown. :-) See I am able to
push myself so hard, for so long, be
driven by money for so many months until I
inevitably crack... as I'm starting to in
this video from 2006. It was the start of
the "America's Got Talent" buzz and it was
all I could do to stay in my seat. It's
kinda fun watching the character in this
story play this role. Heh only "The
Journey" could make this service road
colorful.
The other thing
this period will do, is rev me up for "the fight". I,
am, exhausted. I need a break from "the industry". I
need a break from the allure of stardom. I need
to look at the sunlight. I need to curl up on the
couch and watch a movie. I need to enjoy the
holidays. I need to be human again. I am
whooooooooped. I can barely complete the steps
(headshots/uploads/resume) needed for my new agent to
submit me because my heart is simply not "in" the
"making it" game at the moment. I will, and am
doing what I need to do... but it's laborious and
I am absolutely handing the baton over because I
can barely run another step. Every ounce of myself was
put into that pilot. It will take awhile to
recoup.
I am gravitating
quickly to comfort to heal my wounds. Read into
that.
