It's like falling
down the stairs, jumping up and saying:
"I'M OK!!!". Halfway down, I've stopped worrying
about myself, and am more concerned with just how bad
this must look to those witnessing it and I want
desperately to let them know I'm alright. That has
been my last 72 hours. However, there is a little life
lesson in here that I'm happy to share considering
nearly everyone I know tries to avoid these part of
"loss", and ends up making things worse in the
long-run.
Over the past 6
months, Comedy Central ran through my veins. It's
unavoidable to have something that big be that much of
a focus for that long, and not have it ooze into your
every fiber. Meaning, when things got kinda rough?
Comedy Central. Only wante to run 1K and not 5K?
Comedy Central. Finances are FUBAR'd? Comedy Central.
Before you know it, the potential of that scenario
inflitrates every moment of your life. It makes
everything just a little bit easier. Washing
dishes is fun with Comedy Central in the air. It's
honestly what allowed me to be so patient with Donna
in 2006/2007. The success with The Egos on CBS? When
shit is going THAT well? You can ride ANY storm. It is
no coincidence that when that went away? The therapy
ultimatum from me came in a matter of
weeks.
This isn't just
me, it's human nature. And if you don't really let
that soak in? You're setting yourself up for a major
breakdown. You have to let yourself stare into space
every 3rd minute and think about what you lost. You
have to try and run 5K, get tired, and then realize -
jesus this is fucking hard without the Comedy Central
motivation. Simply put, you have to go through every
single event in the previous 6 months, that made you
think of it... and think of it in a new light. That's
how you heal. You let it sink into all of those
aspects. If you try to run rampant through the moments
with buckets of positivity? Your head will end up so
far removed from reality, this town will eat you
alive. This should be painful. This should be
depressing. This should be sad. So feel it. Which is
what I'm doing...
...and man, are
that a plethora of "little things" that this has
touched. I cannot believe how much this one potential
break "rose-colored" different aspects of my life. It
literally feels like I am sober... and whew,
I would like the "successful beyond my wildest
dreams" shot again please. And so would everyone
else. Ugh.
So many people
jumped into "The Journey" within the last year and
believed so strongly "this was it" that this is
humiliating to them. Hell even those that have
followed the entire time - were absolutely sure. Marty
still hasn't told his friends. He just can't bare it.
He went back to work on Wednesday after his vacation
and he already knew they had passed... but his
co-workers and friends hadn't seen him since he had
gotten back. He told me he just straight-up acted like
he had no idea, and enjoyed the feeling of being
hopeful with them for just a few more days.
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. I just feel so responsible to
the people following this story and want so
desperately for them to be rewarded as well! It's
tough to be writing this story as a reporter. What I
wouldn't give to just write the fairy-tale ending (for
at least a goddamned WEEK) instead of having to report
the moment things happen. GODDDDDDDDDDDD.
Now, about what
happened. I've had some days of reflection and as well
as talking people off the ledge so to speak, I've been
trying to calm the "Reactionary"
BECOME A STAND-UP!! RE-DO THE SHOW!! Or
the myriad of other suggestions that are somewhat
based in people's urge to avoid accepting what
happened. And believe me, I'm "Mr. Lemonade" when
it comes to the lemons I've received, but it comes
from a place of logic. And in order to process shit
logically? You have to accept the bad shit when it
happens and let it soak in. However, the more
I thought about it - the more I realized
what happened over the course of 6
months...
...Jim Sharp
mentioned the "Short-form" show (3 comedians/acts
in one half-hour) not only in the call on Tuesday, but
in that very first meeting in May. It occured to me,
that he most likely always saw me within that.
However, since he gave me the opportunity? I took it
to the next level and gave him a complete show...
which again, he loved. That has never been in doubt.
Because of the Weller/Grossman debacle unfortunately?
What should've been done in Late July/Early August -
took until Mid-November. The 3 spots in the short form
show? Filled.
And that's
it.
That's all that
transpired. Google/IMDB Daniel Tosh. He was on Comedy
Central SEVERAL times before he got his own show...
and in fact - research ANYONE on Comedy Central with
their own show... it ain't the first thing they've
done on the network. Duh. Jim was giving me the
opportunity to get my foot in the door, and like
I always do, I just put it into overdrive
and produced the most ambitious thing I could possibly
produce. Doesn't change what he was initially thinking
though and simply put, since it took so long? Nothing
he could do...
...which not only
aggrivates me - it reinforces that my instincts on 2
issues with all of this were pretty dead-on. I was
sick about the Weller/Grossman angle and wanted to
make sure Jim understood what happened... he never did
and though I was assured everythign was "alright" by
Josh? Clearly it wasn't. The man asked me twice
IN A CROWD OF PEOPLE after the
show what the fuck happened. I should've called
him personally (though completely against what you do
when you have representation and everyone assured me
everything was "alright") and explained what was
happening. My gut told me to. And I was right
about the time issue. I was raising holy hell in
August about how long it was taking, knowing an
opportunity was slipping through my fingers. Come to
find out? It did. That's not to say if I had done the
show in August that I would've been the 3rd part of
the "Short form" show, but we just have no way of
knowing. I should've called Jim myself, booked
the place myself (which I finally did after
waiting for 3 Arts on
SEPTEMBER FUCKING 24TH), and taken it into
my own hands. Because of "doing the right thing", I
believe I let something slip through my hands. Not
that it was even feasible at the time, this is all
hindsight - but when Weller/Grossman got all crazy, I
should've called Jim directly. Instead I met with
Josh at 3Arts, he said he would get in touch with
him... and 7 weeks pass. Seven, weeks. And even then -
he clearly never expressed my side of things with
Weller/Grossman, and I end up booking the date at the
Hudson myself. LOL. That boggles my mind. And THEN of
course, it's aNOTHER 6 weeks, because you need to call
well in advance...
WHICH IS WHAT WELLER/GROSSMAN WAS SUPPOSED TO DO
- I SHIT YOU NOT --
THE FOLLOWING WEEK after our meeting on May
28th! Jim even said it at the meeting! To call Gary
Mann and set up a date. W/G did fuck all while
I was on vacation even though I emailed them
throughout - and all of that leads to a wasted
opportunity. Only now am I able to see how all of
that played out. At the time, I was doing all the
screaming, emailing, and voice-mailing I could
do. Fuckin hell these lessons are hard.
Now, it doesn't
mean there aren't more opportunities next year. I do
however need to write a long letter to Jim, explain
everything that happened and make abso-fuckin-lutely
sure he knows where I stand. It was an incredibly
painful thing to go through, it was a gut-wrenching
choice, but I legitimately feel I had no other
choice. Looking back, they never called my agent back
to negotiate, so it's pretty clear I didn't
have much of a choice. But he needs to know that. It's
crucial to me that he knows what kind of person I am.
I've been told ad infinitum that "it doesn't matter"
that if he thinks "I can make them money" no one will
care... it matters to me. I have integrity, and if it
means a hand delivered letter? So be it. If it
"doesn't matter" then the letter won't hurt will it.
There's some things you just do because it's right in
your soul. Making sure he knows what happened is one
of those things.
And again, as I
said before: I'm fine. I've shed no tears over this
and truth be told -- I'm still pretty happy. Yes, you
will find me staring off into space as I try
desperately to wrap my head around what an absolute
bitch-slap this is but it's all part of the process of
dealing with loss. It's healthy. And my lack of
"moping" proves that.
Now enjoy "Hey
Aunt Jemima" -- Twilight Zone edition -- where Dewey
Anderson just retraces all of my steps from January
'08. Oh and you finally get to see a small clip of the
show as well as hear the audience reaction throughout
- which is really fun after nearly 2 years of this
ditty being a one-on-one experience on the
net:
Man, you guys have
to be dying to see the full pilot. I may sell
some copies at the 10 Year Anniversary Celebration
back in C-Bus. Who knows. For now, I process "the
little things".
