Not to be so
ridiculously cliche considering the MJ movie, but
there's just no other way to express what I'm feeling.
I've been feeling this for the entire length of the
project, and now that it's complete, and I finally
perform it tomorrow? It's time to let this all out of
the bag.
I mean "This is
It" in several ways, but I gotta say - it's
main meaning is the negative connotation. Not
for negative reasons mind you, but simply put - if
THIS doesn't work? My life moves in an entirely
different direction. I say that not out of exhaustion
from 10 years, or some burnt-out hissy fit. The bottom
line is that everything is in this show. I did
everything I wanted to, and in all honesty more. If
this doesn't catapult me into the next level, I move
on. Maybe I try and become a full-time vlogger and go
on adventures around the world. Who knows... but the
whole Egos/4tvs concept - Adam as a "Star", etc.? It
either happens from this show, or my entire focus
changes for my life.
I don't mean
this over-dramatically, it's just a statement of
reason and logic. This is as much as I could have
possibly done in 30 minutes. It's as good as I can
possibly do without any help whatsoever... and if the
people at Comedy Central don't RAVE about what they
see tomorrow night? Then I'm clearly a fucking
delusional basket-case. I consider myself one of the
most level-headed, unbiased people on the planet. I
can look at every angle and take out all emotion and
find the truth. And the truth is, there is no way this
fails. It's the same way I felt about the meeting in
May. I remember specifically saying to Laura that I
saw no way for the meeting to fail. I sat from their
perspective, played through what they were gonna see?
And I saw no pitfalls. It's too much good shit,
something positive would happen. Identical situation
here. I already know they like me, like my stuff
- they just wanted to see how it could be a show.
Well, that shit is DONE. To the point of putting in
promos & commercials INTO the live show on a
screen to show where the breaks would go, etc.
I mean - I've gone all out. This is it. There is
no better opportunity, no more I can ask for, and
no more I can do. And I see no possible way this
doesn't get picked up. After ALLLLLLL the
heartbreak I've had out here in 10 years, I can say
that unequivocally...
...and that
brings me to just how hazy and surreal these past
couple days/weeks have been. I feel like a walking
memory. I'm so engrained in "The Journey" that I feel
like I'm walking within a "Journey Series" and it's
completely out of my control. Like it's really the
year 2017 and I'm reading about it. It all seems so
fated, that it's actually a little overwhelming. I am
so hyper-aware that I'm within a moment right
now? It feels like I'm watching a movie. The Journey
has fundamentally changed how I process my life.
And that's the other side of the title. "This
IS it." It's happening. They will be blown away, they
will offer me a show, I will be on the air in the
spring. Period. I know it to my core, I have always
risen above and beyond the level I need once given a
shot - I have a shot, and am making more of it than I
believe anyone has EVER attempted. Not to be
presumptuous, but I can honestly say I am the
hardest working man in show-business. Period. Wait'll
you see this SHOW!
...hell wait'll
IIIIIIIII see this fucking show. Still haven't run
through the fucker because I'm having DVD issues.
As well as a million other technical issues I won't
bore you with. It's such a monstrosity. I mean,
remember - on top of all the
editing/writing/producing/acting - I'm rebuilding
4tvs, completely from scratch - the same way that took
me months in 1998. To go to HD means literally
starting over with the equipment that runs it all, how
it looks/responds, etc. It would be easily 2 or 3
people's jobs to simply be in charge of
THAT portion. <shakes head>. Will anyone
even process how much I did by myself?
But now? It
doesn't matter. All that matters is the execution of
the equipment and me getting to 8:45pm. I can't even
imagine what that's gonna feel like. Eight Forty-Five,
November 12th, 2009. The moment I finally don't
have to deal with all of these details....
...hopefully
replaced with more exciting details. What a journey.
Hold your breath.
Adam
PS - To get ya
really itchin' to see what happens in this show, I
thought I'd upload the opening. This is what starts
the show from a pitch black room on a huge screen in
the theater. After this, it's straight to me and the
boys on 4tvs. Giddy-up.
