6:20 PM, Wednesday, November 11th, 2009:
Not to be so ridiculously cliche considering the MJ movie, but there's just no other way to express what I'm feeling. I've been feeling this for the entire length of the project, and now that it's complete, and I finally perform it tomorrow? It's time to let this all out of the bag.
I mean "This is It" in several ways, but I gotta say - it's main meaning is the negative connotation. Not for negative reasons mind you, but simply put - if THIS doesn't work? My life moves in an entirely different direction. I say that not out of exhaustion from 10 years, or some burnt-out hissy fit. The bottom line is that everything is in this show. I did everything I wanted to, and in all honesty more. If this doesn't catapult me into the next level, I move on. Maybe I try and become a full-time vlogger and go on adventures around the world. Who knows... but the whole Egos/4tvs concept - Adam as a "Star", etc.? It either happens from this show, or my entire focus changes for my life.
I don't mean this over-dramatically, it's just a statement of reason and logic. This is as much as I could have possibly done in 30 minutes. It's as good as I can possibly do without any help whatsoever... and if the people at Comedy Central don't RAVE about what they see tomorrow night? Then I'm clearly a fucking delusional basket-case. I consider myself one of the most level-headed, unbiased people on the planet. I can look at every angle and take out all emotion and find the truth. And the truth is, there is no way this fails. It's the same way I felt about the meeting in May. I remember specifically saying to Laura that I saw no way for the meeting to fail. I sat from their perspective, played through what they were gonna see? And I saw no pitfalls. It's too much good shit, something positive would happen. Identical situation here. I already know they like me, like my stuff - they just wanted to see how it could be a show. Well, that shit is DONE. To the point of putting in promos & commercials INTO the live show on a screen to show where the breaks would go, etc. I mean - I've gone all out. This is it. There is no better opportunity, no more I can ask for, and no more I can do. And I see no possible way this doesn't get picked up. After ALLLLLLL the heartbreak I've had out here in 10 years, I can say that unequivocally...
...and that brings me to just how hazy and surreal these past couple days/weeks have been. I feel like a walking memory. I'm so engrained in "The Journey" that I feel like I'm walking within a "Journey Series" and it's completely out of my control. Like it's really the year 2017 and I'm reading about it. It all seems so fated, that it's actually a little overwhelming. I am so hyper-aware that I'm within a moment right now? It feels like I'm watching a movie. The Journey has fundamentally changed how I process my life. And that's the other side of the title. "This IS it." It's happening. They will be blown away, they will offer me a show, I will be on the air in the spring. Period. I know it to my core, I have always risen above and beyond the level I need once given a shot - I have a shot, and am making more of it than I believe anyone has EVER attempted. Not to be presumptuous, but I can honestly say I am the hardest working man in show-business. Period. Wait'll you see this SHOW!
...hell wait'll IIIIIIIII see this fucking show. Still haven't run through the fucker because I'm having DVD issues. As well as a million other technical issues I won't bore you with. It's such a monstrosity. I mean, remember - on top of all the editing/writing/producing/acting - I'm rebuilding 4tvs, completely from scratch - the same way that took me months in 1998. To go to HD means literally starting over with the equipment that runs it all, how it looks/responds, etc. It would be easily 2 or 3 people's jobs to simply be in charge of THAT portion. <shakes head>. Will anyone even process how much I did by myself?
But now? It doesn't matter. All that matters is the execution of the equipment and me getting to 8:45pm. I can't even imagine what that's gonna feel like. Eight Forty-Five, November 12th, 2009. The moment I finally don't have to deal with all of these details....
...hopefully replaced with more exciting details. What a journey. Hold your breath.
PS - To get ya really itchin' to see what happens in this show, I thought I'd upload the opening. This is what starts the show from a pitch black room on a huge screen in the theater. After this, it's straight to me and the boys on 4tvs. Giddy-up.