Christ Adam, good
luck trying to explain why you're really so happy
after this doozy...
This might as well
be an Egos entry because honest-to-goodness that's
where this came from. I'm really starting to hone in
on the Egos Script after months of "watching it in my
head"... and it taps into a strange part of your brain
when you're forcing creativity. Luckily, I have plenty
of practice and after the ridiculous schedule at CBS,
this is a breeze... but it's still a hella-long show
to put together from scratch and it's
crunch-time.
What inevitably
happens when I'm writing, is my house gets cleaned.
:-) Or I take 4 showers a day, 'cause for some reason
I think better pacing in the shower. What also happens
is I sit down at the piano and am really creative...
in the wrong direction. I had a tiny bit of
alcohol, and was actually doing good on the script -
and getting kinda bouncy. Oh and also? I tend to write
Egos stuff standing up. 'Cause I need to run around
and act shit out (this is an entry video isn't it). So
that sets the scene. I sit at the piano, kinda
bouncy, kinda buzzed and I knock out those chords
with these lyrics:
i know
you said "i do" -- but i promise you "you
dont"
when life
gets tough for you -- i promise you "you
wont"
when all
the dreams you've dreamt in life come crashing
down in may
tell me
then, "there'll be another
day"...
call me
jaded if you want -- but think of what i've
seen
integrity's
a cunt -- that's made me hard and
mean
when all
the dreams you've dreamt in life come crashing
down in may
tell me
then, "there'll be another
day"...
she
says she needs commitment soon, but how can i
do that?
i need
to know for sure she's right, been hurt
enough to learn from that...
...in
1995
i was
just a boy, -- but now I'm just a
man,
susceptible
to joy -- but I'll settle for a
fan,
when all
the dreams i've dreamt in life, come true for
once in may...
chances
are I'll dream of yesterday.
WOW. Where the
hell? At one of the happiest moments of my life?
Everything going great, on top of the world? Christ.
Adam has some issues. HA. In the first part I was
imagining a newly married woman telling me how happy
she was with marriage and what my response would be.
Obviously my "glass half-empty" response. HA. The song
is FILLED with allusions to shit no one will ever
know:
-"come crashing
down in May" was a line from a song I wrote in 1999
called "Believe" where I was concerned that
the results of an HIV test would destroy all
of my 4tvs dreams. Fucked up right? I was a stupid
boy at 22, and was all sorts of worried about that.
Of course I was fine, but man was I fuggin'
scared.
-"there'll be
another day" was a hopeful song I wrote
(actually entitle "Another Day") about getting a
second chance at love, yadda yadda.
Meh.
-the entire
bridge ("says she needs commitment soon") is from
the song "Tomorrow" that I actually wrote in
1994. The chords were right as I was bangin' on the
piano and it occured to me how bizarre it was that
I would write that song 15 years before I was ever
really in that position. "Tomorrow" was this
totally fictitious song that I wrote about being
this single free-wheelin' guy who would put off all
commitment by saying "tomorrow". Ironic for Mr.
Monagamy back then, but it was a fun writing
exercise. 15 years later? Just fucking
surreal.
-"susceptible
to joy -- but I'll settle for a fan" has to be the
most jarring line I think I've ever written in a
song - and everytime I hear it? It makes me shake
my head. It blows my mind that if I'm 100% honest,
I'll choose fame over joy right now. I'm just so
goddamned tired of failure that it's the only thing
in my sights. What was also nice was that "May" had
a real meaning in the final verse since I believe
this spring could be life changing career-wise...
and it has always nagged at me that if I sacrificed
everything for my career, if I really make it - how
soon before I just wish I had what I had in
2000 with Jess?
So there's just
really no hiding the fact that, there's some demons in
me - and no amount of therapeutic writing is gonna
change that. I mean I'm sure we all get to an age
where there are some things we'll deal with forever.
Parts of my past relationships are always gonna sting
from time to time, always going to provide fodder for
art -- but it doesn't paralyze me. I'm not scared of
it at all. I embrace it. I continue to work,
continue to move, continue to grow -- and continue to
have no problem saying "I can't be in a relationship
right now." 'Cause truer words have never been spoken.
Does it sadden me that's true from time to time? Sure
it does. I loved being the wonderful supportive
life-mate... but I've changed. And I've embraced the
change and made the most of it. My goal is to be a
positive influence on every single person I
meet...
...and to get this
script done and blow people's minds at what I can put
into a half hour if given the chance. And man, you
guys though Chappelle was edgy? I'm gunnin' for
ya Dave...
