The title is a bit
of a misnomer. I'm not presently on a plane... but the
video for this entry comes from a plane. And this may
win an award for most random of the "Randoms"
entries - so I was stumped on what to call it. So
the plane random wins. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we're
off!
1) What a
Difference a Decade Makes
Completely lost on
me writing the entry Saturday was where I was 10 years
previous. I was at the Park of Roses, proposing
to Jessica. Baffling that the last entry would fall on
a 10 year anniversary like that. At the time, Jess had
heard more than she cared to about how I surprised
Burgundie on our one year anniversary in 1994,
so I decided to surprise Jess the day
before our one year anniversary with a
proposal. And believe it or not, this wasn't
the biggest "jump" during this period. I was about
to start "The Journey" three months later. Yes, Mr.
Leaps-of-Faith was out in full-effect back then. There
is no more striking juxtaposition to that then Entry
#957. What a difference a decade makes.
2) Wait, today
is...
Ha. Today is Jess
& Jeff's Wedding Anniversary. Two years. Bizarre.
They're both doin' great. We played Wii frisbee golf
when I was back there for the Labor Day weekend
and I got quite a kick out of it. I mentioned it in
the last entry, but it bears repeating: "We were
married?". It's beyond baffling at this point. Kinda
scary actually. If you can recover that well from a
relationship that strong... it's no wonder why
I have so little faith in future relationships. You
know? At the time, that split was the hardest thing on
the planet - and now it's a: "wow, we were married?".
It just feels like everything in my life will always
be unstable and temporary. So much so that I'm
accustomed to it. Ugh, don't want to get into this
shit. Moving on.
3) Missed it by
THAT much
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
I usually get this shit. So I'm flying through a
thunderstorm on my flight from Columbus to Denver and
I whip out my pocket-cam. Got some gorgeous footage of
the rain over a particular area. As I'm filming -
SLAM! A bolt of lightening that I was sure I
captured, but was too freaked by it to really be
focusing on the viewfinder. I want to check the
playback but think I'm gonna miss another - after a
few moments I finally have to stop and look... and
GODDAMNIT I had just decided to zoom in and totally
blew it.
WOULD HAVE BEEN SO AWESOME. I post
this 'cause the footage is still cool, even if I feel
like a total tool for missing what would've probably
been a million-hitter on YouTube. WEAK.
Oh come on, you
laughed. :-)
4) I Don't Have
Cancer
Jesus I must be
the worst storyteller ever. In the midst of this
Comedy Central melodrama, I had that mole removed and
there was a minor cancer concern as it had grown so
much. I had forgotten about it until Jessica called me
and said: "Did you ever get the results?" I
hadn't, so I called the office and they called me back
with the news. Oh wow, I remember this day now - it
was also the day I got the "I think that's
good" call from Josh... wait all of that is
locked. DAMNIT. Anyway - stressful day. Made more
stressful by the fact that the nurse decided to tell
me
EVERY PIECE OF INFORMATION POSSIBLE BEFORE
"you're fine". See how I made the random title:
"I Don't Have Cancer"? Yeah, that's so as to not
create any more stress. "Well Mr. Kontras, I have your
paperwork right here. Seems as though we were able to
excise the entire mole, which is good... et CETERA,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA." By the time that
woman said "everything is fine" I hadn't taken a
breath in 2 minutes. CHRIST already. Anyway,
<breathe, breathe> glad to know everything is
good...
5) Knee go
Boom
...except my knee.
Oh dear did I do a number on my knee. Easily the
worst knee injury I've ever had, and over a week later
- it doesn't even remotely feel better. I was trying
to show a bad serve in 4-square. Not even
playing, but obviously being overdramatic in the serve
- and what I'm left with is not only a scrape that
simply will not scab as it's so deep it's like a
burn, not only a bruise because of how hard I
hit it, not only a sprain because of tweaking it - but
I'm afraid there's some sort of ligament damage. It
feels like it will hyper-extend at any moment, and it
isn't even slightly improved since I did it a week
ago. And with no health insurance, this is just a
waiting game. I'm done playing 4-Square for easily a
month, and truth be told - may no longer be part of
the show other than as a host. I mean, I can't
even walk right. If I was doing the Comedy Central
shoot this week, I'd be fucked. So believe me,
this wakes me up big time. "Adam & The
Egos" has to be my focus, and I can't let a
goddamn playground game put that in danger.
6) It's Killin'
Me
And on everything
that's going on with "Adam & The Egos", I'm just
fuggin' sorry for the locked entries. I'm sorrier than
you could ever know about not being able to share
these stories. It is actually a source of depression
for me to have to keep this almost completely to
myself. I have lived for the interaction of those
who read the stories and give me their 2 cents. To
write so much, to create so much -- in nearly a vacuum
-- is excruciating for me. My entire demeanor is
completely different than 2 months ago and it's
unfortunate that something that was so wonderful and
happy has now become such a struggle. I want so badly
to have that joy back from June/July at some point
again in this process, but it's now been gone longer
than it was here. Wow.
7) The Definition
of Random
So an old man
knocks on my door. I had recognized him as "the
scooter" guy in our neighborhood. Dude has one of
those sit-down scooters, and simply travels incredible
distances with it. Well apparently no more. He motions
to me "drive" with a steering wheel... yet knows
absolutely not one word of english... or honestly any
other language I can think of. I think he's
armenian? I keep asking him what he needs and I
finally realize he needs to be driven somewhere at 5.
I nod my head like I understand, and then he leaves,
comes back around 4:30. So in the car we go - and he
points the way. We go about 10 minutes and end up at a
bus station. He gets out, gets back in and motions to
go back. We go all the way back to my house... he
takes out $80 and gives it to me, I promptly hand it
back -- he then leaves, and comes back at like 4:55.
We go again. However this time he needs to go to the
99 cent store because he needs, as his "motion" would
indicate" a door knob? I follow him in, trying to help
him and again, just no english. I find someone to help
him and of course they just look at me, like
I can translate for him. And, well, now I
just feel stupid. 'Cause I don't even know who this
person is, yet I'm driving him all over? Huh? We go to
a second store and it's more of the same. I start to
realize this guy may actually be insane. Then I just
start to feel like a sucker. Yes, my reputation for
falling victim to those from other countries must have
spread in the neighborhood - BA-DUM-BUM! So I get him
back into the car finally and just take him home,
again, never being able to get one word of
communication. He goes back into his house, and I see
other people there and was tempted to ask them "what
the fuck?" - but figured just let it be. I really
wish I could've helped him get what he needed. I can
only imagine being that age and having to live in
Istanbul or some shit where no one can understand you.
:-(
8) I See
Fire
This is
scary:
That marks the
first time I've ever seen actual flames from the
wildfires out here from my house. Earlier this month,
right before I went back to Columbus for the
reunion, I was sitting on my roof wondering if
that beheamoth would jump a few freeways. I mean,
it would be armageddon really. I'm in a concrete
jungle, and this is several miles away, but wow. Such
a helpless feeling. Ann Walker's house was pretty
close and I think I called her daily for about a week
to hear the latest. So scary.
9) Ann
Awkward
So my mother was
in town last week and she just had to meet the
wonderful Ann Walker. Awkward? Of course. but I always
want everyone I know to meet Ann because she's a
fucking riot. And I knew damn well that a couple
sake's into the dinner there would be all sorts of
inappropriate lines that would make everyone blush. We
should've taped it. HA. My mother thought she was
great and seriously, if we all lived in the same city?
I guarantee they would hang out. My mother has
one of the more twisted senses of humor I've ever
known and I think it's somewhat squelched in
Columbus. Here however? She's goddamn genius. I'm not
sure my mother could ever handle the heat
though.
10) Rockin'
Momma
My mother needed a
few days off work to decompress and came out here and
we really had a blast. We played a ridiculous amount
of Beatles: Rockband and laughed and laughed. I'd
have given anything to have her first moment playing
drums on tape. For those who have never played
rockband, you're just following moving notes on-screen
that correspond to colored buttons on the guitar or in
the case of drums, drum pads. She had the guitar down
pretty well, but the drum notes come a lot faster and
she kinda lost her mind. Went all Joe Cocker for a
second just beating on everything wildly. It's funny
watching how your brain translates things sometimes.
Parents as friends when you're an adult is a very
fortunate thing. The teenage years are thankfully
loooooooooong gone.
11) Nicest Cop
Ever
So last month
after the "Biz-E" entry, I was so excited by the news
I started the "competitive pacing" with my dad on the
phone. Continued as I got in my car and totally forgot
to put on my seat belt and as I literally
PULLED OUT of my spot and drove no more than a
block... got pulled over. Now, the libertarian in me
hates the seat belt law with a passion as it hurts no
one but me, but I get the cell phone law. The
kicker though, is that had I just hit
speakerphone and HELD the phone, I would've been fine.
That's just goofy. You honestly shouldn't be allowed
to have anything in your hands when you drive if
you're really concerned about safety. Either way, he
came up to the car and I said: "Yeah, you
got me, I was on the phone..." and he
interjected: "And you didn't have your seatbelt
on..." That actually shocked me 'cause I was so into
my phone call that it never even occured to me. Which,
in all honesty, actually made me happy I was called on
it. 'Cause clearly my head wasn't on straight. He
said: "Alright, flip a coin -- which one do you
want?" How cool right? I said, which is cheaper? He
said they were about the same but he had a pet peeve
about seat belt laws. So I took the cell phone ticket.
I explained to him about what had happened and that I
had just come from my agent. He goes: "Really? What
network?!" "Comedy Central!" "Congrats!" "I know!"
I was all fuckin happy and shit. He was happy for
me. So funny. It was probably the nicest ticket
experience of my life. And honestly? $50? Happy to pay
it. I was completely in the wrong, and that's a fair
price. $400 for not making a complete stop on a right
on red? Inexcusable. But I won't get into all
that...
12) Public Option
is mandatory
...but I will get
into this. I doubted Obama before. I was critical of
some campaign choices last summer and he made me look
like a buffoon. So I hesitate to even say this, but I
will not sugar-coat his record or what he accomplishes
no matter how much he or his people will. If a bill
passes with no public option? He failed on health
care. Period. There is no wiggle room, co-ops don't
count, a true public-option that will hold the
insurance company's feet to the fire is absolutely
necessary... or what is all that fuckin money going
to?!??! And will someone please explain to me all the
concern over Insurance Company profits? Seriously? How
have the republicans managed to get the poorest,
least-likely-to-ever-have-their-own-company portion of
our populace to march FOR big business? Oh yeah:
THEY'RE RACIST. Oh here we go...
13) Racism ISN'T
yelling "NIGGER"
I'm so sick of the
people that misunderstand racism. Yes, of course
yelling "Nigger" is racist, but so is the amount of
vitriole and outright RAGE at a president who has
barely been in office long enough to do
ANYTHING, and the worst thing you can say about him?
He wants to help every citizen have health care. LMAO.
Everyone stop for two seconds and think about that.
That's what people are arguing about. I quit my job
and marched on washington in 2005 because kids were
needlessly dying for a completely made-up war in Iraq.
These people have THE SAME ANGER because
Obama wants everyone to have health care. Not take out
the private option mind you, just have a public option
to help cover those that fall through the cracks. It's
like marching for RESTAURANTS because of food banks.
Come fucking on already. We're talking about people
EATING. We are the richest nation in the world, as a
"perk" to living here, yeah - I think we should
take care of our people. Is it unfair to those that
got the good jobs and have great health insurance
right now? Mildly (though you can argue those people
pay MORE because of the uninsured). But what the fuck
does it matter to you? Are you that unhappy? Are you
that miserable that you spend your time worrying about
what everyone else gets and would MARCH against it?
Christ. Look in the mirror. Work out your shit. If
your biggest stress in life is taxes or how big the
government is? You're upset about something else. If
you can't be happy in AMERICA, then you're not
trying. This is literally the land of
opportunities.
Wait, this was
about racism. Of course there's an underlying racism
to this type of anger. The type of disrespect Obama
was shown with the "You Lie!" comment? Is the
definition of racism. They treat him as if he's
somehow illegitimate...when he's done NOTHING so far
to be angry about. Bush got more respect and the
supreme court SELECTED him. LMAO. His ass didn't even
get the most VOTES and no one treated him like this
(until after the Iraq war). Ponder that for a
moment. Bottom line is this is not the America they
want. It's the prevading white anger at becoming a
minortiy in their own country that permeates every
issue they pretend to care about. They can call
it whatever they want, but there is a "white pride"
angle to this that is undeniable. And is it 'cause
whites are not allowed to VOTE? No, it's cause they're
simply not being treated as special anymore.
Everyone's getting the same priviledges. And health
care would be yet another "privledge" that whites have
enjoyed proportionally more than minorities. And who
GIVES A FUCK?! If we have enough money to
invade a bunch of countries and occupy them for
decades we can at least help someone see a doctor
without it costing them their MORTGAGE. Obama isn't
trying to give everyone free cars or some shit. Jesus.
We're talking about the basics of human
existence. There is nothing to be angry about here.
Nothing. And if you don't think this is racism?
Clinton tried to pass universal healthcare too.
Remember all those hate-filled townhalls? Remember all
those marches with posters of Clinton as a with
doctor?
Exactly.
14) Fair and
Balanced
Always like to
throw a curve ball in when it seem I'm biased one way
or another...
I was in Columbus
when the whole "Obama speaking to the school children"
fiasco erupted and if you just listened to the
mainstream press about it - it seemed unbelieveably
partisan and once again, racist. I asked everyone I
knew for an explanation - and everyone stuck to their
ideologies... but I have to say, something seemed off
to me - even for the loony fringe of the right-wing.
So I did a little digging and saw the information that
the Obama administration had wanted to send along
with the speech. And, sorry dad, it wasn't
innocuous. It wasn't a "help the kids understand his
speech better..." type of material. And though it
wasn't as evil as the right claim it was, it
was certainly presumptuous.
“What do
you think the President wants us to do? Does the
speech make you want to do anything? Are we able to
do what President Obama is asking of
us?”
Listen, that shit
might have flown 50 years ago (or even 25 years ago
when Reagan had all sorts of politics surrounding his
speech to children) - but we're in a different world
now... and Obama should've known better. And in fact,
that's why they pulled back on most of it and rewrote
it. And we just got a generic "stay-in-school" speech.
But guess what the mainstream media barely reported?
It is so aggrivating to have to listen to two extreme
viewpoints to find the truth. When will someone report
the stories again? When will someone care more about
the truth than making the other side look bad? And I
completely put the blame on the left for this.
Granted, the racist-loony-right shook their rattles
the loudest, but the "whole" story was woefully
reported. To this day, nearly every democrat I know
thinks the right was just angry that he was speaking
to the children at all. And of course some
were, but there was a whollllllllllllllle lot more to
the story than reported. So sick of what news has
become.
15) Greg Directs
the Premiere
And finally I just
want to tip my hat to a friend who is really hitting
his stride professionally. I've mentioned Greg from
time to time (still feel bad about embarrassing him in
front of Darlene from Roseanne in Entry
#123), an
animator who is now a director at Family
Guy.
Back
in March I visited him at work while he
was working on a new episode and saw a few
animatics (pencil sketches set to the
audio track). It was one of the more
ambitious episodes I had seen with Brian
and Stewie going into different universes
(Episode is entitled "Road to the
Multiverse). A month ago he actually
showed a couple of us a more complete
version and I gotta say - it's
head-spinning stuff man. Family Guy is
really doing incredibly good shit and the
fact that they were nominated for an emmy
outside of animation (first and only time
since the Flinstones) speaks volumes.
Well, it just so happens that his episode
is the season premiere of the seventh
season (some consider it the 8th season
though -- production season vs. airing)
which is one helluvan honor for him. It
airs this Sunday at 9pm on Fox and even if
you're not the biggest fan of cartoons or
haven't liked Family Guy before... try and
catch this. Incredibly creative episode -
and as always, completely offensive and
funny.
Alright. Whew. I
was clearly aching for a Randoms Entry, huh? Lots
going on in my head. And now, I just might finally get
to the entry about Donna and where things stand which
I've been putting off for over a month.
