Will somebody just
call this thing already? Jesus fucking christ. 4
months? I have emailed Josh 3 times, left 2 phone
messages with the assistant...
SIMPLY ASKING if he RECEIVED the
attachment of the one-sheet. Two weeks.
I don't want
to hear how busy these people are anymore, I don't
want to hear about priorities, etc. I'm not that
green. I worked at CBS, national network news - with
RIDICULOUSLY busy people. "Did the attachment
come through?" is not a two week response. 3 Arts is
not interested. At all. And I've already been
told "there is no plan B" from Alisa if Josh can't
make this happen. So there ya go. We wrote off
Weller/Grossman for absolutely nothing...
...or I'll get a
call Monday and everything will be grand. That
insanity is why I woke up at 4:54 AM and go run
5K:
And this is where
you start to just lose your shit...
"So Adam,
you don't need a girlfriend? You don't need the
loving support of someone right now? You can just
do it all yourself? You were so fucking arrogant to
write-off someone who simply wanted you to see her
exclusively because YOU were SOOOOO happy? Or
did you just think you were better than her because
of what was happening in your life? That you'd have
sooooooo much love surrounding you that you didn't
want to cut-off the ability to have all that love.
Yeah, you're important alright. Everybody LOVES you
know, huh? They won't return a fucking email dawg.
So keep self-medicating with random and momentary
closeness with women. Keep hanging onto this Comedy
Central show that's just never going to fucking
happen. How long until you find real drugs Adam?
Any idea how bad this is gonna get? With NO support
system? With just long-distance phone calls to real
friends? You've built your entire self-worth on
this most recent development and it's a fucking
mirage."
I can't
sleep. Granted, I'm sleeping in the 2nd bedroom as I
gave my mom my room as she's visiting for a few
days... but that has little to do with it. And I hate
to say this - but my biggest aggrivation is that Laura
acts like nothing is wrong! God love the woman for
being positive, but what the fuck? And if I stopped
constantly calling and writing, would I ever hear
from anyone ever? I haven't heard from Alisa in over a
month - and I can't possibly imagine Josh would even
remember my name if I didn't hound him.
Weller-Grossman never made one attempt to contact me
after the falling out between Gary and Alisa... so I'm
the only firestarter here. I'm the only one who is
trying to make this happen. I honestly am fed up. Like
I said in the last entry, I can't stand the
self-centered-ness of everything anymore. I don't
want to do this. I don't want to think about this,
write about this... taint The Journey with this
fucking drivel anymore. But if I give up? It really
does disappear, 'cause no one else is grabbing this
baton.
And I need a
fucking job. Probably a 9-5, why the hell not? What
else am I doing? This is crazy. This is
fucking crazy. It is remarkable how many different
ways things can fail. Isn't it? This 10 year project
really is like a drug - you're dying to see just how
the rug will be pulled out from under Adam year after
year after year. And 2000 Adam is sitting there
looking at me telling him this story - shaking his
head. This won't be resolved by Entry #1000 which
means THAT is what I tell 2000 Adam in the movie. NOW
which way does he go?
So fucking
intense. I'm gonna crack folks. Don't you EVER judge
people in this industry that end up taking drugs, or
worse - offing themselves. This is not a privlidged
life. This is a life that is COMPLETELY out of
your control. That's what people don't understand. Any
other industry, you just work harder. You make things
happen. You control your own destiny. Not in show-biz.
You cannot will this shit. I've done everything
humanly possible. I just want some REALNESS already.
I need a face to face with Laura at some point
today. I swear to fucking christ I have to hear her
admit to me: "yeah, this isn't good..." - so I can at
least try and process THAT. In all honesty, as bad as
Weller-Grossman was? 3 Arts is worse. And where is
Paradigm? I'm not being sent out. I'm not represented
by them... I'm not represented by 3 Arts... I'm
nowhere.
Damn, "Nowhere
Man" isn't on Beatles Rockband. That would've
been awesome. UGH.
Go Bucks. And by
"Go Bucks", I just mean - only lose by like 2
touchdowns today to USC. Lowering the bar has become
it's own sport for me lately.
