I've never really
talked much about my high school days. My first
thought when I approach writing about it is that
it's boring. Nearly everyone's high school memories
fall into a handful of categories and as we all find
out - it just doesn't mean that much once you're
older. The only thing remotely interesting to me is
that I kept a tape journal during those years and it's
beyond surreal to listen to it now. As I've mentioned
before, I would post it - but it's so graphic I fear
I'll have to be dead and buried before that's public.
Imagine "The Journey" but focusing on sex. I may find
a way to edit it all one of these days... anyway, I
bring all of this up because I went back to Columbus
for my 15-Year Reunion and figured it was worth a
"Randoms" entry...
1) We were
Gyped
I hadn't stepped
foot in the school for 15 years, and honestly any
school for that matter. After College (last day was in
April 1996 when I released my CD), I never looked or
went back. So when part of this reunion included a
tour of the school? I was ON that
shit...
...and goddamnit
kids these days are living it up. There's wi-fi
throughout the school. There's 2 gyms now. And I don't
mean a big gym and the throw-away one for the
freshman:
I mean now
our gym is the gimp gym with low ceilings and
this big mofo reigns supreme. Someone asked "why do
you need two?" and he explained about sports
practices, etc.... like it was damn near mandatory.
Well build one for every sport while you're at it. I'm
totally bitter about this shit. In the corners are
big-screen pull downs for projecting stuff too. But
hey, I'm sure that means they have a new theater for
what you cared about Adam...
2) Sports destroy
Art
Hell
no.
This quaint
"little theater" is identical to what it was even 30
years ago except for some wood paneling. There is
something kinda special about that I must admit, but
priorities are clear - and in all honesty? My head
gets it even if my heart is whining. Sports bring in
money, theater doesn't. Also - we're talking about a
Catholic School here. Sports will always destroy art
and it's silly to even bemoan it. You really want an
artistic experience you go to an art school. Though
looking back now, I'm glad I didn't go to an art
school. I benefited more from a strong, challenging
academic background before I gave it all up to be a
clown.
Christ, I can't
believe I just wrote that sentence.
3) The Smell of
the Halls
So the tour guide
was thorough beyond belief and all I wanted to do was
walk down the part of the school I remembered.
Seriously - the place is 3 times bigger than it was
before and you just feel like you're touring a
different school. So I snuck out of the tour and went
down the junior and senior halls:
And there's that
smell. First of all, and I'm sure everyone can attest
to this - how small are these hallways?!? They were a
lot bigger in my memory. But the smell is just instant
time-travel. I'm so glad I was able to walk through it
completely alone - it was as out-of-body as you can
get. Totally overwhelming.
4) When classes
were everything
Listening to the
audio "entry" that accompanies the video is such
a glaring reminder of how focused life was during
those 4 years. So much going on, so many things to
juggle. I remember distinctly getting to college and
thinking: "wow, only 3 or 4 classes?" Life is
never as busy as it is during those 4 years. Even if
it's technically busier with work/kids/family,
there's something about the breadth of areas we cover
while we're in high school that is so foreign to
adult-life. 8 wildly different subjects throughout the
day forcing you to use some other area of your
brain... then the plays or musicals for me, cross
country my first 2 years, and then the melodrama of
girls. It's an unbelieveable amount of mental
juggling that I have to say, people in their 30s
probably couldn't handle for more than a week. Since
we're not searching as much, most of us have crossed
"Chemistry" off our list of shit we want to do,
so an hour a day back in that class would make us
crazy. But then it was another hour in a whirlwind of
a day. Exhausting thinking about it all. None more
exhausting than this...
5) Parent-Teacher
Conference
...so my first
wife Burgundie and I are walking down freshman hall,
both feeling uneasy. Funny how you walk slower as-if
you think the floor is about to give out when
nostalgia hits you like a ton of bricks. I turned to
her half-way down the hall and said: "Do you realize
if we had had kids? We'd be walking down this hall for
a parent-teacher conference 'cause they'd be
15."
Leave it to me to
make that unease turn to nausea. Her boyfriend was
next to her and just kinda laughed at it. If I
remember correctly, we didn't say a word after I
mentioned that. Not even a funny: "Thanks for making
me feel old, asshole." We just kinda kept walking --
both completely stunned by what could have been. And
then it was onto the reunion...
6) We look really
good
Maybe it's my own
stereotyp I've created of Columbus since it's been so
long since I lived there, but I was surprised at
how well everyone aged. Everyone looked remarkably
similar to high school. It then occured to me that
anyone who didn't look similar to high school
probably just stayed home. You can't help but feel a
bit self-conscious when you're seeing people you
haven't seen in so long. The only comparison is a
yearbook picture from your teens. And that is the nice
thing about getting older for sure - everyone knows
who they are now. Wears what they're comfortable in,
it's pretty mellow. But come on - you don't go to
reunions for mellow - you want to see someone
get trashed and make a fool of themselves.
However, no one did. So, was there any
drama?
7) Let Them
Drown
A few of you made
the connection from my "Let Them Drown" entry
that it was someone from high school and I was
certainly curious as to how that was gonna play out. I
give props to both of us however, as we played "other
side of the room Tango" the entire night and never had
to have the awkward moment. That really was the good
part about the email exchange from a couple months
back. I said exactly what I needed to, I
tried desperately to salvage something, and the other
person was so condescending and rude that it was
easy to write it off. Make a nice little song
and call it a day. Rarely do situations wrap up that
neatly. It's too bad, but it's also a blessing when
life hands you something so black & white. No
sleepless nights when you can't find grey.
8) Aaron the
Amiable
The reunion marked
the first time I met Burgundie's boyfriend of 7 years.
I have to say, I'm very lucky to not only remain
such good friends with my exes, but that their
significant others have been totally cool with me -
and couldn't be nicer about the awkwardness of the
situation. Both Jeff (Jess) and Aaron (Burg) are guys
I would actually hang out without anyway - and within
a few moments we were laughing and joking about it
all. I actually ended up talking to Aaron more than
Burgundie as we tried to put the timeline together of
how things all came to be. I mean, I guess there's no
reason for there to be animosity, from his perspective
he clearly "won" - and I'm hardly intimidating.
Besides, in both cases, looking at "us" now, is
bizarre. Like, we were actually married? Funny, Jess
actually said that to me this trip. I guess in the end
we weren't matches - and it's so overwhelmingly clear
that the men they're with now are matches... so
I just come in, shake their hands, have a beer and
laugh about the insanity of it all.
9) Hey
COLLINS!
Oh my goodness
what an incredible story this is. I actually wonder if
I should tell it in it's entirety because it's so
unbelieveably damning to that person.... hmmm. Let's
just say that a false rumor was spread so someone's
boyfriend would beat the shit out of me. That
someone's boyfriend defined the word massive. And one
day when I came out of school, he confronted me on
this rumor, I told him it wasn't true and he
picked me up and promptly threw me
across the field about 10 feet. I then noticed the
girl who spread this rumor standing there and I walked
right up to her and added a bit more to the
story that she failed to tell him. 'Causing him to
pick me up again and throw me again. Out
of embarrassment really. My part of the story was,
well, graphic -- and 'caused her to flee the scene.
The lie has actually always bothered me and I even ran
into her last year and assumed she would finally
apologize for that, but never did. Maybe she forgot
about it? Who knows.
At the end of the
school year however, I saw the guy, Collins, at the
end of an empty hall and for some reason decided to
confront him. In a loud voice I yelled "Hey Collins!".
He stopped and turned and headed towards me. Burgundie
unbeknownst to me was actually in the hallway behind
me and jumped into a side-hall and hid. LMAO. He was
no longer with this girl, and I came up to him and
just said: "You do know that wasn't true,
right?". "Yeah, but she was my girlfriend, and I had
to stick up for her.". I nodded understandingly and
that was that. Burgundie thought I was quite a badass
though, because the man just wasn't tiny. And with
that, I introduce this picture:
I look like I'm
1/3 his size. I'm 5'9"-5'10" and 165 pounds... so what
the fuck does that make him? 'Cause I know that makes
me his bitch. We never mentioned the "incident"
and just talked about life, whatnot. Burgundie saw
this and immediately grabbed her camera to take the
picture realizing the surreality of the moment. And
understand, he hasn't gotten bigger since high school
(I mean technically he probably has), he was a brick
shithouse back then too. Christ even his head dwarfs
mine. Brother is huge.
10) The
Bag
So one guy in our
class, who was already an intense dude to begin with,
brought a duffel bag to the reunion. And from time to
time would reach in there, grab something, then zip it
back up. It started out being funny, and then felt
very "headlines in the paper tomorrow" because again,
dude is intense. Very serious, glasses, walks with a
purpose... just an intense dude. Always was. Throw in
this bag, and you start wondering if you ever made fun
of him 15 years ago because it felt
creeeeeeeeeeepy. After asking a bunch of
people, someone finally mentioned that he had made
some sort of apparatus for nurses to use and he had it
in the bag trying to sell it or something of that
nature. Still slightly creepy, but not "Columbine"
creepy. Man, can you imagine if
"Columbus" entered the vernacular like
"Columbine" did? "Don't go to your 15 year reunion,
someone might go Columbus on you."
Thankfully, it was
peaceful. And sorry to the dude this is about, but you
totally freaked us out.
11) The
Picnic
So we've gotten to
the age where reunions are 2-day events. One for
"adults" and one the next afternoon for the "kids" and
families. I promised little Julia (whom I met last
year - there's a facebook pic of me with a pink tiara
that we made together) that I would see her there
with her mommy Erin who I went to school with. Her
husband is Marc. Damn, couldn't find a good way to fit
that into the sentence, but it seemed wrong to leave
the daddy out. LOL.
ANYWAY - my final
piece of surreality was being the only single person
at a picnic with families and realizing how close I
had been to this life... many times. I would run
around with the kids a bit, talk to the parents a bit,
then sit back and just space out. It's as if it has
totally passed me by. Not like I've put it off, but
like it's never going to happen. And I'm not entirely
sure how I feel about that. At times it's a giant
"whew". And then a kid does something cute and you
know you'd be a great father. But it's not even about
that, it's about being entrenched in a completely
different lifestyle now and so far removed from family
life that it seems like there's no way back. It's not
even on my radar, and had been for the majority of my
life. I've found happiness without it and it's like
the little momentum pendulum has swung the other way.
It could swing back I guess, but when will my life
ever feel stable enough for that?
12) Swings are
Intense
So I saw Julia
swinging and figured I'd give it a go. To my
surprise... you get quite a rush. Like, a couple
swings into it - I was like: "wow, was this what
it felt like when I was a kid?", 'cause it really got
me kind of high. It was a fucking blast is what it
was. LMAO. I'm about to put one in my backyard. Great
Adam, as if a single man putting a 4-Square court in
his backyard wasn't creepy enough - a swingset oughta
do it. (sigh) But seriously, I think something happens
with your equilibrium when you get older because I
don't believe swings ever effected me like that
before. Oh and suddenly in the past year or so I have
"sympathy pains" like crazy. Meaning,
watching "America's Funniest Home Videos" is one of
the more painful events of my life now. It was
never like that before - but now if someone
hurts themselves, my body hurts where they get hurt.
It's pretty much one wince after another with that
show while everyone else just laughs and laughs.
Weird.
Alright - we've
kinda strayed from the reunion, and I believe
that's probably all the stories there are to tell. No
one made a fool of themselves, no real drama, not even
gossipy hookups that I could see (seemed almost
everyone was with someone). No, everyone was totally
nice, completely mellow and I had a really nice
time. My plane
is about to land, and I will enter the waiting game
for yet another undetermined amount of time.
