entry locked until 10.19.09
11:18 PM, Wednesday, August 12th, 2009:
First three entries of this month were a no-brainer huh? Anyone would've made the same choice, right? What if that choice, and even having an agent means you never even get the chance to make the pilot? Inconceiveable right?
It's now over a week without a word from Josh at 3 Arts, and with no response to an email it occurs to you that no matter how much "business-sense" the actions may have been... Journey-sense is totally different. What does Journey Adam care about a bad deal? It means he has a fucking deal. If Josh calls Jim and finds that it really was a favor to Gary and that he's put-off for me going "behind Gary's back"? Was my agent right? She emphatically thinks so because she sees just the deal-memo. She doesn't see 10 years of struggling for just an opportunity to showcase my stuff... which I finally GOT. She doesn't even consider re-negotiating with Weller-Grossman because in her world? It's a bad contract, she's looking out for my best BUSINESS interests. But at the end of the day, if I lose everything, what would Journey Adam have chosen? Bad Weller-Grossman contract or the knowledge that I didn't sign that bad contract?
At the time it didn't seem like much of a risk in all honesty. Alisa straight up said she didn't know what more she could do wtih Weller-Grossman. They said there would be no budget, etc. But a couple thousand bucks? I'll fund it AND I'll sign a bad contract. Unthinkable to an agent at Paradigm. Unthinkable. But they don't live with the alternative. They go back to their plethora of super-deals and clients. I start over, completely from scratch... and? I don't have an agent, I don't have a management company, and I don't have a production company. I have yet to sign anything. That's right, I have yet to be offered a contract from Paradigm. Nervous yet?
That's why this song just no longer rings true. It can't once you've been to a certain level. When I wrote it I had nothing... so of course I'm ok with being "alright" jut having The Journey. But not anymore. All I had to do was sign a contract, fund the shoot (which is ridiculous business wise, I know) and I would've had a pilot on fucking Comedy Central. One that everyone reading this knows would've been picked up because of how revolutionary and different it was. How the FUCK will I be "alright" if it all vanishes? And when all I had to do was sign the contract!??!?!? I will not be alright. I will be ANYTHING but alright. I'm actually a little frightened at where my head is gonna be if this falls through. This is wellllllllllll past Up & Adam. Whew.
Of course this all could still happen. Nothing is over. But Josh made it clear he'd be in contact throughout the time he was in New York (from last Wednesday through this whole week) and we're over a week now with nothing. No response from an email is also tough because man - if the fire's hot? If people are interested? If all someone has to do is make one phone call? It's done. You don't let it sit for a week. I mean we could handle the loss of Weller-Grossman if 3 Arts was hot on the project... but how can you say they are now? It's just getting harder and harder for me to spin this as a good thing. Shit is definitely on the rocks right now and now instead of the other shoe falling? I'm gonna be sitting here knowing that I made the choice (a choice that I fucking agonized over) that did this thing in. I was the fucking shoe...
...or I'll get a call from Josh at any moment and everything will be back on - and 100x better and stronger than if I had signed that contract.
I hate this.