Ahhhhhhhh, The
Journey. There's just no better place for an artist.
It single-webedly forces you to create from life and
you get all sorts of unexpected pieces of art from it.
I wish every tortured, creative soul was able to find
such an outlet. Moving on...
So this was about
to be a detailed entry explaining my side of a
situation, but the more I explained it to others, the
more it became clear how unnecessary that was. It's
nowhere near as "grey" as I thought, and explaining
the details just makes the other person look bad. I
just won't do that. I'm not conflicted, it's crystal
clear...
...however you
guys must be thinking: "Dude? You're not gonna explain
THAT song? You SUCK. Why do I read this?". Alright,
let me try and make this general - 'cause I have
mentioned this person on the site and I do care about
this person a bunch.
Truth be told,
this all stemmed from my hoping I could really
reconnect with someone. I saw potential because we
were both in similar fields and I really thought we
could work together. This person actually helped me
out in a bad situation last year, and I really thought
there'd be a deeper relationship. I devoted an entry
to them last year, and sang their praises often. Very
happy for their accomplishments. Over the course of
several months, some kinda shitty things were said to
me that really hurt and a keen eye will notice mention
of them scattered throughout the entries this year. It
centered around Facebook and the year I've spent
trying to network and get my demo out. This person on
several occasions just gave me shit when someone
I added was also their friend, told me that I
should get out more instead of networking online, and
it was really, really draining. I already hated having
to ask people to click a video or hit "join" for my
group, but to have someone I considered a friend
lump more shit on me was just too much. And guess who
would never hit "join"? That's when
I should've just let it go. Then came Comedy
Central...
Because of needing
to put a writing staff together, this person has been
in the back of my mind and I wanted to be able and sit
and talk with them and clear up the issues so maybe we
could work together, or, they could point me to some
friends that may be interested if they were too busy.
That's the joy of being in the position I'm in. There
are real opportunites to help out. I hoped to talk to
this person one-on-one when we were in Columbus at the
same time in September, but they were too busy so it
had to be brought up through email. It was, as
expected, a bit of a cluster-fuck. And somehow this
person found yet another button of mine to
push...
we are not
the same that way, adam. fame, for me, is a
by-product. I truly don't care for it. I want to do
art for a living. I am doing that. it is awesome.
if I write or perform on tv or gain something neat
thru this vehicle, that rules. otherwise, I don't
have that goal. I am happy. the rest is
icing.
I hope you
are happy too.
Oh my sweet,
sweet, fucking jesus that sent me through the roof.
Talk about veiled jabs. Talk about clearly not
knowing who I am and what makes me tick. Man, reading
it again actually makes my body tense up. The
implications... GODDD. Not even going there. It should
also be noted, that this person performs in a "live"
setting and there's a bit of "snobbery" when it comes
to the performance world. It's fucking stupid as hell
to me. People that think they're more "artists"
because what they do is in a theater and not on tv or
(GASP!) The INTERNET!?!? -- it makes me sick. You
think I'm less of an artist because my talents put me
on national television? Because it's a goal of mine to
get BACK on national television? GODDDDDDAMNIT
I SAID I WOULDNT GO THERE.
LMAO.
Ok, I'm going
there a little...
You know why I'm
an artist? Because I BREATHE art every second of my
life. I do it for FREEEEEEEE. I do it whether or not
anyone watches or listens. It's just inside me and I
have to get it out. That's what art is. However,
JUST LIKE YOU, I too would like
to make a living at it. And in order to do that? I
will have to be on TV. But don't you dare fucking
imply you are more of an artist because I am striving
to be the best at what I do. I think what I do
deserves a national stage (and so does a certain
fucking network) and it took my entire life to be able
to say that sentence without feeling guilty. Go watch
my crying ass sitting on a rock in Greece to get an
inkling of how fucking hard it was for me to keep
going and keep going...
....and
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW THAT
FEELS!! You're in the same boat! But you condescend to
MEEEEEEEEEEE!?!?!
Ahem. Sorry,
there's always gonna be a fighter in me that defends
this "journey" like a child. And to all the artists
out there: never, ever, ever act like your shit is
better. 'Cause you know what? We don't control the art
we make. We simply let down our walls, and it comes
through. So that ballet dancer is no more an artist
than the sit-com writer. And if you are a ballet
dancer, and think your art is better? Break a leg.
Literally.
Now, about the
song. I made it far more universal than this
situation. It's about several people and several
situations and we've all been through this. Potential
is intoxicating. On any level. You meet someone, and
you conjure up some sort of potential relationship in
your mind and you ignore the signals they send.
It's a bit more obvious in a romantic relationship
when you do that, but as I've just laid out, it
happens in every relationship we have in life. A
lifetime goal in communication has to be knowing when
to "let them drown" so to speak. Getting the show on
Comedy Central should have played NO part in trying to
mend things with this person. I was ignoring every
single sign because the potential for a working
relationship was so intoxicating to me. Duh. Can't do
that. You have to let people burn bridges. You can't
keep helping them put it back up. You have to have the
self-esteem to go quiet, make no actions, and see if
they seize the day. You can keep an eye out to see if
they're trying to build it, but if they've burned it
on their own accord? They gotta build completely by
themselves or you're a fuckin' fool. And again, I'm
talking universally here. It's a lesson we all have to
learn. I must admit though, I'm getting better and
better at it the older I get.
Still waiting on
contract stuff, should know more this week, and of
course - "Running Randoms" by Friday.
Adam
PS - free mp3 of
"Let
Them Drown"(ed. after
giving it away for free for 18 months, I put it on
iTunes well after anyone would give a shit. Salesman.
Of. The. Year. 12/23/10)
Why do I,
Insist on
the try?
Insist on
the steps below?
Show the
way,
Let them
seize the day,
And if they
don't... let go.
There's
gonna come a time when you help a
friend,
And they
pull you further down with them,
Come on,
it's not like you don't know...
They make
it clear, they make their bed,
You help
them make it up again,
You've
got to learn... just let 'em
go....
You've
got to let 'em drown,
Drown
drown, you've got to let 'em
drown,
Just
let them drown.
You've
got to let 'em drown,
Drown
drown, you've got to let 'em
drown,
Just
let them drown.
Even when
they're fuckin RUDE to you,
You
defend, you pretend that it must be
you,
You
insist there's a friend, there's an mend,
there's a bond, there's a
glue...
You see
the good, you see the heart,
You sing
their praises from the start,
But ain't
it stange, they don't do that for
you...
