Thinking of The
Journey, I grab my camera inside the house and return
outside...
To explain this
properly - I have to do a quick rundown of things with
Donna since she left last May.
-We were on
good terms for the first couple of months, and then
she was kicked out of where she was staying and I
helped her out for a month in which she was
anything but appreciative (basically just
embarrassed she needed my help so she was pissy).
When she got a new place we kinda stopped talking.
I was very angry at how I was treated after
helping her ad infinitum for 2 years.
-In January she
writes me a long apology and explains she went back
to therapy in November after an 8 month absence and
she's realizing just how horrible she was to me.
It's incredibly sincere, we meet for coffee, and
from January to early May we talk every week or so
- see each other 2-3 times a month. Watch movies,
wash our cars, play with the dogs... she's going
through some intense therapy and clearly needed to
talk with someone that knew her and I was happy to
help. It was also helpful because we were
approaching the 2 year anniversary and would have
to go through an interview process with the INS to
take the provision of marriage off her greencard.
Meaning, until that interview - our marriage is the
only reason she has permanent residency. After the
interview, we no longer have to be married and she
can stay.
Quick note --
the government doesn't force you to stay together just
for the greencard if things go bad. You simply have to
prove that the marriage was legitimate (which with all
our pictures, videos, songs - no doubt how much we
cared about each other), and you can be separated
within those 2 years. Which, clearly, we were. So
don't be concerned that I'm incriminating myself -
there's no way in fuck I would lie to the government
(or really anyone for that matter - ahem, this entire
project).
-In May we were
both really busy but went nearly the entire month
without seeing each other. Last I heard from her
she left a nice voicemail about me going to Africa.
How I'd see some amazing things and she was really
happy for me.
-Last week when
I got back I had a letter from the INS saying it
was time to file for the provision to be removed
(which everyone does, marriage status
notwithstanding) I wrote her an email and voicemail
asking her what her schedule was so we could figure
out the best way to proceed. I was also really
excited to tell her about Africa considering it's
where she's from. A day later I got
this:
SUBJ:
life's hectic
hey
i'm
alive. going through SHIT and don't wanna
talk right now. don't worry about the ins
stuff.
I responded
with:
ok -
i'll give it a week hon, but we have to fill
this stuff out, we can't miss the deadline on
this.
:( -
hang in there... i love you
dearly.
-A
In the days that
followed I have to admit, I was really concerned.
I honestly don't even know where she lives now,
she may not have her job anymore - and even when
things were kinda bad last fall between us - we could
always talk. She knew I loved her and just wanted her
to be safe. It's why I took her in last August... I
hold no hard feelings about anything - I know she gave
literally everything she had. So something must REALLY
be bad. And of course, certainly a bad time to lose
contact - right when we have to file stuff with the
INS.
So I'm sure you
can imagine my utter shock. My first thought was that
she was gonna try and take the house or something and
that's why she didn't tell me - but she kept her word
and clearly wrote on the paperwork that she wants
nothing and that the house and car go to me. No lawyer
involved on her end, very cut and dry dissolution.
Once I made sure all that was in line it really hit me
what she just set in motion. 'Cause from both of our
understandings and conversations the year previous,
you have to get the provision off rom the INS FIRST.
So... uhm, did she just file herself a ticket to South
Africa? And is she alright? I called several
times and wrote her an email - but absolutely zero
response. Clearly she doesn't want to talk... but
something really, really bad must be goin' down right
now.
Not knowing is
really, really gonna give me some restless nights. I
love Donna dearly. I really do. It doesn't matter how
much pain she caused, it was all a result of her own
traumas which are more than overwhelming. She's
an incredibly sweet soul that must be going through
some really intense shit right now and there's no way
around it: I will be worried and concerned for
her until she makes contact. No hiding or running from
that. That's the price of love. You hand someone the
ability to hurt you.
