Uploaded on July 13th, 2009
10:35 AM, Monday, July 6th, 2009:
My relationship with Columbus has changed quite a bit over the years. I really do love this city and it will always feel like mine. I can't imagine LA will ever feel like that. An ownership where you just know every street, every story, every piece of history and everything seems "holdable". After living in LA for 10 years Columbus feels like a play-city. Nothing seems overwhelming after LA I guess. Even if my career reached the stratosphere - you always know that having this same feeling about Hollywood would be fleeting. It's temporary. A baton that will be passed to the next big thing very soon.
That was a strange ramble.
It's very interesting because the first time I came back to Columbus after moving (only 5 months or so) made me sick to my stomach. It was a time that Jess and I were dangerously close to having to come back for good. So seeing the road signs just hit me like a 2x4 to the stomach. It all meant failure. It didn't mean that to Jess. Heh. All seems rather fated now doesn't it? The Journey really was always my internal struggle looking back. She was supportive as hell - but always hoped we'd go back. I wanted nothing of the sort, I had unfinished business.
Now that I actually see the path to success so clearly? Columbus is just awesome for me. It's where all my friends and family are. I could spend a month here and see a different friend/family member each day and laugh and reminisce. It's suddenly the most comfortable place in the world to me. All because I stayed in LA and really put the pieces together. If everything completely falls apart with Comedy Central in a couple months? Columbus won't feel like this. I'll have that annoying itch to get back and keep pushing. And there's the point of this entry:
I felt this for about 4 weeks with Up & Adam. It's the greatest feeling I've ever known. It's called "being nice to myself". Knowing I don't have to scheme and "fight the fight" every waking second because I've actually gotten to the level where other people are taking the reigns and you actually have to be patient. Nothing to scheme, nothing to invent, nothing to do but relax and float downstream. I said I wanted it, and man did I get it.
But you know what I'm really excited about? Columbus press. Funny right? Something I barely scratch when I lived here. The Other Paper when I was at WTVN and The Lantern (OSU college paper) for 4tvs. That's it. All the discs I released, all the fans, all the radio shows... it was as if no one knew what the hell to do with me. I didn't belong in this city... but in a couple months? They just may embrace me as much as I embrace them.
Or not. That last article in '04 about the Seacrest Sign was pretty shitty.
Ahh - back when people didn't understand LOL was a descriptor not a call to action.
But it really is something I take personally. It's like finding acceptance from your dad. If your hometown isn't supportive of you... it kinda eats at ya. Then again, the truth about showbusiness is that those who know you best are oftentimes the least supportive. "You're not special, I knew you in the 80s". LOL. Any aspiring songwriter knows this all too well when they release a CD and your friends get pissed that they don't get a free copy. Complete strangers are happy to support you, but your friends are offended. Join your Facebook Group? What makes you special? Stop emailing me, we went to high school together. So true. I think it's a human thing though - the "other side" is always greener. Meaning, that dude you've known your whole life isn't uber-talented. How could he be? Ooooooh that guy from the interesting city that I've never been to... he's the shit. I'll support him. The exoticness gets ya.
...yet you still covet that support and acceptance. Nothing will feel better to me than a news story on one of the local news channels or something on the cover of the Dispatch, etc. Or a huge show back in Columbus once everything airs. That would honestly mean more than selling out the Staples Center. Isn't that odd? I've never really written about this, but I'm curious if other people in my shoes feel the same way.
And of course, makin' dad proud. :-) It's not a mother/father thing - I know my mother is proud of me as well, but since my father was a performer my entire childhood (full-time musician until just a few years ago) there will always be that yearning to make him proud. I have, that's not in doubt, but he will always be the first phone call. He will always be the one person who knows every second of my life in a way no one can, and with an understanding only a fellow performer can have. Very unique relationship we have for sure. Oooh ooooh and now I can show you the videophone stuff from overseas....
Just so freaking cool. Of course he videotaped the calls. Hahaha. I love how I've influenced my dad. Fatha even has his own blog now. Love that shit.
RantsAndObservations.com is mostly political stuff, but he's actually doing a little series on me and what's coming up in the next few months that has been very fun to read. Gotta be kinda cool for Journey readers to check out come to think of it. The similarities between us are pretty endearing.
So tomorrow it all ends. This little extension will finally expire and I will take my final flights to get back to LA. What a long, strange trip it's been. So glad I ended it in Columbus.
ps - in all seriousness - to anyone I missed please know that not only did I not have very much time... I also didn't have my cell phone. I didn't bring it overseas because my razr doesn't have a sim card and it wouldn't work - and I never intended on coming back to Ohio. So it's been incredibly difficult to arrange things last minute. I hope to come back in September for my high school reunion - but with all that's going on, that may get pushed to Christmas. No matter what, I'm back here at the New Year to film stuff for "From 1 to 1000" on the 10 year anniversary. Whew.