Goddddddamn. This
is just unavoidable. The incredible amount of death
this month is unreal. All the people I mentioned in
the Michael Jackson entry (now Ed Mcmahon and to a
lesser degree Billy Mayes) and now aaaaaaNOTHER plane
crashes into the ocean and you ready for this? The
fucking train tracks I was on in Italy yesterday?
A bit further north, a couple hours after I got
off, a train crashed, exploded and killed 14 people. I
am now on a plane from Venice to London and I gotta
say - I'm a bit unnerved. I've just never seen so much
unexpected tragedy - plane crashes of that proportion
don't happen in the same month... and to have just
been on those train tracks... <shakes
head>
This is a strange
subject for me because I personally don't think I'm
going to die young, but I have to say - it's hard to
read through The Journey from someone else's shoes and
not think: "This fucker creates like he's trying to
fit a lifetime into 10 years". You know? I just don't
know of any other person like me. To do so much with
so little success to show for it. Sometimes 50 views
on a video that took so much work... and I just keep
going. Like whether it's good or not is subjective,
and not really my place to say - but there's enough
material from the time I was 18 to fill a
lifetime. It's weird right? Why does this guy keep
going? Sometimes it seems almost fated that I die
unexpectedly and then all my shit is
discovered.
And if it happens
on this plane, no one will ever read this. HAHAHA. I
know this is an uncomfortable subject but The Journey
has become so giant that it's hard to not address the
audacity of it, and try to make sense out of it. Why
did I do nearly 30 entries this month? Who does that?
Who would ever put that much work into something that
honestly no one is going to see. I think 1 video the
entire month got over 100 views. Basically because
people can't keep up and I can't even keep up telling
them about it. Who has the time? And why am I giving
so much?
It just feels like
a crescendo. It reads like a crescendo. Like, I die in
this plane right now? Everyone looks at the last month
and goes: "brotha knew that shit was gonna
happen"
And also... how do
I go back to a normal life now (assuming I don't
die - LMAO). Nothing more inspiring to me than this
month. Nothing more influential or more of what I want
to be able to do than this month. That's the kind of
lasting effect I want to have. This kind of month
where it screams: "DUDE LIVED. He didn't waste a
moment." But the bar is a a little high right now. An
entry about finding a couch? Yeah, not feelin' that
anymore. I mean I'm honestly concerned that I'm
now going to avoid a "normal" 9-5 life so hard
that I'm gonna risk it all. I have this feeling I'm
just gonna jump more and more and more and all caution
will be thrown to the wind. Because it's working so
GODDAMN well right now...and if I don't die in
some plane (or fucking train) crash? Then let's
go crazy. Just for interesting entries.
Wow, this month
changed my life. Forget making #1000 hit on April
1st.... I'm gonna hit it on the 10 year anniversary.
And no one's gonna read 'em all until I'm dead.
LMAO.
I just feel
really uneasy right now. I think I'm ready to go
home. Almost there. One more special entry when I get
into London...
...which, wait,
actually makes it exactly 30 friggin' entries in one
month. I can guarantee you that won't happen
again.
Adam
PS - Told you I'd
get the worry bead video in here somewhere.
LOL.
