3:02 PM, Tuesday, June 30th, 2009:
Goddddddamn. This is just unavoidable. The incredible amount of death this month is unreal. All the people I mentioned in the Michael Jackson entry (now Ed Mcmahon and to a lesser degree Billy Mayes) and now aaaaaaNOTHER plane crashes into the ocean and you ready for this? The fucking train tracks I was on in Italy yesterday? A bit further north, a couple hours after I got off, a train crashed, exploded and killed 14 people. I am now on a plane from Venice to London and I gotta say - I'm a bit unnerved. I've just never seen so much unexpected tragedy - plane crashes of that proportion don't happen in the same month... and to have just been on those train tracks... <shakes head>
This is a strange subject for me because I personally don't think I'm going to die young, but I have to say - it's hard to read through The Journey from someone else's shoes and not think: "This fucker creates like he's trying to fit a lifetime into 10 years". You know? I just don't know of any other person like me. To do so much with so little success to show for it. Sometimes 50 views on a video that took so much work... and I just keep going. Like whether it's good or not is subjective, and not really my place to say - but there's enough material from the time I was 18 to fill a lifetime. It's weird right? Why does this guy keep going? Sometimes it seems almost fated that I die unexpectedly and then all my shit is discovered.
And if it happens on this plane, no one will ever read this. HAHAHA. I know this is an uncomfortable subject but The Journey has become so giant that it's hard to not address the audacity of it, and try to make sense out of it. Why did I do nearly 30 entries this month? Who does that? Who would ever put that much work into something that honestly no one is going to see. I think 1 video the entire month got over 100 views. Basically because people can't keep up and I can't even keep up telling them about it. Who has the time? And why am I giving so much?
It just feels like a crescendo. It reads like a crescendo. Like, I die in this plane right now? Everyone looks at the last month and goes:  "brotha knew that shit was gonna happen"
And also... how do I go back to a normal life now (assuming I don't die - LMAO). Nothing more inspiring to me than this month. Nothing more influential or more of what I want to be able to do than this month. That's the kind of lasting effect I want to have. This kind of month where it screams: "DUDE LIVED. He didn't waste a moment." But the bar is a a little high right now. An entry about finding a couch? Yeah, not feelin' that anymore. I mean I'm honestly concerned that I'm now going to avoid a "normal" 9-5 life so hard that I'm gonna risk it all. I have this feeling I'm just gonna jump more and more and more and all caution will be thrown to the wind. Because it's working so GODDAMN well right now...and if I don't die in some plane (or fucking train) crash? Then let's go crazy. Just for interesting entries.
Wow, this month changed my life. Forget making #1000 hit on April 1st.... I'm gonna hit it on the 10 year anniversary. And no one's gonna read 'em all until I'm dead. LMAO.
I just feel really uneasy right now. I think I'm ready to go home. Almost there. One more special entry when I get into London...
...which, wait, actually makes it exactly 30 friggin' entries in one month. I can guarantee you that won't happen again.
PS - Told you I'd get the worry bead video in here somewhere. LOL.