Well look at that.
Someone flipped the script on the man that insists on
writing his own. This was supposed to be about her.
This was a rebranding of a city that held bad memories
for Ann Walker. I had no idea that she planned to
rebrand something more than her memories. She was
rebranding someone who had sacrificed the finer things
in life to achieve his dream, and who hadn't the
slightest idea what he was missing.
If your computer
can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's
loaded) click the "HD" button...
It's the one
slightly quirky thing about me (like you have only one
Adam). I have never cared about that life. The
extravagant side of things. Most people get into this
business hoping to get to that point, and I'm being
100% sincere when I tell you - it just never occurs to
me. I want to create better and better art, and I
spend all extra money on things that will support that
venture. If I were a millionaire? I'd have a better
studio, better equipment. I just see no need in $100
dinners and $20 drinks.
however, sitting in Paris drinking in some swanky
location off the Seine River waiting for our table...
I kinda got it. I just wanted the option...
really bad. I didn't want it all the time, but I just
felt so special. I couldn't stop smiling. Everything
seemed alligned, and I just, wanted, this, option. To
not even look at the price, to enjoy the finest things
in the world - for the first time it registered with
me. And also seemed attainable if I put my mind to it.
I suddenly saw a completely different life than I've
ever known. My foundation would always be in the 33
years of struggling that got me to this moment, but
the building on top of that foundation was changing. I
felt worth it. I've never felt worth it...
...and it's all on
this site in black & white. Years of scrimping,
making the absolute utmost with everything I have,
stretching every dollar so far people think I must be
a drug dealer to afford the things I have. Suddenly,
with Comedy Central, with quitting the 9-5, with the
trips this June, and with Ann Walker saying: "You
deserve this...", I finally agree. I do belong. I am
worth it. I deserve to experience these things, and
all I need to do is believe that.
I'm ready to live.
I'm ready to have these options, to make and
spend this money and enjoy feeling worth it. To some
of you, this must be the strangest entry ever. You see
me as this incredibly narcicisstic person who thinks
he's more important than anyone on the planet. And
just because I joke about having no way of
refuting the narcicisstic claim, doesn't mean I
agree. It's just futile if people don't read the whole
Journey, and I never assume anyone will. Those that do
realize that it's a life's work-in-progress and this
entry is another step. I'm devoted to the project and
showing the transformation. I'm not sure what the end
result is, but it's happening one way or another.
Whether I'm a better person because of it, is in the
eye of the beholder.
As is how you view
this site. My idea of narcicissm? Would be no entries
in June. Interesting right? The thought of that makes
my stomach turn. To not share this month with those
who have followed me? With those who have trudged
through soooooooooo much shit? To think only of myself
and just "go on vacation" and not continue to create?
That would be incredibly self-centered. Several of you
however, see the exact opposite. What does that say
about how you feel about you? Oooooooooooooooooh.