Saturday, June 13th, 2009:
In one audacious statement, a man completely changed my life. In one challenge to jump, 4 years of depression since my husband died were brought into focus and I knew that all the second-guessing in the world couldn't make this challenge go away. Where did he come from? How did he know? Why did he think I'd jump?
I did.
He looked me in the eyes and made me feel 30 years younger. He saw someone I hadn't seen in decades and dared me to remember. He woke me up. He made me feel like a teenager with a crush when I was certain I'd live the rest of my life as a mother and grandmother. Now? I'm in Paris and can't remember being this happy. I can't remember laughing so much. He is so far beyond his years, he makes me feel like the inexperienced one. I am alive again. I see my future and it finally involves action, not reaction. However, it's not without incessant insecurity...
It's one thing living up to the standard women my age have set in this industry, but this man is in his early 30s. He could have any woman he wants, why would he put up with the stares we most certainly get? What does he see in me?
He is special. He is so pure of heart that he doesn't care, or hides it really well. I'm not sure how I won't fall in love with him. Who am I kidding? I have fallen in love with him. How do we co-exist beyond Paris? "Live this life for now" he wrote in a song that made me cry for a night and then some, but the "life for later..." can't escape my concern. I know I must grab hold of the life I have left to me, with or without his daily conversations. With or without our dinners, talking over his and my daily lives. However, the alternative is sitting at home watching "Dancing with the Stars" with my dog, Precious, and watching my life pass me by. For some reason I decided to believe in his eyes and take this journey. His Journey. My Journey.
And now I am in Paris! With him. A man that I feel I've known my entire life and I get to spend this special moment in his life before his career goes into the stratosphere. He has no idea what is about to occur... and I get to show him a taste of that world. I get to watch him enjoy the finest restaurants. I get to show him how much he doesn't belong counting pennies, though it's all he's ever known. I get to help him understand just how rare his talents are and how far he is going to go.
And in return, I get to remember the woman I was years ago and laugh with him and love him... for now. I am the luckiest woman. I am Ann Walker. And I am in Paris!
Au Revoir,
June 2009