2:18 PM, Thursday, June 11th, 2009:
Back to back randoms. There's a Journey-first. Probably would've been all one if not for being so freaked out last night. That was a pretty cool visual though now that I'm safe. Getting off that bus and seeing a lit, open warehouse type thing with passengers getting patted down by officers in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night? Crazy. So, on with another fuckton of stories I couldn't fit into the other entries...
1) Eastern Shitters
When we were on safari, much to my surprise I saw what I thought was a really interesting urinal until it occured to me this was indeed: the shitter. You just squat. Well, here's the video:
 If your computer can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's loaded) click the "HD" button... incredible.
Heh. Funny how "Bread in the Freezer" has become universal toilet music (I used it for Breaking 160 last year). You do get used to it the more you do it. It's really just like shitting in the woods. But for some reason, the awkwardness seems justified in that situation. Here it's just, well, funny. And also - you have to aim a whole lot more here. So it takes some time to realize where your feet should go for the squat. By the end of my time on safari though, I knew right where to plant my feet - and I was squattin' like a pro. I cannot imagine diahhrea is a pretty site however. Not that it ever is, but without the "bowl of protection" that has to just be an explosion. LOL. Moving on...
2) Chaos Theory
The system of travel out here is frenetic to say the least, but if you know what you're doing - you can get around really, really cheap. There's basically 4 modes of travel, Bus, Matatu, Taxi & Tuk-Tuk. Forget Taxis, they're a total rip-off. For long trips (over 2 hours) ya gotta do bus. But an 8 hour bus trip is like $12.

Matatus can range, but end up being around $4 for even a 2 hour trip - the caveat? You are squished into a mini-van with 15 of your closest friends. Then add-in another guy (or 2) that stands over you as he jumps in and out trying to get more people in and out along the trip. It's crazy-hectic, you have to do it once in your life, and generally pretty miserable.


For all in-town traffic, you go with the Tuk-Tuks (which I've run-over so much in Burnout I kept looking behind me) that are about 75 cents to $1.25 but you're only in 'em for 5 minutes or so. But it's CHAOTIC. Every mo-fo is yelling at you to get into their vehicle. Even WHEN you're in the Tuk-Tuk some dude is trying to get you into a Matatu.

It's a complete barrage of your senses and makes Manhattan look like Ohio. It's exascerbated by the language difference I'm sure, but either way - it's intense. I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna bemoan LA traffic for quite sometime after this experience. A quiet air-conditioned car with my choice of music? Heaven.
3) Not a dry heat.
Judy mentioned the heat and humidity when we got into Mombasa (our stop before and after Malindi) and I felt slightly vindicated. If a woman born in Kenya says it's hot, it's hot. I know I haven't had to deal with humidity in LA, and even when I go back to Ohio when it's humid - it's a bit much, but this is just crazy humidity and heat. No air conditioning, as close to people as you've ever been in your life, and did I mention it's humid? There's a lot of reasons I could never live in Ohio again, but every time I feel 95% humidity, I feel like I'm at an exhibit in some museum showing people what it's like on fucking MARS or something. It feels completely unliveable. Like, I would live with the "running water every Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday" thingee before I lived in a climate this humid. 'Cause guess what sweating does? It kills your mosquito repellant...
4) Here's Hopin'
...which means you get eaten alive. Both Linda and I are covered in mosquito bites. It's simply unavoidable. I have covered my body with repellant constantly. Covered nearly my entire body in the evenings, and nearly my entire body during the day, to no avail. I have a mosquito bite on my DICK for crying out loud. It's just unavoidable. The only thing that will keep you from getting malaria in Africa (everyone I've spoken to here has gotten it a couple times) is time. If you stay here long enough, you will end up getting it. I leave tomorrow, my odds are fairly good that I will not. The symptoms don't show for 4 weeks so I'll just keep on taking my pills and hope for the best. But before I came I was certain that I would cover myself so well that I wouldn't get any. It never even occured to me that the sweat would negate my attempts.
5) OMG I'm getting CANED
Damn, I should've brought this up after the Linda the Haggler story last entry. So I'm respectful of laws in general, but when in a foreign country - I'm always uber-sensitive. 'Cause you know what? They can do whatever they damn well please. Well make that shit triple when you're in a third-world country. You don't know what the fuck is gonna happen. At an internet cafe in Mombasa yesterday - there was a huge sign prohibiting any viewing of pornographic images - and the place was run by a Muslim woman dressed in the traditional garb. My first thought was "duh", why the hell would anyone do that in a public place anyway? Then wouldn't you know it, I get an email with the most GRAPHIC pornographic image EVER - like FULL fucking screen, that somehow loaded almost instantly because it was compressed to 19k. Incredible size ratio come to think of it. I opened the email (from someone I knew) because the attachment was so tiny, and then literally gasped when it came up 'cause I knew the muslim woman was behind me and I thought: "Oh fuck, they're gonna cut off my fingers." Closed it quick enough and moved on, but man that sucked. I would put a warning out to any future emails, but I'm not checking my email in Africa from this point on - so please, go ahead and send me all the naked pictures you'd like. :-)
6) The Lake Show
Was able to catch some Sportscenter yesterday morning at the place we were staying in Malindi and saw the highlights of game 3. There's a chance I will be able to see the end of Game 4 in the airport in Paris early tomorrow morning. Very happy so far obviously - they just need to win 1 game in Orlando and they'll have 2 shots at home to win it all. I think they'll win Game 4 simply because Kobe was pissed he didn't pull Game 3 out. He will step up big and win that by himself. Lose Game 5, win Game 6. Again, bet your kids on this game. The Journey Gods have spoken after Comedy Central. :-)
7) No Escape
I've read so many comments of people so envious of the trip because they too want to get away. I have to reiterate to you all - that although this trip did come from that same yearning (and to impress 2000 Adam for the movie), now it's completely different. Now I actually want to be back in LA (although very little could be done this month), so this doesn't really feel like an escape to me. And keeping The Journey updated is more work than most people do at their real jobs so it is anything but relaxing in that aspect. No the reason this is so wonderful for me is that it's like a celebration for this dude I've followed. I'm uploading these entries at this record pace because there's so much happiness in 11 days that it's somehow making up for the years of pain before it. I just want to share the balance. I know so many of you are smiling after these entries because you too felt the hard times... and you see the smiles of the goof-ball in the Indian Ocean playing fisherman. He's happy. He's really happy. It's about fucking time.
8) Misunderstanding The Journey
Judy made the comment about how much I was on the computer and it reminded me of the similar comment Chad's wife Angela made when I was in New York for my 30th. Ironically, both during some of the greatest moments of The Journey and some of the best entries I've ever done. And I realize that for some people, they just can't understand what I do. They know what vacation means, so if you're not doing it the way they would, you're wasting your time. For example in Malindi Judy went to museums and I shot last entry's video as well as the Egos bit. It was one of the best days ever. Bein' in the water... just incredible. When the sun went down - I spent the evening editing the footage and putting together the entry. That's my idea of a perfect day, and all she could say was:  "you were on the computer all evening!!". 'Cause I didn't go to a bar, etc. It's funny 'cause, it never occurs to me to say: "You went to a bar instead of writing!!" You know? Freedom is the essential ingredient to vacation. It's why vacations with your parents SUCK ASS when you're a kid. 'Cause no matter what, you end up doing what other people want to do.
Sharing these moments with people that care about me who can't be here? That makes me happy. Really happy. Trying as hard as possible to paint the picture so they actually feel what it's like? My happiest creative moments. So you'd better believe that once the sun goes down (and sometimes when it's up, 'cause shit like internet cafes are closed after 8pm), I'm going to be happiest writing, creating and sharing. Especially when the days are as interesting as the past week have been. WOW.
9) Cheating Failure
Linda interviewed me for the radio piece she's doing (which is now gonna be completely repackaged because of the Comedy Central stuff -- the constantly failing angle is kinda moot). She threw an angle at me that was really awesome: "I've found a way to cheat failure". Meaning, I paint it all in such a light, am able to make so much good "art" out of it, that I can never fail. Like who in their right mind could be divorced 3 times and really not feel like a failure? Who could have the 9 previous years I had and somehow make it look like it's all part of the grand design? The Journey is the grandest lemonade stand on the planet. It's like one of my favorite lines from a song in this project: "No matter what the fate is, I'm alright". Everything falls through with my current stuff? I'll still turn it into something. Failure is not TRYING. And I will never stop trying. I really believe that now and I really understand that. And I would give anything to help others understand that as well... but part of me believes you have to live it. Maybe you can "live it" to a degree by reading these stories and then avoid some of the missteps but... human nature for artists may just involve self-mutilation for a bit. You may just have to make your own mistakes for it to register. I just don't know yet.
10) Ready to Go
You never want to say this when leaving a place, especially when you've had such an incredible time, but my ass is ready to go. And I can't fathom coming back in this capacity anytime soon. I was prepared for the conditions, nothing shocked me about it, but I don't want to ride 8 hours on the end of a hot, humid, smelly jackhammer, and fight with people all day long about $2. It's not that I'm above it, I just don't want to do it. Kinda like what I was saying in the last entry - this isn't an escape for me, because I really love my life at the moment and am kinda itchin' to get back to it. It's more of an adventure to find the coolest little stories or situations to put this character of Adam into to make you all smile at home. That's seriously how I look at it. I'm not trying to change or save the world, just trying to make interesting entries and videos - because heaven to me right now? Is sitting in LA and working on all the stuff that's happening. When you're doing what you love, every day is a vacation. It's totally the truth. Since I love The Journey, this has been great, but I'll take a hot shower now. I know I could pull it off if I had no other options, but I do.
What an intense 11 entries in a row. Here's to takin' Friday off. Whew.
See you in Paris,