Back to back
randoms. There's a Journey-first. Probably would've
been all one if not for being so freaked out last
night. That was a pretty cool visual though now that
I'm safe. Getting off that bus and seeing a lit, open
warehouse type thing with passengers getting patted
down by officers in the middle of nowhere in the
middle of the night? Crazy. So, on with another
fuckton of stories I couldn't fit into the other
entries...
1) Eastern
Shitters
When we were on
safari, much to my surprise I saw what I thought was a
really interesting urinal until it occured to me this
was indeed: the shitter. You just squat. Well, here's
the video:
If your
computer can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter
once it's loaded) click the "HD" button...
incredible.
Heh. Funny how
"Bread in the Freezer" has become universal toilet
music (I used it for Breaking 160 last year). You do
get used to it the more you do it. It's really just
like shitting in the woods. But for some reason, the
awkwardness seems justified in that situation. Here
it's just, well, funny. And also - you have to aim a
whole lot more here. So it takes some time to realize
where your feet should go for the squat. By the end of
my time on safari though, I knew right where to plant
my feet - and I was squattin' like a pro. I cannot
imagine diahhrea is a pretty site however. Not that it
ever is, but without the "bowl of protection" that has
to just be an explosion. LOL. Moving on...
2) Chaos
Theory
The system of
travel out here is frenetic to say the least, but if
you know what you're doing - you can get around
really, really cheap. There's basically 4 modes of
travel, Bus, Matatu, Taxi & Tuk-Tuk. Forget Taxis,
they're a total rip-off. For long trips (over 2 hours)
ya gotta do bus. But an 8 hour bus trip is like $12.
Matatus
can range, but end up being around $4 for
even a 2 hour trip - the caveat? You are
squished into a mini-van with 15 of your
closest friends. Then add-in another guy (or
2) that stands over you as he jumps in and
out trying to get more people in and out
along the trip. It's crazy-hectic, you have
to do it once in your life, and generally
pretty miserable.
For all
in-town traffic, you go with the Tuk-Tuks
(which I've run-over so much in Burnout I
kept looking behind me) that are about 75
cents to $1.25 but you're only in 'em for 5
minutes or so. But it's CHAOTIC. Every mo-fo
is yelling at you to get into their
vehicle. Even WHEN you're in the Tuk-Tuk some
dude is trying to get you into a
Matatu.
It's a complete
barrage of your senses and makes Manhattan look like
Ohio. It's exascerbated by the language difference I'm
sure, but either way - it's intense. I'm pretty sure
I'm not gonna bemoan LA traffic for quite
sometime after this experience. A quiet
air-conditioned car with my choice of music?
Heaven.
3) Not a dry
heat.
Judy mentioned the
heat and humidity when we got into Mombasa (our stop
before and after Malindi) and I felt slightly
vindicated. If a woman born in Kenya says it's hot,
it's hot. I know I haven't had to deal with humidity
in LA, and even when I go back to Ohio when it's humid
- it's a bit much, but this is just crazy humidity and
heat. No air conditioning, as close to people as
you've ever been in your life, and did I mention
it's humid? There's a lot of reasons I could never
live in Ohio again, but every time I feel 95%
humidity, I feel like I'm at an exhibit in some museum
showing people what it's like on fucking MARS or
something. It feels completely unliveable. Like, I
would live with the "running water every Tuesday,
Wednesday and Saturday" thingee before I lived in a
climate this humid. 'Cause guess what sweating does?
It kills your mosquito repellant...
4) Here's
Hopin'
...which means you
get eaten alive. Both Linda and I are covered
in mosquito bites. It's simply unavoidable. I have
covered my body with repellant constantly. Covered
nearly my entire body in the evenings, and nearly
my entire body during the day, to no avail.
I have a mosquito bite on my DICK for crying out
loud. It's just unavoidable. The only thing that will
keep you from getting malaria in Africa (everyone I've
spoken to here has gotten it a couple times) is
time. If you stay here long enough, you will
end up getting it. I leave tomorrow, my odds are
fairly good that I will not. The symptoms don't show
for 4 weeks so I'll just keep on taking my pills and
hope for the best. But before I came I was certain
that I would cover myself so well that I wouldn't get
any. It never even occured to me that the sweat would
negate my attempts.
5) OMG I'm getting
CANED
Damn, I should've
brought this up after the Linda the Haggler story last
entry. So I'm respectful of laws in general, but when
in a foreign country - I'm always uber-sensitive.
'Cause you know what? They can do whatever they damn
well please. Well make that shit triple when
you're in a third-world country. You don't know what
the fuck is gonna happen. At an internet cafe in
Mombasa yesterday - there was a huge sign prohibiting
any viewing of pornographic images - and the place was
run by a Muslim woman dressed in the traditional garb.
My first thought was "duh", why the hell would anyone
do that in a public place anyway? Then wouldn't you
know it, I get an email with the most GRAPHIC
pornographic image EVER - like FULL fucking screen,
that somehow loaded almost instantly because it was
compressed to 19k. Incredible size ratio come to think
of it. I opened the email (from someone I knew)
because the attachment was so tiny, and then literally
gasped when it came up 'cause I knew the muslim
woman was behind me and I thought: "Oh fuck,
they're gonna cut off my fingers." Closed it quick
enough and moved on, but man that sucked. I would put
a warning out to any future emails, but I'm not
checking my email in Africa from this point on - so
please, go ahead and send me all the naked pictures
you'd like. :-)
6) The Lake
Show
Was able to catch
some Sportscenter yesterday morning at the place we
were staying in Malindi and saw the highlights of game
3. There's a chance I will be able to see the end of
Game 4 in the airport in Paris early tomorrow morning.
Very happy so far obviously - they just need to win 1
game in Orlando and they'll have 2 shots at home to
win it all. I think they'll win Game 4 simply because
Kobe was pissed he didn't pull Game 3 out. He
will step up big and win that by himself. Lose Game 5,
win Game 6. Again, bet your kids on this game. The
Journey Gods have spoken after Comedy Central.
:-)
7) No
Escape
I've read so many
comments of people so envious of the trip because they
too want to get away. I have to reiterate to you all -
that although this trip did come from that same
yearning (and to impress 2000 Adam for the movie), now
it's completely different. Now I actually want to be
back in LA (although very little could be done this
month), so this doesn't really feel like an
escape to me. And keeping The Journey updated
is more work than most people do at their real
jobs so it is anything but relaxing in that aspect. No
the reason this is so wonderful for me is that it's
like a celebration for this dude I've followed. I'm
uploading these entries at this record pace because
there's so much happiness in 11 days that it's somehow
making up for the years of pain before it. I just want
to share the balance. I know so many of you are
smiling after these entries because you too felt the
hard times... and you see the smiles of the goof-ball
in the Indian Ocean playing fisherman. He's
happy. He's really happy. It's about
fucking time.
8)
Misunderstanding The Journey
Judy made the
comment about how much I was on the computer and it
reminded me of the similar comment Chad's wife Angela
made when I was in New York for my 30th.
Ironically, both during some of the greatest moments
of The Journey and some of the best entries I've ever
done. And I realize that for some people, they just
can't understand what I do. They know what vacation
means, so if you're not doing it the way they would,
you're wasting your time. For example in Malindi Judy
went to museums and I shot last entry's video as well
as the Egos bit. It was one of the best days ever.
Bein' in the water... just incredible. When the sun
went down - I spent the evening editing the footage
and putting together the entry. That's my idea of a
perfect day, and all she could say was: "you
were on the computer all evening!!". 'Cause
I didn't go to a bar, etc. It's funny 'cause, it
never occurs to me to say: "You went to a bar instead
of writing!!" You know? Freedom is the essential
ingredient to vacation. It's why vacations with your
parents SUCK ASS when you're a kid. 'Cause no
matter what, you end up doing what other people want
to do.
Sharing these
moments with people that care about me who can't be
here? That makes me happy. Really happy. Trying as
hard as possible to paint the picture so they actually
feel what it's like? My happiest creative
moments. So you'd better believe that once the sun
goes down (and sometimes when it's up, 'cause shit
like internet cafes are closed after 8pm), I'm going
to be happiest writing, creating and sharing.
Especially when the days are as interesting as the
past week have been. WOW.
9) Cheating
Failure
Linda interviewed
me for the radio piece she's doing (which is now gonna
be completely repackaged because of the Comedy Central
stuff -- the constantly failing angle is kinda moot).
She threw an angle at me that was really awesome:
"I've found a way to cheat failure". Meaning, I paint
it all in such a light, am able to make so much good
"art" out of it, that I can never fail. Like who in
their right mind could be divorced 3 times and really
not feel like a failure? Who could have the 9 previous
years I had and somehow make it look like it's all
part of the grand design? The Journey is the grandest
lemonade stand on the planet. It's like one of my
favorite lines from a song in this project: "No matter
what the fate is, I'm alright". Everything falls
through with my current stuff? I'll still turn it into
something. Failure is not TRYING. And I will never
stop trying. I really believe that now and
I really understand that. And I would give
anything to help others understand that as well... but
part of me believes you have to live it. Maybe you can
"live it" to a degree by reading these stories and
then avoid some of the missteps but... human nature
for artists may just involve self-mutilation for a
bit. You may just have to make your own
mistakes for it to register. I just don't know
yet.
10) Ready to
Go
You never want to
say this when leaving a place, especially when you've
had such an incredible time, but my ass is ready to
go. And I can't fathom coming back in this capacity
anytime soon. I was prepared for the conditions,
nothing shocked me about it, but I don't want to ride
8 hours on the end of a hot, humid, smelly jackhammer,
and fight with people all day long about $2. It's not
that I'm above it, I just don't want to do it. Kinda
like what I was saying in the last entry - this
isn't an escape for me, because I really love my life
at the moment and am kinda itchin' to get back to it.
It's more of an adventure to find the coolest little
stories or situations to put this character of Adam
into to make you all smile at home. That's seriously
how I look at it. I'm not trying to change or save the
world, just trying to make interesting entries and
videos - because heaven to me right now? Is sitting in
LA and working on all the stuff that's happening. When
you're doing what you love, every day is a vacation.
It's totally the truth. Since I love The Journey, this
has been great, but I'll take a hot shower now. I know
I could pull it off if I had no other options, but I
do.
What an intense 11
entries in a row. Here's to takin' Friday off.
Whew.
