I am trying
desperately to take a freaking day off. Seriously. No
one is EVER going to read all this, but I can't stop
experiencing cool shit and thinking of fun videos.
Just sooooooooooo many things. Which of course means a
Randoms entry. We shall start with the
video...
1) Paradise
Lost
I talked up
Malindi quite a bit in the last entry, and although it
is all sorts of beautiful... after even 2 days
there are a couple things that could never fly
for more than a week. One of which would be the 5AM
wake up call of some sort of Muslim prayer being
scuh-REAMED through apparently 349 hidden megaphones
at ear piercing decibles.
If your computer
can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's
loaded) click the "HD" button...
incredible.
Seriously, it's
"wake-you-up-out-of-the-dead-of-sleep" loud. For the
video, of course I had to re-enact it because the
SUN ISN'T UP at 5am so there was no light.
But granted, the reaction is the same. Your initial
reaction is that the end is near. The audio I captured
is actually quite tame in comparison to earlier ones.
Sometimes they're really distorted and screaming. It
happens all throughout the day as well, but nothin'
like 5am. I know there's some irrational fear of
muslim chanting as an American, but you could be
reciting nursery rhymes and at that decible? At that
time? Not cool. Intense. And would grow very
old...
2)
Beggars
...as would the
constant haggling. Listen, if it was just
people sellin' shit? I get it. But here, the
streets are filled with people constantly trying to
give you some advice on where to go and then when you
walk into that place, expect money for it. You're just
hard pressed to move without incessant badgering. If
you're in the right mood, it's no biggie - you have
fun with it... but sometimes you'd like to just go buy
a bottle of water and you have to mentally prepare
yourself for the battles. Oh and don't ever pay them.
Then you're really fucked. Then there will be dozens
of guys lining your walkway to every store once word
gets out that you'll pay. Because believe me, they
remember the white people. Heh, speaking of
that...
3)
OBAMA!
So I wore my Obama
shirt most of the time I was here (as you see in the
video) and as you can imagine, they're all extremely
proud of his Kenyan heritage. So everyone in town
called me "OBAMA!" when they were trying to sell me
things or give me advice. Then I went out
without my Obama shirt on... and they
still called me Obama. That was strange. You
soon realize that you might as well be a celebrity if
you're white in certain parts of Africa. You are, as
Alom mentioned to me in London, a target. Not
necessarily for an attack, etc., but you have a pretty
big: "Fuck with me" sign on your back if you're
white. Bottom line is, they know you have money -
'cause your ass sure ain't on the streets with them
selling advice. ;-)
4) SAdam
Kontras
You know it
really bugged me when the first George Bush
used to call Saddam Hussein, SAdam Hussein
(rhyming with Adam) during the Gulf War in '91. He was
the only one I ever remember doing it honestly.
But nothing more annoying than every single person in
Africa thinking I'm Arab. It culminated yesterday with
a dude actually calling me Saddam Hussein as a joke.
'Cause clearly I was Arab and maybe I looked up to
him? Guys, do I look that Arab? Granted the "African"
shirt I got has an egyptian feel - so that doesn't
help... but no one ever picked me for Arab in the
states. It's always Italian. I found myself looking in
the mirror saying: "Arab? Arab?". In fact in the last
video the dude in the water with me laughing is
laughing because of my reaction to being called Arab.
I mean Greek is mediterranean - so I'm not that far
off in background... but it has been every
single person out here. Oh well - it was never seen as
a bad thing. I'm just uber-concerned with how I'm
perceived because of the entertainment industry - and
Arab American isn't winning a lot of good fortune in
the states at the moment. The more I think of it,
it's clear that people assume what they know the most
of. You see more Italian people in the states than
Arab... so, voila - dark? Italian. Out here, the
reverse is true. I'll just keep telling myself that...
and then trim my beard when I get to Paris.
:-)
5) Where in the
world are... Adam & The Egos (You can sing that
perfectly)
I was gonna save
this for later - but I'm working on a bit with The
Egos where everyone is all over the world. I did
Adam's bit here in Malindi...
Yes, ala
Trinitrons 2, Live Adam has gone off to some remote
location to "find himself"... however this time he
really is out in the middle of nowhere. He gets a call
from Cameron in London and... well, you have that to
look forward to. :-) But seriously, like I could
waste an opportunity with these backdrops. That shit
is CRAZY. It actually looks more Greece than Africa.
Hmmm...
6) Indian Date
Rape Drugs: Cold Medicine
Not to give
assholes any ideas, but cold medicine from India is
stronger than anything I've ever taken with the
possible exception to Dilotid I got in an emergency
room. I was starting to get a cold and Linda had some
tablets from India that just messed me up. Apparently
we (Judy, Rumba, Linda & I) were eating dinner?
'Cause I don't remember. But it's all so hazy - and
the next morning? I felt completely hungover. Like, it
was "check your ass for bruising" hungover. LOL.
Hahaaha. That's not really funny Adam. <still
laughing> It is kinda funny. Hey, it happened to me
so I can say it, right? <goes to the bathroom to
check his ass for bruising>
7) Linda the
Haggler
I don't know what
happened to Linda in the short time she's been in
India - but bitch is mean. Like a gooood
mean. Won't pay the first offered price for
anything out here. I don't care if it's 5
shillings (not even a dime) she will barter you until
you feel pummelled. She goes straight into the:
"No, don't do that to me, I'm not stupid - 200". She
loves that shit. She will publically humiliate your
ass on your first offer. It's the way of the world,
and I can play the game too... but she actually
enjoys it. So when it comes to getting
something, I drag her along. She just gets to that
uncomfortable level where in my head I'm
thinking:
"DUDE THEY'RE GOING TO CANE US",
but she just barrels through. And wins. :-) I respect
that, makes her a good journalist.
8) Chasing The
Story
As I mentioned
before, most of the paid stories Linda and I were
gonna do fell through, but I was so ecstatic
about Comedy Central I could've given two shits.
However for Linda, it's her livelihood so I was hopin'
something worked. Today we finally chased down Andrew
Mwangura who is some sort of "Negotiator of the seas".
Hard to get a clear picture of exactly who he is, but
Samuel L. Jackson and his production company are
shadowing him for a couple of weeks in preperation for
a movie of his life - so he's got one helluva story.
And it fits right in with the recent upswing in
pirates because those are the types of situations he's
dealing with...
...however whether
he's dealing with a full deck of cards remains to be
seen because the man we met today was either totally
putting us on or is so completely paranoid about every
person he meets he's un-interviewable. When the
question "Where were you born?" turns into lessons
about "The Sea" and how we're "all children of the
world..." it gets a little trying. I was just
there to run the camera and the moment that came out -
I got questioned for all sorts of credentials to prove
I wasn't CIA or something (like non-informants have a
card - lol). Either way - he was never intending to do
the interview, and it was a loooooooooooong trip for
nothing. And btw - dude totally looks like Samuel L.
Jackson, however is so soft-spoken, I cannot imagine
how "MUTHA-FUCKA" will be able to play him. :-) But
hey -- it did allow us the time in Malindi (2 hours
away) and for that, I'm eternally grateful. Thank you
Mr. Mwangura.
But everyone, keep
Linda in your thoughts. What I witnessed today blew my
mind. She set everything up with him ahead of time,
took the 8 hour bus ride to Mombasa, did days of
research, had to prepare pitches to her company -- get
them approved (which was the hard part so we thought),
and then have him just flake. I mean, he did show up -
but just totally wasted our time and wouldn't do the
interview. Free-lance journalism is a hard gig. It's
tons of work that is all on a hope that it'll
be picked up, then even after it's approved and you do
all of it - they can still turn it down... and THEN
you get to bug them for payment forever. YIPEEE. Hats
off to her.
9) You can never
bitch about potholes. Ever.
That's a shitty
title for a random, I admit, but I need to be clear:
No Americans reading this have the slightest fucking
idea what potholes are. At first I wondered why there
were tire shops on every corner, then I remembered the
Intestine Blender of a ride I was on when
I saw said tire shop and made the connection.
These are the worst fucking excuses for roads I've
ever witnessed. So bumpy that in a busride -- you will
see people airbourne. Yet there's internet and cell
phones. And it's not like these people don't pay
taxes, they just have corrupt governments.
10)
WOAH.
Did they watch me
write that last line? Just now they stopped the bus
we're on and people start getting off. A guy comes
back to us and is speaking in Swahili and we're
clueless. Finally he says we had to get off the bus
for our own safety. I think instantly they're gonna go
through our shit, so I bring everything with me
outside. I get off and everyone's standing in this big
open warehouse type thing in the middle of nowhere
getting patted down. It was a scene out of a movie.
It's these times that go back to my initial "OMG I'm
getting CANED" random. They could just fuck with you.
They didn't, patted us down, checking for weapons
(which they did, and WANDED us when we got ON
), and we got back on the bus. Jesus. I'm glad there's
one day left here. For sure. I've seen enough. I'm
shutting this off and praying I get the fuck back to
Nairobi.
