11:59 PM, Sunday, May 17th, 2009:
And the similarities to 2006 keep on rollin'...
<Quick aside before any of you even think it: My actions will always be positive and attempt to exploit every possible angle to find a positive outcome even if I'm aware of negative things. These entries show how it feels. And I will not sit here like some A&E biography and paint a rosy picture of the bumps in the road to success. I also won't try and brainwash myself with constant positive thinking that ends up keeping you from solving the problem by ignoring it. As I do with everything, I treat it with logic... but write songs and entries with my heart.>
With that being said, the hill just got a little steeper. In 2006, so much stuff was going on I had to quit my job to focus and within a month everything unravelled and I was out of a job. I felt kinda like a boob. Luckily a couple months later a call from CBS made everything "ok" and the rest is history. Right about now, part of me is cursing the "jumping inner child" because a part of why I quit, Paradigm, is now (and always was) contingent on Comedy Central. The badass in me has no problem with that... I'm actually being seen & heard so I have no problem believing I will be judged fairly and this will all turnout fine... but there's just enough of this that's completely out of my hands that I am aware that I may have made the 2006 mistake again. But man did this situation write a catchy song:
 If your computer can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's loaded) click the "HD" button... incredible.
Seriously? This may be the catchiest song I've ever written. It tortured my psyche for days until I finally recorded it assuming that would "get it out" and it only made it worse. Once I added some little flowery background parts it was OVER. I think I've listened to it 50 times today. I'll include the mp3 so you too can try and fix the jones by "hearing it out of your system". Good luck with that. Oh, and of course the lyrics:
When you know, what you know, what you knew,
It's time to go, time to flow, time to do,
You've climbed for years, now you're nearin' the top,
But life just sneers as it cheers you to stop.
I just wanna float, down, stream,
But Jesus all these stones stop my dreams,
The Journey keeps testin' me,
'Cause Christ I wanna float, downstream...
You know you're close, another dose, and you'll be there,
It's like a drug to watch this rug just disappear,
You feel the mo, feel the ment, fell the mum,
But once you go, it's cement, it's the numb.
I just wanna float, down, stream,
But Jesus all these stones stop my dreams,
The Journey keeps testin' me,
'Cause Christ I wanna float, downstream...
Now to make things extremely clear, nothing has actually "shifted". Just a lack of initial information and miscommunication made me ever think otherwise. Paradigm was always gonna be contingent on Comedy Central and it's a product of dealing with an agency of that stature. Same thing happened with Management 360 last year (wow another entry I can unlock now... YAY), you've got several people that have to agree you're a good enough risk as a client and it can be tricky to make those heads align. And honestly, even with some sort of development deal with Comedy Central? They still could disagree. Nothing is certain, and I've been around long enough to know that. I just got excited. :-) Rest assured however, I've already jumped - there is no going back, I just need a whole lot more pieces to the parachute in order not to break my legs.
First and foremost, this meeting is a big freaking deal now. Weller/Grossman and I need to have a clear understanding of what we want to achieve and we must be on the same page. I will never let something in my control keep me from achieving success (which explains these freaking white-strips on my teeth right now) and since we're all going into this meeting together... we need to be cohesive. There is absolutely no reason this doesn't end positively, but the stakes just got a little bit higher...
...and part of me loves that shit.
PS - I know, I know "mo-ment-mum" instead of "mo-ment-um" in the song, but I took the "Lennon" route in that lyric. The nonsensical version sounded better. Goo-Goo-G'Joob.