Why pay thousands
in plastic surgery when you can buy a paper
clip?
Clearly my
McGuyver technique will sweep the cosmetic surgery
field like Schwimmer's Alfrect Retractor in the
underrated movie Breast Men. Which is to say it will
do nothing of the kind. No, I'm afraid my "Kontras
Klip" will not open plastic surgery to the
"do-it-yourself" crowd anytime soon. However, it's a
cute picture and a humorous story.
So apparently the
base of my mole is big enough that the techniques Dr.
Burns felt comfortable performing could leave a
less than desired result. It's all goofy to me because
I've never had an issue with it from a cosmetic angle
(the fat pockets under my eyes from elbow injuries in
basketball actually annoy me more) but I certainly
don't want to do anything that makes things worse. She
showed me a mole she had removed and it looked great,
except it lost it's ability to "tan" and that may be
even more distracting with my greek skin.
Unfortunately the removal techniques to avoid this
require an actual plastic surgeon using all sorts of
"suture" proceedures for the different layers of skin.
Which of course
lead to my remembrance of Donna's technique for
removing her own moles which was basically "tieing
them off" with string. Little by little she cut off
the blood supply over a couple weeks (usually
overnight) to the point of it just falling off. The
location of mine made that pretty difficult as well as
it being wider than it was long made any sort of
string nearly impossible. So I figured if we just had
a "clamp" of some sort, I could do the same thing.
Raiding the cabinets at Chrsty's practice brought up
nothing until I saw a random paper clip - and voila.
Well,
voila nothing. The base is just too wide, I
need to have legitimate plastic surgery - and
I'm about as likely to do that as I am to
walk around with a paperclip on my nose. It
will go into the long list of "things I'll
do" if I ever stop living week to week or
ever have health insurance at any point in my
life.
I gotta say,
that's one of the biggest things that struck me while
spending time with someone my age who is a successful
professional. I feel that my talents applied in
literally any other arena would lead to copious
amounts of money and a reasonably leisurely life. What
I've chosen is scraping together twenty-some thousand
a year (even less this year), barely scraping by
thanks to a home equity line - and literally risking
everything to make some "dream" happen. It's
crazy. People write me out of envy sometimes and I
wonder if they have any idea just how "18" I live each
day just to make it to the next morning. It's...
intense. Intense enough that you get this video of me
actually thinking I could invent some sort of device
that would squish the base of my mole enough that I
would avoid thousands of dollars in plastic surgery I
sometimes feel I'll never have.
If your computer
can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's
loaded) click the "HD" button...
incredible.
It's this constant
struggle to invent a different solution to the current
problem... that you know what? Fuck it. It's The
Journey. Yeah, so the "Kontras Klip" didn't work...
but it's that same certainty that there's another way
to get to the solution that has kept this going as far
as it has.
And when I really
do make it? It'll allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
make sense. Until then, I'll continue to believe
office supplies can replace plastic
surgery.
