12:06 PM, Sunday, May 10th, 2009:
Why pay thousands in plastic surgery when you can buy a paper clip?
Clearly my McGuyver technique will sweep the cosmetic surgery field like Schwimmer's Alfrect Retractor in the underrated movie Breast Men. Which is to say it will do nothing of the kind. No, I'm afraid my "Kontras Klip" will not open plastic surgery to the "do-it-yourself" crowd anytime soon. However, it's a cute picture and a humorous story.
So apparently the base of my mole is big enough that the techniques Dr. Burns felt comfortable performing could leave a less than desired result. It's all goofy to me because I've never had an issue with it from a cosmetic angle (the fat pockets under my eyes from elbow injuries in basketball actually annoy me more) but I certainly don't want to do anything that makes things worse. She showed me a mole she had removed and it looked great, except it lost it's ability to "tan" and that may be even more distracting with my greek skin. Unfortunately the removal techniques to avoid this require an actual plastic surgeon using all sorts of "suture" proceedures for the different layers of skin.
Which of course lead to my remembrance of Donna's technique for removing her own moles which was basically "tieing them off" with string. Little by little she cut off the blood supply over a couple weeks (usually overnight) to the point of it just falling off. The location of mine made that pretty difficult as well as it being wider than it was long made any sort of string nearly impossible. So I figured if we just had a "clamp" of some sort, I could do the same thing. Raiding the cabinets at Chrsty's practice brought up nothing until I saw a random paper clip - and voila.

Well, voila nothing. The base is just too wide, I need to have legitimate plastic surgery - and I'm about as likely to do that as I am to walk around with a paperclip on my nose. It will go into the long list of "things I'll do" if I ever stop living week to week or ever have health insurance at any point in my life.

I gotta say, that's one of the biggest things that struck me while spending time with someone my age who is a successful professional. I feel that my talents applied in literally any other arena would lead to copious amounts of money and a reasonably leisurely life. What I've chosen is scraping together twenty-some thousand a year (even less this year), barely scraping by thanks to a home equity line - and literally risking everything to make some "dream" happen. It's crazy. People write me out of envy sometimes and I wonder if they have any idea just how "18" I live each day just to make it to the next morning. It's... intense. Intense enough that you get this video of me actually thinking I could invent some sort of device that would squish the base of my mole enough that I would avoid thousands of dollars in plastic surgery I sometimes feel I'll never have.
If your computer can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's loaded) click the "HD" button... incredible.
It's this constant struggle to invent a different solution to the current problem... that you know what? Fuck it. It's The Journey. Yeah, so the "Kontras Klip" didn't work... but it's that same certainty that there's another way to get to the solution that has kept this going as far as it has.
And when I really do make it? It'll allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll make sense. Until then, I'll continue to believe office supplies can replace plastic surgery.