This should be
locked. This would be the definition of the reason you
lock an entry, and in fact is a subject matter that
introduced the whole concept of locked entries in
2002. However for the sake of transparency and to not
add further undue stress to the person involved, I
will write about it wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide
open.
Nobody understands
my relationship with my ex-manager, Charlotte. No one
in my circle of friends, and I presume no one in hers.
We're now to the point that even we don't know what
the fuck we're doing anymore. We disagree so
vehemently on how things transpired during BOTH of the
periods I was her client ('01-'02, '06-'08) that
for the first time in my life, I can't seem to find
common ground. As I've joked with her, I've had
marriages end easier than this. The crux of our
issue is that on a personal level we both care deeply
about one another and when in that realm, we get along
fine. I don't for one second doubt her sincerity
or any motives in that realm and I don't believe she
does either...
...but the
business side of things were sooooooooo bad. By
the end of both periods, we didn't trust one another
at all. We miscommunicate constantly when
talking about the individual things that happened and
I've just never known a situation so "he said/she
said" for such a length of time. Eight years people. I
mean, there were situations with Donna, but they
lasted like a week until we got to the bottom of
things, were able to understand each person's side...
and move on. Here? It's maddening. And it's incredibly
personal even when we're talking about business
things.
The past year
though, we've kept in touch and gotten along really
well because we just didn't broach that subject.
However the recent events in the past few weeks have
made it impossible. Unfortunately what's happening now
is very counter to how I understood this industry
to work according to Charlotte, and has brought up
all of our issues to the point of making it
unrealistic for me to have any sort of conversation.
I feel like I was blamed for not doing enough
when I'm finding (now that I'm doing everything
myself) that every single person I talk to in the
industry has a complete opposite view of things. All
the wounds from the past 8 years get re-opened. I
remember all the distrust I had when she took me on as
a manager and promptly began trying to edit all my
material under the guise that "it wasn't funny" and
she couldn't represent me otherwise. I remember
being completely lost on what the role of
"manager" was (and to this day, I'm still
confused honestly) and now as things are moving
forward all of those issues have to come to a
head. She paid for the costumes and drywall
& paint for the first Trinitrons shoot and
was there for every second of filming adding her 2
cents and in turn feels ownership. It's ugly and
completely heartbreaking to me because it was never
defined at the time and I honestly feel
hoodwinked 'cause I thought that was what a manager
did. It's like she wanted to be involved creatively
the entire time, but knew I would never want that, so
she called it "manager" and the fought for it to be
more as we progressed. That is my 100% BIASED view of
it. That's how it feels. I'm not saying that's
what she did and I know she's reading these words. But
as I said at the top, I have to get all this out there
because I can't sleep, I'm barely eating and
I need to find a way to move past this so I can
function.
My own
"feelings" aside, I am well aware that there is
precedent for this situation - and it happens all the
time in the industry. Because of that, I honestly
don't think my "feelings" mean dick. I just
want to know what is ethically correct. I want to
understand industry protocol. I want some goddamn
definition of what that input meant and will accept
whatever the answer is because again, there's
certainly definitions for intellectual property and
through emails and my rabid documentation, there's a
pretty clear understanding...
...except when we
meet to talk about things. (sigh) We met last night at
"Buddha's Belly" on Beverly and suffice to say it will
now be implanted in our brains just as Vitellos,
Nat's, Casa Vega, the Coffee Bean on Ventura
& Laurel Canyon and Callendar's were
previously. The events in our relationship are defined
by the restaurant, and the scenes are more vivid in
our heads because of it. My reason for needing to meet
with her was very simple, but unavoidably provocative.
It involved all of our buttons and issues, but
I couldn't talk about the past week without
addressing them. 'Cause as I said - the recent
events were a slap in the face to everything she ever
told me, and in turn actually validated the majority
of what I fought with her about since even 2001/2002.
So rather than just avoid all the trust issues,
I had to lay them out - and see if we couldn't
deconstruct the myriad of events that lead to the
distrust and find some understanding. The pink
elephant in the room was now so big I couldn't see her
anymore.
It wasn't good.
For the first time in these restaurant meetings, we
both teared up. For me it was knowing that this
really was the end. We had passed the point of no
return and twe were never going to agree. Ever.
I've looked at it through every angle my brain can
come up with - have talked to every single person I've
ever known about it, and on some issues there just
isn't grey area. She, was, wrong. She doesn't
see it that way, she is as defensive now as she was 8
years ago... and what kills me? I know in private she
deconstructs things and takes a cold, hard, look at
her role in things even if she never shows that in
public. After this many years? Of course she has. She
simply does not see it my way. We got back to the same
issue of "Trust" and of course that issue
incorporated the creative side of things which turned
the situation reallllllllllllllly ugly. She was
late for her next appointment and ended up walking out
(there aren't enough hours in a year to resolve this,
so I took no offense to the abruptness), and
I sat there as the lesbian couple next to me
tried to act like they didn't just gawk at the scene.
Good times.
I walked out
a few minutes later and she was still waiting on the
valet and I watched her car drive away. The
immediacy of a pocketcam...
It is just so
frustrating to me that the relationship is damaged
beyond repair. When nobody saw anything out of 4tvs -
she did. She put her time and money into me because
she believed it would end in a development deal. It
didn't, it ended ugly... but 4 years later she still
passed along an email about "America's Got Talent",
and we gave it all another go. It ended ugly again
(even uglier in some respects), but we had still
shared enough of our personal lives that there was a
mutual love and respect between us that to this day
we've tried to hold onto the
connection...
...now? Now it's
clear that we are at an impasse that we have tried for
years to overcome, and it's not going to happen. Oh
I still believe we will find future restaurants
when we're in our 40s 50s and 60s because one of us
has found yet another angle that we're SURE the
other person will see... but it'll be out of nostalgia
at that point. It would make for an interesting
reality show. Every 5 years, a new setting, an hour
conversation as we grow old and grey. I kid to
keep from crying because I'm totally bummed it has
come to this after years of trying to find a workable
relationship. I really thought during the time at CBS
that there would be some way to make a partnership,
but even more issues surfaced to the point where I see
no other options. The shark has been jumped, Buddha's
Belly has been rubbed and we'll both try to put this
behind us.
<shaking my
freaking head>
Adam
PS - to the
hostess last night who wore heels to make her 6' 3"
and had a dress that was 97 inches above her knee...
how the hell do you get away with that at work?
I mean, thank you -- of course thank you, but
that dress was so out of place I felt like I was
on a hidden camera show. If it was, I hope you got the
second table on the left. I know the people next
to us enjoyed the drama. (sigh)
