I'm sorry.
I just am. This has to be KILLING some of you.
And it's probably the worst thing I could have
done to new people joining "The Journey", but the
locked entries should be open next week. However, the
only way I can avoid not talking about anything
is doing a "Randoms" entry where
I specifically talk about other shit. And
I certainly need to get my mind off things for an
evening, so this will do us both some
good.
1) FRaNKENSTEINnn
3THREeEE OMGOMG OH EMMMM GEEEE!
I'm kinda giving
away my workplace if you do a little detective work,
but I just can't let this one go. Because holy
sweet horse shit Frankenstein 3 is coming out.
I work at a marketing/branding company and Dean
Koontz is one of our big clients. Handling his fanmail
has been the bain of our existence the entire time
because 85% of the emails are asking when Frankenstein
3 comes out. Dean left Frankenstein 2 as a cliffhanger
in 2005, and his take on the series is apparently
overwhelmingly popular, because the pitchforks and
torches have been heading our way ever since. There's
been no announcement, and no news to report forever -
and then suddenly we get a note that it's coming in
July?!?! We're still not sure how the hell he's gonna
pull it off - but everyone knows it now (though we
still get the idiots asking the date after they email
us
FROM THE PAGE THAT SAYS it's
coming out). Anyway - after hearing about this
everyday for almost a year, this feels like the
biggest release on the goddamn planet. This site is
supposed to chronicle what changes my character, and
believe me - knowing that the thousands of people that
email Dean as if their fucking house was on fire
because of him... knowing they will finally get their
goddamned book? Priceless. I can literally sleep
better. I'm sure he will too.
2) Dean
Kool
Dean actually
chose my voice over someone far more talented to do
this little trailer for the Frankenstein comics and I
just have to say "Thank You". The guy who was better
does the voice of "Deucalion", the main character, and
although you usually wouldn't have him do both? In
this case? Yeah, you would. I have a fine voice, but
I know when I'm beat and here
click this
- and listen to the avatar at the top of the page
(gotta wait for the storms/lightening to stop). Dude
just resonates like a mofo. But Dean was really cool
and I think he just felt a bond because the
entire office is women. He came here once and it was
like "ahhh!!! testosterone!". :-) Anyway, thanks for
giving me that gig and also thanks for finishing that
freaking book.
3) Pavlov's
Sphincter
Thanks to Jon
(dude renting the guesthouse), I now drink more coffee
than I ever have in my life. He's an addict for sure -
and now that its just always available in the kitchen
(we share that and the bathroom)... I too, kinda need
it. I drank it before (helped get me goin' in the
morning for workouts last year), but now I actually
need it. The point of this random however is not that
I drink it. It's that I have now gotten to the
point, where even the thought of drinking
coffee makes me have to take a sh... uhm, use the
bathroom. It's trippy. Used to be - a little after the
first cup... it kicks in, and we're good to go. Then,
I could barely get through a cup. Then,
I would literally put the cup to my lips - have
to put the cup down and go to the bathroom. THEN, just
the SMELL of it would work - and now? In the
morning, if I think about drinking a cup of
coffee - it's nearly instant. What the hell is that?
Is this some incredible power I've just unleashed?
I mean, shouldn't I be able to levitate or
something now? I'd like to harness this for evil. I
could be a cool villain. Though right now all
I can envision is somehow forcing people to shit
themselves with my mind. Damn, I may have just given
away an incredibly funny superhero spoof.
4) Mole
No
So the mole on my
nose has gotten bigger. Like, I'd say 3 times bigger
since I was a kid - and maybe even twice the size
in the past 10 years. It's not so much cause for alarm
as it's starting to get comically stared at when
I meet people. I've never really cared about it
as my eyes tend to dominate my features, but I've now
had several conversations in the last year or so where
they never looked at my eyes. All apologies for
any of the breast staring I've done in my life. I get
it. But I also my bank account can't even begin to
think of cosmetic surgery. Enter Dr. Christy Burns
(who I believe I mentioned last year, went to high
school together) who said she removes moles all the
time in her practice, though not usually on the face.
However the location of mine is hidden enough that
scarring won't be an issue. She said she'd do it pro
bono. Just gotta get to Minneapolis. Now, I know
cosmetic surgery is not something you probably want to
get "for free", but think of it this way: she'll play
along and let me make it into a Journey video. A
freaking funny one at that. Do you really care if it's
risky? Or do you want to see the funny movie? Exactly.
I'm there next weekend. And this won't be locked.
:-)
5) When Swine
Flew
Oh this is a
tremendous time to be flying isn't it? Forget the
flight to Minneapolis - the SEVERAL I'm taking through
Europe and Africa? Hell should I even be worried that
they might NOT let me in? I honestly think it's
all a little ridiculous. Something like 36,000 people
a YEAR in this country die from the regular
flu. This is just a different strain, and totally
treatable, so I'm not really understanding what the
big deal is. No one is explaining why this is any more
dangerous - they just like to run the tally and track
where it spreads. I'm still flying... as long as they
let me.
6) Self-Employment
JACK
So hey, that
self-employment tax is fun, huh? I actually had
$4000 more in expenses than I made as
income last year and I
OWED THE GOVERNMENT AN ASSLOAD. I
had no idea you couldn't write-off against
self-employment tax. This was not a fun night for me
on the 15th. Of course I procrastinated, and of
course it bit me in the ass, and I'm still shaking my
head. What's even worse is I work this job 9-5
and I'm not W2 so it's really the worst of both
worlds. LOL. I mean, I respect them for
pulling it off - it's totally my complete and utter
ignorance that write-offs don't affect the
self-employment tax at all... but UGH. You ready for
the other UGH?
7)
Brilliant.
In my life I've
never written a bad check. Never. It's a streak I'm
very proud of. Never gone "over my limit", never been
overdrawn nada. Until now. And guess what check Adam
decides to pop his cherry with? The one to the IRS.
Because of a misunderstanding with how my E-Trade
account works, I freaking wrote a check out of the
wrong account and bounced a check to the government.
And although I haven't gotten the notice yet, it means
I also bounced a check to the state for my property
taxes on the 10th. How's THAT for beginner's luck
HUH? Like, I don't fuck around when I screw up. It's
like your first car accident hitting a rolls royce or
your first broken bone being a VERTEBRAE. Way to go
slick.
8) Slick Tracy: 20
Years Later
Speaking of Slick,
I've found the main members of "Slick Tracy" (a short
film I made in 1990) on Facebook and I'm gonna attempt
to redo the movie next year in Columbus. My intention
is to actually reshoot the entire thing shot-for-shot
20 years later as opposed to doing any sort of sequel,
and just have fun with how goofy the script was back
then. I mean, no offense 1990 Adam, but you were
14. It's pretty bad. LOL. But I'm proud of it for what
it was. I needed to announce it so I'm accountable to
make it happen. These guys all have actual lives now
and it turns out the people in their mid-thirties have
families and can't just run off to shoot a movie on a
random weekend? Wow. Heh. So it's gonna take a lot of
co-ordinating, but this type of shit was made for The
Journey.
9) 100 days isn't
even 1/3 of a year.
This whole 100
days thing is horseshit. Absolute horseshit. It is a
barometer of nothing, he's done exactly what we
thought he would do - and the other side has reacted
as planned. It's all a game, it's all a charade and it
frustrates me only because there are serious, serious
issues at hand and everyone's busy posturing for their
side. I mean these goddamn teabaggers? Why don't
you just wear a sign that says "I'm Simple Jack". Even
yours truly, Mr. Small government Libertarian, knows
damn well that all of that ideology has no place when
you're in a freaking emergency. It's like worrying
about getting blood on your new shirt when hand was
just cut off. People are so goddamn self-centered and
lack all self-awareness. If I was starting my own
country from scratch, I believe in nearly all the
Libertarian ideals, but folks - we're not. For
example, if an independent or Libertarian candidate
won in 2000? I could get behind that. Prosperous time,
no wars - it's time to start cutting and changing the
direction of the country. The state we're in now? Ron
Paul, go home. The spending we're doing now is
not a liberal policy. It's an economic policy
that BUSH started last fall for crying out loud.
These bailouts aren't some liberal policy (believe
Obama when he says the last thing he wants to do is be
responsible for MORE shit like running a bank or
car company) they're what any economics professor
would say has to be done to avoid a depression. Bush,
Obama, McCain... any president would do the same thing
- 'cause no one wants a depression on their watch. And
because of these actions, we won't have one. It
actually is, and will continue to, work. It's a
cyclical thing that has happened dozens of times
before to varying degrees, but since no one wants to
open a BOOK, they don't bother to realize that. It's
easier to call him a socialist, communist, muslim,
half-breed, fill-in-the-blank name and picket
something you literally haven't the slightest idea
about. And judging an administration that was handed
THIS many emergencies after 3 1/2 months is an
exercise in futility. Enough.
10) ...except one
thing:
You never look
past torture. Period. He almost fucked that up
HARDcore, and saved it with passing it off to Holder.
This, as well, is NOT A LIBERAL ISSUE.
Goddamnit. What has happened to the Republican
party?!?! I listen to some of these politicians and
pundits and my jaw is on the floor. Torture is
"ok" because it got results? Don't you realize
that's exactly what the terrorists wanted? In one act
and a few short years they've made us rewrite our
entire moral and ethical code? We don't torture. We
just don't. I mean, I'm even ok with a little
"grey area" moments that may go too far that we all
assume happens, but that's not what we're talking
about. The explicit instruction to waterboard some
dude 300 times in a month is torture. We have
to investigate those responsible and hold them
accountable. Have to. This isn't a vendetta against an
administration I was obviously against, it's about the
history books reflecting that we made an eggregious
error, we fixed it - and it never continued. Torturing
is simply not something America does. And we
ALL KNOW THIS! Why are people actually
uttering the words "because it got results" as
justification? That doesn't matter. It never has.
First of all, results are implied when you torture
someone. That's the whole point of torture. To get
information. Otherwise, you'd just kill them. So
saying that "getting information" is justification for
torture is like saying a bloody nose is justification
for punching someone. It's completely missing the
point. We do not open that pandora's box because we
are the United States of America. Does Al-Qaeda do it?
Yes. Is that unfair? Yes...they are terrorists. Duh.
This is like rationalizing with 6 year olds. And how
on earth did this topic become a liberal issue. No
wonder people are jumpin' off the Republican ship so
fast...
11) DC Balancing
Act
...which I don't
think is a good thing AT ALL. I know I'm a
strange bird when it comes to my political beliefs
because I'm all over the map, but one thing I'm
certain of is that although the 2 party system is a
freaking wreck, a 1 party system is a disaster. I'm
not so much worried about the "fillibuster-proof"
majority because there's enough centrist democrats
that there's still compromising to be done... but we
NEED balance. We need some conflict and some
compromise. We just do. I don't want to see
people jump from the Republican Party, I want to
see a new leader, new ideas, new thoughts - that comes
up and makes both sides strong again. I don't know how
anyone could be proud to be a Republican right now. It
has somehow dengrated to the lowest common denominator
fear mongerish racist bunch of inbred teabaggers in
the pockets of rural America. Can they not do the
math? Probably not actually - HA. White people will be
an absolute minorty VERY soon. You ARE the Whig
party if you don't drop the fundamentalist Christian
attitude and archaic mentality. The ship ALREADY left
when Obama got elected. You can still swim to it - but
2008 was more than just a black dude becomeing
president, it was a paradigm shift that changed the
entire country. It's minority rule and a
"whites-only" party might as well by the hoods
now, because that's about how much clout you're gonna
have in 2012 or 2016. You betcha.
12) McCartney's
Mimic
Considering what
is housed in Entry #879, this is ever-so-slight, but
since most of you haven't read that yet, and the fact
that this is totally true, I have to tell you. During
a song at Coachella, I was singing along with
Paul and he looked at me right as I sang the end of
the verse. It was a classic "cause & effect"
verse (that I honestly don't remember, 'cause
I blankced out) where the beginning sets
something up, and the end of the verse answers that
set-up. Like off the top of my head "It was a sunny
day... 'cause the clouds rolled away". So I sang the
first part of the verse with my head up, and then
tilted it to the side like a dog would on the 2nd
part. (this is the hardest thing to describe ever).
Paul actually smiled at this and on the next verse,
still looking at me, did the exact same head nod and
continued on with the song. I laughed 'cause
I knew he was basically just goofing on me 'cause
he caught me overacting a verse. Kinda like Dana
Carvey's bit on how when guitarists change a chord
they have facial expressions of "surprise" like they
just discovered something? Anyway - as I said,
I laughed at his "mimic-reply" which at that
moment seemed completely normal 'cause I was
front and center. And not 5 seconds later I almost
shit myself because it occured to me what actually
just happened. This isn't an everyday occurence Adam,
that was pretty goddamn cool and you'll remember it
the rest of your life. Of course it was surpassed a
few days later when he actually SAW video of
me... WHAT? HUH?!?!?!
That was cruel.
I apologize for that. You'll want to make sure
you read the locked entries when they're opened up
next week. :-)
13) Spooky
Timing
If you
go back and read the end of April,
beginning of May in 2006 - the
similarities are uncanny. Oh wait,
GODDAMNIT I keep forgetting no one
knows what's going on. DAHHHHHHHH. Now do
you see why I hate locking entries?
Shit. Well, the point was that my time at
this job is coming to an end. I'm in the
same mode I was in back then during
America's Got Talent/Let's Bomb Iran
(which again, is amazingly end of April,
early May) and I cannot concentrate
at work. I would remake the video,
but it's identical to the one to the
right. That's what it feels like. I'm
jumping up and down inside and I don't
want to waste their money.
I'm also missing
opportunities because I can't fit everything into
the hours I have after work. It's identical to what
finally made me leave my job back then. It was risky
then, and actually all blew up in my face a month or
so later. Had I not suddenly gotten that infamous
call on September 5th that started the CBS/Egos
Odyssey, I would've been in some shit. This time
however, there is SO MUCH MORE rolling down
this hill and I'm not gonna have a choice. Expect that
entry very soon. If I thought the trip to
Europe/Africa was a Hail Mary, how 'bout that marking
me officially out-of-work?
Gulp.
14)
The Walker Reaction
So I returned the
DVDs Ann lent me of her series "Sordid Lives" and
proceeded to have one of the most fun and
laughter-filled nights I've had in quite awhile. First
of all, the woman has a stocked bar like it's a
freaking neighborhood tavern and since I'm used to the
cheapest bottom shelf alcohol on the planet, this was
pretty cool. I'm also known as "one-beer" Kontras for
a reason, so I was a cheap date. LOL. Thinking of it
now, I don't remember a whole lot... was I just
Mrs. Robinson'd? HAHAHA. I kid, I kid... but
I really don't remember why we were laughing so
much? Oh I remember... it started with me mentioning
I had been married 3 times and she had the
"Reaction of the Century":
"Oh fuck
me running in a field..."
I literally
choked. It was so instant and such a sincere "shocked"
reaction...and then suddenly? I wasn't the little kid
anymore. We were just 2 people with a lifetime
of stories to laugh about and it was probably the
first time I was ever able to wear my "record" as
a badge of honor. She's been in the industry for
<ahem> years and man, we all have Journeys you
know? Her close calls and successes are just
remarkable as is her unwillingness to give up. I
respect the hell out of that, and when people like
that take notice of you? It's incredible. You know
you're not gonna fall. Same thing when David Jacobs
(Dallas Creator) said the same thing... christ even
THAT is locked from last summer... isn't it? Yes.
Damn. A lot to release next week. Simply put, I have
some great people in my corner right now and it's a
feeling second to none..as was that reaction. :-)
Anyway, the
entries are gonna come incredibly fast in the month of
May. I'm sure a whole lot will never be seen because
of that (and because of Facebook's inability to send a
message to the whole group any faster than 3 days) and
it's really unfortunate. But I know at some point they
will be. In fact, I've never been more sure of that
point until just now.
