Best laid plans
right? I had everything all set-up for the next
several entries and I walk in the door 10 minutes ago
and one act of kindness just blows that all to shit.
:-)
It capped off a
pretty tremendous week that actually started getting
better the second I sent the last "I'm alone"
entry to everyone in the group. 'Cause everyone was so
supportive? No, because 20 people promptly left the
group within a day. And that beautiful piece of irony
made me smile ear to ear, throw my hands up, and start
to laugh. I mean, if you can't find humor in
that... you're in the wrong business. Suddenly
everything gained perspective, and I remembered the
underlying truth to all of this: if you want to be
that interesting guy who is "always on stage" trying
to fulfill his childhood dreams for this long?
Instability and loneliness will be part of the bargain
more often than not. It was and is my choice. I've
been lonely with a wife laying next to me more times
than I care to admit so at some point you just have to
realize that part of you is and always will be a loner
and embrace it...
...and no sooner
do I embrace it - notes trickle in from people
that remind me that virtually speaking, I will
never be alone. Distance can't break energy. Love can
cross galaxies 'cause it's a mutual feeling.
I thanked everyone individually and I'm certain
I've never been more sincere than in response to the
words I received. Support is so crucial to
happiness. You know? I mean I do all I can
to prove that wrong (my ratio of production to support
for said production can attest) but I never said
I was happy. I can't begin to tell you how
difficult it was to do the "Young
& The Restless" bit on
CBS and not
get one word of support from CBS when it aired.
I mean, I'm a fuckton proud of it no matter what
anyone says (how on earth I did that in 48 hours from
writing to completion still baffles me), but
I was devastated that no one even batted
an eye at it. Support is simply crucial to
happiness.
So although my
twisted sense of humor jump-started me out of my funk,
so many kind words, phone calls and visits really,
really, really helped. I'm human... oh jesus...
I almost said the line without realizing it was a
song lyric. Ha. "I am human and I need to be
loved... just like anybody else does." Seriously,
I was gonna type that whole thing. The Smiths
took it from me.
And of course,
this precious card. It's so funny, I somehow
missed it laying there all day (kept going out the
back door) and when I walked in, I looked
down... then ran past it and grabbed my camera. HA.
I had no idea what to expect, but knew it would
probably be worth recording. It was.
If your computer
can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's
loaded) click the "HD" button...
incredible.
I think what
touches me more than anything is that there really is
a reward for decency. When you treat people with love
and respect and you go through the struggle of finding
ways to keep connections, even when things don't work
out as originally planned, everyone wins. Everyone.
The woman who sent me that card (not that there's any
CLUES or anything in the video - LOL) will always be
special to me, always hold a place in my heart, and we
both know we aren't ending up together. Had it been
any other man but me, I can assure you continuing to
be connected would be the last thing she would do. As
is almost anyone whose had to stop a romance. But I
just don't operate like that. I don't believe
connections expire simply because we categorized them
wrong in the beginning when we didn't know any better.
If both people are honest and loving? The connection
simply gets seen under a different light. It's why
I still love Burg, Jess & Donna and continue
to work to maintain those relationships. They are part
of my journey. I wouldn't be who I am today if not for
them. They will always be special just as I feel
anyone who returns love and respect to me is
special.
That card was
possible because we both chose to find a common path
where we could help each other and we continue to do
so. It was also an incredible piece of "Journey
Timing" for sure. I certainly don't mean to lessen
anyone else's support by highlighting one so
emphatically but sometimes the video and entry just
come together and you can't deny the
kismet.
That's a band
name. No, not just "The Kismet", but "Deny The
Kismet".
Anyway, the entry
I was going to post today will be up
sometime tomorrow afternoon. And again, thank
you.
