6:26 PM, Monday, March 9th, 2009:
The fact that I can even write an entry like this is a testament to having done something right with this video blog. I really can't imagine there are too many blogs/vlogs that anyone could go from start to finish like one complete story. I was extremely fortunate to have had a clear direction in why I put an entry up (chronicle what changes my character) and that has never changed since Day 1. Because of that, you really can go through the entire Journey wondering:  "What happens next?". I've always felt that if you can get to the birth of The Trinitrons (February 2001), you're hooked. Several people have done the whole thing and continue to follow it - but none since the CBS explosion have tried to start from Day 1...until now.
And she's not a stalker. LMAO. She needs this to be made very clear. She's simply an avid reader. What's great is that she has absolutely no knowledge of me prior to this. Isn't really a friend of a friend that we're aware of - so for me? This is a gold mine. Rarely do you ever get such a random sampling of what someone thinks - so I told her, once she was finished, I had a bunch of questions to ask. The result is not only to me, but I think many longtime readers (and especially new ones come to think of it), is pretty fascinating. And if any of you are thinking of doing this, don't read this interview. Spoilers GALORE:
Adam4tvs: How long did it take you from start to finish?
Jen: about 3 months
Adam4tvs: What made you want to start?
Jen: it seemed interesting..
Adam4tvs: Did you read something current and then go back? If so how many entries before you decided you didn't want to know anymore?
Jen: you had sent me the link to the intro and i read that..
Jen: then you kept posting on facebook
Adam4tvs: oh the reintroduction video?
Jen: yes
Jen: and i started wondering who you were and what you did
Jen: i think you asked me to be your friend on f/b in october and i started to really read it in november
Adam4tvs: Jumping ahead a moment - after going through so many highs in 2006/2007 are you a bit letdown at where we are in March 2009?
Jen: no...thats what life is about. you have your highs and lows then just the middles
Jen: it will change at some point
Adam4tvs: What were the saddest moments for you...
Jen: the whole depression timein 2002...thats just sad
Jen: then the way you were treated by donna. no one should be treated that way
Adam4tvs: did you ever cry?
Jen: when shizzle passed away. cried my eyes out
Jen: ok if i refer to you as him its only because i think of it as two differant people
Jen: but there were times that i just wanted to hug him
Adam4tvs: Favorite entry...
Jen: gotta think...
Jen: price is right was awesome
Jen: you doing the comedy store
Jen: ...
Jen: see this is hard for me, i dont see it as seperate entries...it's one long story
Jen: the sopranos
Adam4tvs: What was your least favorite part?
Jen: locked entries
Jen: grrr
Adam4tvs: LOL
Jen: just when things are getting good...LOCKED
Adam4tvs: Favorite song?
Jen: saying when
Adam4tvs: What surprised you the most?
Jen: that you havent "made it"...
Jen: you can sing and act and do all the behind the scenes techy stuff
Adam4tvs: More specifically, what turn in The Journey did you not see coming?
Jen: the whole after effect of the comedy store
Jen: getting screwed on the backside of that whole mess
Adam4tvs: Would you have let Donna get deported...
Jen: hmmm...
Jen: thats a hard one
Adam4tvs: tell me about it...
Jen: i dont think i would have married someone just to get to know them better
Jen: that sounds harsh
Jen: sorry
Adam4tvs: Don't be!
Jen: but i was with someone for 13 years and thought i knew him
Jen: so whatcha gonna do
Jen: you went with your heart
Adam4tvs: feel free to throw questions to me too...
Jen: i got one, you like your body dont you?
Adam4tvs: cause i'm always naked?!!?!?
Jen: either you are shirtless or naked
Adam4tvs: Interesting, at times I do...
Adam4tvs: but mostly, no - not at all...
Adam4tvs: it's a form of accountability for me
Adam4tvs: this is a GREAT topic actually
Jen: ok
Adam4tvs: for example, the one you have to be thinking of is "Breaking 160"
Jen: well yeah
Jen: and the jesus video
Jen: which omg is a riot!!
Adam4tvs: to me, showing that sets a bar
Adam4tvs: when you're showing yourself so much, you have to be aware of that
Adam4tvs: for example i was 30 - 35 pounds overweight during the egos
Adam4tvs: it is hard for me to watch those episodes now
Adam4tvs: so when i lost the weight again in 2008 - i was like - PUT THAT SHIT ON THE SITE.
Adam4tvs: remember, it's a personal journal too... so for most people it's almost like putting a pic on your refrigerator to remind you of where you need to be.
Adam4tvs: now the 2 videos in question? the funny thing to do was to be naked... so i did it
Adam4tvs: it was the biggest laugh - so i went with it
Jen: and they both were very funny
Adam4tvs: ok so along those lines... what have you gathered from The Journey about me?
Adam4tvs: meaning, the patterns (good or bad)....
Jen: that you love to be in love...
Jen: that even when you get the rug pulled out from under you, you get back up and try even harder
Jen: and you are pretty damn lucky
Adam4tvs: You actually think I'm lucky?
Jen: yes
Jen: you just found a new sofa
Jen: when you need a job, one pops up
Jen: it may not be the job you want but it leads you to what you need
Adam4tvs: Will the next big break come from The Egos or The Journey as the 1st video blog...
Jen: well the journey...i think that would be closer to the end of the year
Jen: and the egos...hmmm
Jen: i liked the late show idea
Jen: too bad about that
Adam4tvs: will i be in a relationship in one year...
Jen: yes you prob will be
Adam4tvs: Favorite Kenny Birthday song...
Jen: the backward one was neat, but a lil freaky
Jen: the one on the set of the price is right made me laugh
Jen: ok i got one...
Adam4tvs: k
Jen: how did/does it make you feel to have someone that you met through facebook,
Jen: read it all
Adam4tvs: why is facebook different?
Adam4tvs: oh you mean a complete stranger?
Jen: yes a stranger
Adam4tvs: HONORED
Adam4tvs: seriously - it makes me think I did the right thing to continue, you know?
Adam4tvs: it's a discipline that I haven't the slightest idea how i've kept up...
Adam4tvs: so the fact that someone who knew nothing about me, found it interesting enough to keep going... makes me very excited.
Adam4tvs: which is why i'm asking all these questions - i need a couple thousand more of you... and am trying to see what angle is most "hooking" people
Adam4tvs: although i think it's just a matter of how successful i am in my career whether people will bother
Jen: well the youtube thing helped
Jen: alot
Adam4tvs: oooh, i wanted to ask someone tihs
Jen: ok
Adam4tvs: always been my theory that the good times, aren't as interesting. Say - the second season of The Egos when it was a lot of episode entries and so forth... that the bad, depressing times are far more engrossing. Did you find that to be true?
Jen: yes only because i wanted to see how it would turn out
Jen: i wanted you to get a "win"
Adam4tvs: Did America's Got Talent surprise you?
Jen: yes
Jen: and i watched that last season
Adam4tvs: was that not the cruelest shit ever?
Jen: uhh yeah
Adam4tvs: and then losing living room live, my grandmother dying
Adam4tvs: holy fuck what a month or two
Jen: you would have been perfect for that too
Adam4tvs: lol
Jen: but had you done that...then you wouldnt have done cbs
Adam4tvs: yeah - no it works out... The Egos turned into so much more with the freedom I had on CBS
Jen: and even though that turned to shit...you still got some great connections
Adam4tvs: and a great reel - fo sho
Adam4tvs: When the 2nd season started and the Egos were outside of the TVs.... were you surprised I was gonna do it like that the whole season?
Jen: yeah
Jen: that was amazing...all the work that you did
Jen: wow
Adam4tvs: Did anything take you out of the illusion of it being 5 different people, or did you always buy into it?
Jen: i see them (notice "them") as 5 different people
Adam4tvs: oh believe me, I do it too... lol
Jen: they each have their own personalities
Jen: its like i know them now too.
Jen: and the lil 'where are they now' thing at the end of 3...right on
Adam4tvs: i know you just finished it today, but does it make you think about anything in your own life differently?
Jen: yeah
Jen: im a lazy lump
Jen: like youve done all this amazing stuff and what do i have to show for myself
Adam4tvs: well, fuck. that wasn't my intention. LOL.
Adam4tvs: Did any april fools day get you?
Jen: the first and the last one
Adam4tvs: oh you thought she was pregnant!
Jen: yeah
Adam4tvs: yeah - the dad video nailed it.
Jen: i didnt look at the date
Adam4tvs: What other person in the journey do you most like, have the most positive feelings about?
Jen: jess seems like a really nice girl
Jen: your friend paddy sounds funny
Jen: this isnt a person, but, the music cafe where you have performed sounds cool
Adam4tvs: oh yeah kulak's? Totally is.
Adam4tvs: Did you ever think I crossed the line with what I wrote about?
Jen: no i dont think you crossed the line
Jen: you wrote what you felt
Jen: and it is your journey
Adam4tvs: did you pay attention to the notes at the top that said when the entries were unlocked?
Jen: yes
Adam4tvs: ok - whew. 'cause man, those are really importnat - they tell a story in themselves
Adam4tvs: it had to be good to be able to read shit that wasn't unlocked for like 3 years and know no one else got to read em
Jen: yup
Adam4tvs: do you consider yourself a reader?
Jen: yes
Adam4tvs: what do you usually read?
Jen: twilight
Jen: harry potter
Jen: all of anne rice
Adam4tvs: Funniest video?
Jen: i can tell you which one kinda freak me out...
Jen: the sped up on acid looking ones
Adam4tvs: yeah
Adam4tvs: What/who made you laugh in The Egos?
Jen: i love dewey, but i know a few people like that
Jen: i work with spencers all day
Jen: gary is the funniest wigger out there
Jen: lol
Adam4tvs: did you notice though in The Trinitrons... he actually has it in him
Jen: yeah
Adam4tvs: its not completely wigger
Adam4tvs: thats why i like him - if he didnt try so goddamn hard he'd be alright...
Adam4tvs: but he always does...and is inadvertantly funny because of it
Jen: the indiana jones video...thought you were gonna fall off the roof
Adam4tvs: hahaha
Jen: the wikiwars when he threw the water in your face... laughed my ass off
Adam4tvs: best shit ever.
Adam4tvs: you happy or indifferent when it's a randoms entry
Jen: love them
Jen: its like a look into adams life and not the journeys life
Adam4tvs: right...
Jen: whats the process of the songs? do you just sit at the piano and write then out or do you write the lyrics then find the melody? what?
Adam4tvs: several ways...usually chords on the piano
Adam4tvs: and i do this thing where... i sing words
Adam4tvs: nonsense words sometimes
Adam4tvs: and certain melodies/chords just sound like they need THIS word or line with it
Adam4tvs: and you sort of feel your way through it
Adam4tvs: other times events in my life are so intense i just have to find a way to communicate that. so i sit down with something in mind
Adam4tvs: and let my fingers find the feeling...
Adam4tvs: i also sing... constantly
Adam4tvs: i mean, constantly
Adam4tvs: to the annoyance of those around me for sure
Adam4tvs: so there's always melodies, always music and when a good one hits
Jen: gotcha
Adam4tvs: and i try to capture in the videos - the moment it's done
Adam4tvs: i do end up having to do a few takes depending on how complicated it is...but, i love the moment more than anything
Adam4tvs: because if you go back over the journey - i look different, move different, sound different at all the times in my life and that gets lost - when you stop everything and produce it
Adam4tvs: i want to feel the moment. so when i hit those old songs? I'm there.
Adam4tvs: so do you intend to keep reading now that you started? Or are you burned out?
Jen: no i will keep reading. ive started reading "palaur"
Adam4tvs: ooooh. whew. that was actually the foundation for the journey. 'cause the story needs all the parts to work, any one by itself doesn't....
Jen: and the cd101 and wtvn entries also
Adam4tvs: oh well now you're just insane. LOL.
Jen: i could have told you that
Adam4tvs: alright - well thank you for answering all my questions... that was fun.
Jen: no thank you for letting me read it
Adam4tvs: good answer. :)
Suuuuuuuuuuch an interesting read to me. 2 parts really stuck out for me. When she said I was "lucky" and when she said I hadn't "made it". Now she meant both in completely supportive ways, but both are difficult things to hear right now. I mean I wrote an entire entry when all the stuff blew up in April 2006 about "luck". Because I've always said - yes, you actually need luck. It isn't 100% hard work and determination and talent. I did nothing different in April 2006 than I did the rest of The Journey, my numbers just came up that month.
My problem with saying I'm "lucky" however, is that in 10 years you could say it... maybe 3 times. LOL. The other 860 entries are filled with banging my head against the wall and creating a goddamn UNIVERSE of content to deaf ears and blind eyes. So "lucky" is not the term I'd use. But again, if she's talking about my "sofa"... well sure. I believe we all have those moments. However, how many people would've put that shit on the top of their car, by themselves, and gotten the whole set in like 13 minutes? I'd venture to say that opportunity passed several people by before I got 'em. So, luck or hard work? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
And the whole "made it" thing. It's the one thing CBS taught me more than anything:  you have to "make it" several times. 'Cause there's always a higher step. My face (in several incarnations) on national television every week in front of 3 million people for a year? One "made it" step...but there is no final summit. Even had "Up & Adam" gone through? Chances of cancellation were about 95%. But tell me if I wouldn't have felt "I made it" sitting at that desk doing my first show? Cancelled a month later? I would have to start ALLLLLLLLLL OVER. Kinda like I am now. So "made it" is a different term to everyone. Like, I was talking to other band members Saturday night and they just kept saying about the first video blogger ever thing:  "You have that... forever." And while true, ny definition? Means I don't have to work a 9-5. That's why CBS was a great year... I could focus all my energy on something incredibly creative. That year, I had "made it" and the only question left was how high I could go. Since then, I'm not making it. So I gotta keep pushing.
Like, I think "Marcy Playground" made it. Who gives a shit if it was 1 song. #1 for 15 straight weeks - and still touring off the success of that single. People can shit and piss on them for not having several... but WHAT EVER. Your job is... what again? Right. Speaking of them...
If your computer can handle it (meaning it doesn't stutter once it's loaded) click the "HD" button... incredible.
I like bein' sneaky. :-) How good did this footage/sound come out for hiding a camera in my coat? HD version... just unbelieveable. Hope you have the computer that can stream that badboy.
Hope you enjoyed the interview...
PS - Ooooh shit, my first random FB photo tag that I wasn't prepared for:
...that IS kinda creepy. LOL. I always disregarded everyone talking about privacy issues with Facebook because, who am I kidding - my entire life is online. But it's a different feeling when you aren't the one uploading it. At least you can't see that the guy next to me is cupping my balls.