(If your computer can handle
it please check out the YouTube
linkand 'Watch in HD'. It's
10:00 PM, Sunday,
March 1st, 2009:
I continually feel
the need to remind people that I am not as romantic as
The Journey paints me. Ironic considering I write
the thing. Simply, it's my job to write what's
happening, and as a writer I can't ignore the
symbolism or refrain from accentuating the romance of
it all. I live logic, report romantically. That being
said, this is awesome...
the summer of 2002 while trying to dig
myself out of an intense depression I made
a short film called "Stability, Potential,
Success". It was a way of trying to plot
out how my career would come together.
I was as lost as I had ever been and
making this video really, really healed
me. I decided that I would make a 4tvs
show about The Journey that fall in an
attempt to make a positive out of such a
difficult time in my life. It was
repeatedly put-off to the point that now
it would be nearly impossible - but the
video became kind of the symbol for
the site and the mountain has been
lovingly referred to as "Journey Mountain"
Last year when I
went to Journey Mountain I noticed the ledge where I
stood had crumbled. I was bummed 'cause I wanted to
try and re-enact it, but it was just impossible now.
However it didn't really occur to me until today as I
was putting the new video together just what it all
meant. The ledge for "Stability" had vanished. All I
had left was "Potential & Success". Whew.
Difficult to ignore that symbolism huh?
the truth. The "stability" train is gone. I'm a pretty
firm believer in momentum and that by your mid-30s you
have the life you will always have. Of course there
are examples that contradict it but momentum is very,
very difficult to reverse. If I went back to Ohio
with Jess in 2004 and had a family? The chances of us
moving back to LA? Slim to none. Hell even moving at
24 with a pretty good career in radio was nearly
impossible had it not been for being fired. It took an
act like 4tvs, plus that firing to make me try and
even then, 7 months in, we were very close to
coming back. 34? Hell no.
It's why the
biggest entry to me will always be #500. 30-year-fixed
on the house. I'm here for good. And my life will
always have an inordinate amount of instability. I
will never have that job I'm at for 5, 10 years. I
will never have a retirement (my current house as a
future rental is all I've got) and I will almost
always be scheming to do more which will require jumps
of faith that erase all hopes of stability. Granted,
the fact that this house is my retirement -
certainly curtails how big those leaps can be, but my
life is never going to be like the lives of other men
my age that are married with children right now. I do
believe I will have kids someday, but it will always
be supported by what most people consider completely
unstable. So I took my "kid" to Journey
Mountain to show her...
has recently begun climbing and jumping so
damn well I thought... "Alright
bitch, let's see you climb a
she did. Totally badass. Only one part
(other than the video, which she could've
done without my help) that I had to
help her. Otherwise she OWNED that
thing. And how adorable is this video. :-)
She is certainly growing on
mountain/trail will be a place I visit when I'm
80. I fully intend to be able to get to the top of it
every single year of my life. I mean, what a
assssssssholes spray painting a goddamn rock. What? I
swear, I'm goin' up with a hammer & chisel
one of these days and going to town. I cannot believe
some dipshit did that to that perfect shot. What a
!!!! BEST, NEW,
CURSE WORD, OF '09. Spread it! "Hey
FUCK NOISE!" Love it.
So as you can see,
CeBe not feelin' the little ledge too much. Heh.
Finally had to carry her...
...to get her to
the "Potential" ledge. It was a very fun outing. And
this almost looks like a greeting card, so I'll make
it so and end the entry. :-) I have a rehearsal for
the "Key Club" gig with Adam Darling on Tuesday,
so expect an entry on Wednesday...
PS - oooh, and
I got a cool shot of a lizard:
Word. CeBe was too
slow to catch one though. Hell, and too blind to see
one - look at that thing. Badass.