(If your computer can handle
it please click this YouTube
linkand 'Watch in HD'. It's
Incredible.)
5:15 PM, Friday,
January 30th, 2009:
I'm really, really
starting to go nuts here.
Call
it adventure hangover, inauguritis -
whatever... but I'm starting to lose my
freaking mind at work. I do not belong. I
am not doing what I'm supposed to be
doing, and I haven't been for a long time.
That was fine when I had never gotten the
opportunity, but after CBS? After living
it everyday for that long? Going backwards
feels like peeling the skin off my
taint.
There.
That made me laugh. That didn't even take
time to think of man... I just knew.
Taint. It's exactly what this feels like.
I am LOSING it.
I'm in the process
of uploading old Journey videos to YouTube so people
can actually go through the entire thing with as
little effort as possible. Someone is actually doing
that right now, and she's halfway through 2004 having
downloaded all of the HD files without streaming. God
bless her... but it's too much to ask. Unfortunately
since I started putting them on YouTube in
mid-2007 - uploading 7 1/2 years is ALSO too much to
ask, but I'm known for doing that shit. Anyway, the
reason I bring this all up is that guess what happens
when you go backwards starting in mid-2007? (sigh)
Yeah. You go through ALL of it. From Up &
Adam to Price is Right to getting CBS to America's Got
Talent to MSNBC and Let's Bomb Iran. Fuuuuuuuck. All
those precious moments of the big breaks... all the
incredible work. It's overwhelming. And
then...
BAM. You're
sitting in an office. Staring at a screen. Helping
market... other people at a marketing/branding
company. And you're barely doing that. You're not
involved in anything creative - you're organizing and
copying and pasting. You're doing it 40 hours a week
(they decided to go back to that after one week at 30)
and you're still $600 short every month. Simply put,
you are spinning in circles and you're now praying to
The Journey Gods.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS?".
And it's not like
I'm not making use of every, last, second to keep
networking and getting my name out. And
STILL taking shit from "friends" because I add
too many people that I don't know? Oh my fucking
christ don't get me started. Call me LA. Call me LA
again. Fuck.
But you know, I
met with a manager tonight who was so positive (about
another company, but still) that you can't help
but believe. You know? You just feel it. You just
watch the guy's reaction to what I've done, to the
demo I have - and you know it's special. He knows it's
special. He called Laura before I even got back to the
house. It's RIGHT FUCKING THERE... but I
still go back to that goddamn cubicle and I'm tellin'
you people - I'm gonna crack. I'm gonna crack.
And to all the
people that work in cubicle's each day - please
understand my position. Please understand being at the
level of CBS and not just doing well, but leading the
fucking way. Wearing 8 different hats and doing shit
no one has ever done before. And your boss gets fired,
and YOU have to go back to the 9-5? Only showbiz man.
It's just... fucked. No other word. And I'm now to the
point where I am really about to lose my shit if
something positive doesn't happen. You know?
Like no more: "I can't help... but this guy may be
able to..." No more maybes. I'm sick of the town of
Maybeville. Something positive. Even SMALL, but
something that will allow me to think my career is
moving somewhere...
...because now?
It's an escalator. My whole "fall up the
stairs" line? Well I'm doing that. I am going and
going and going and promoting and creating and sharing
and EVERYTHING... but the stairs are fucking MOVING
BACKWARDS. Granted, I'd be worse off if I too wasn't
moving, but ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.
PLEASE SOMETHING. PLEASE. I'm ready to jump. Just
show me any, fucking, direction.
