(If your computer can handle
it please click this YouTube
linkand 'Watch in HD'. It's
Incredible.)
4:44 PM, Sunday,
January 11th, 2009:
I've decided that
I'm madly in love with life. Can we all agree on this?
I love that I can wake up in the morning to an
email that will completely surprise and thrill me to
the point of tears. In one act of kindness, months of
anger soothe, years of patience are rewarded and yet
another positive outcome. Did not see this
coming.
Thursday
morning I received an email from
Donna that was the most self-aware,
conscious apology she's ever given me.
Incredibly after running to someone
exactly like her, she started seeing what
I saw the last 2 years and she...
went back to therapy. 3 months later it's
starting to hit her what I went through,
the things I said to her, and she's
apologizing. It's literally like she acted
out every single line of "Independent
Actions". We met for coffee yesterday and
I felt like someone was reading the script
from the movie "Independent
Actions". A reprise was clearly in order.
:-)
Quick aside:
journeyriffically the time we met, 11am, also happened
to be when HGTV was re-airing our Over Your Head
Show for the first time since it's premiere in June.
Shaking my head as I type this. How can shit
happen like that? :-)
Now now,
I hear all your sighs (I have special first
video-blogger ever software that allows me to audibly
hear reactions before I even upload the words. It's
pretty badass.) We are not getting back
together. To say she's a human being incapable of
having a relationship right now is... it's just so
goddamn obvious even a romantic can't see around it.
Woman is FIGHTING. She is literally in what she called
the "crisis" phase of accepting everything and is
knee deep in books, therapy and 100% focused on it. It
made me cry actually. Seriously, to see her finally
get it? To focus all that manic energy on the
appropriate problem? Whew. The issues don't have a
chance man. She will sand and re-plaster the fuck out
of them until her knuckles bleed. :-)
It was also
abundantly clear how far removed I am from those
issues now. I might as well have been
sleeping next to her energy during coffee. All
I could say was "I'm so goddamn happy for you
honey." And on she continued about all the things she
had discovered. I beemed. I had waited so long to hear
her say some of these things that it rarely thought
about the timing of it all. Bottom line is, not only
could she not have gotten this while she was with me
-- absolutely any man unlucky enough to be in her path
during this process, which could literally be years,
doesn't stand a chance. The truth is she had all of
this information last year (she actually repeated 3
seperate lines her therapist said as revelations that
I said to her ad nauseum when we were together)
and it didn't register for a second. One of the books
we got her back in March, she has since read again and
she said it was like she never read one word of it
before. So she clearly had to go through all of that
before it was time.
As I was
saying though... I have absolutely no role
anymore. As a husband I supported her and helped
as much as I could and am so proud that I stood
so strong throughout because everything came out
during our time together and it never could have had
I not held the mirror up to her face during the
bad times. Now? There's absolutely nothing
I could do except confuse the situation more.
She's completely on the right track and we will be
another bittersweet asterik in The Journey. Another
year as I mention in the song. And that aspect of
it comes full circle. Chronicling a decade of
bittersweet memories... that are honestly all positive
- except I'm alone. If Donna continues her present
path, and really does recreate her life from 30 on...
there isn't even one regret for getting married. It
could never have happened had she been forced to go
back to South Africa. So there's simply nothing
negative about the whole thing as she is clearly
better off than she would have been.
But oh yeah
<hand wave> there's me. LOL. Which I guess
is why she wrote a long apology letter. She's
barreling ahead and realizing just how much she "took
out" along her way. And I sit there teary eyed
and smiling because I'm so proud of her. Sweet Shizzle
I'm a strange bird. I guess I'm just so concerned that
those I touch are alright because me? I'm fine.
I've got The Journey. You ain't gonna phase me as long
as I can sing about it. LOL. Nothin's gonna beat
me. I'm gonna keep jumpin'. I'm gonna keep believing
in the next person and one of these days - they'll
fight for me too.
