(If your computer can handle it please click this YouTube link and 'Watch in HD'. It's Incredible.)
4:44 PM, Sunday, January 11th, 2009:
I've decided that I'm madly in love with life. Can we all agree on this? I love that I can wake up in the morning to an email that will completely surprise and thrill me to the point of tears. In one act of kindness, months of anger soothe, years of patience are rewarded and yet another positive outcome. Did not see this coming.
Thursday morning I received an email from Donna that was the most self-aware, conscious apology she's ever given me. Incredibly after running to someone exactly like her, she started seeing what I saw the last 2 years and she... went back to therapy. 3 months later it's starting to hit her what I went through, the things I said to her, and she's apologizing. It's literally like she acted out every single line of "Independent Actions". We met for coffee yesterday and I felt like someone was reading the script from the movie "Independent Actions". A reprise was clearly in order. :-)
Quick aside: journeyriffically the time we met, 11am, also happened to be when HGTV was re-airing our Over Your Head Show for the first time since it's premiere in June. Shaking my head as I type this. How can shit happen like that? :-)
Now now, I hear all your sighs (I have special first video-blogger ever software that allows me to audibly hear reactions before I even upload the words. It's pretty badass.) We are not getting back together. To say she's a human being incapable of having a relationship right now is... it's just so goddamn obvious even a romantic can't see around it. Woman is FIGHTING. She is literally in what she called the "crisis" phase of accepting everything and is knee deep in books, therapy and 100% focused on it. It made me cry actually. Seriously, to see her finally get it? To focus all that manic energy on the appropriate problem? Whew. The issues don't have a chance man. She will sand and re-plaster the fuck out of them until her knuckles bleed. :-)
It was also abundantly clear how far removed I am from those issues now. I might as well have been sleeping next to her energy during coffee. All I could say was "I'm so goddamn happy for you honey." And on she continued about all the things she had discovered. I beemed. I had waited so long to hear her say some of these things that it rarely thought about the timing of it all. Bottom line is, not only could she not have gotten this while she was with me -- absolutely any man unlucky enough to be in her path during this process, which could literally be years, doesn't stand a chance. The truth is she had all of this information last year (she actually repeated 3 seperate lines her therapist said as revelations that I said to her ad nauseum when we were together) and it didn't register for a second. One of the books we got her back in March, she has since read again and she said it was like she never read one word of it before. So she clearly had to go through all of that before it was time.
As I was saying though... I have absolutely no role anymore. As a husband I supported her and helped as much as I could and am so proud that I stood so strong throughout because everything came out during our time together and it never could have had I not held the mirror up to her face during the bad times. Now? There's absolutely nothing I could do except confuse the situation more. She's completely on the right track and we will be another bittersweet asterik in The Journey. Another year as I mention in the song. And that aspect of it comes full circle. Chronicling a decade of bittersweet memories... that are honestly all positive - except I'm alone. If Donna continues her present path, and really does recreate her life from 30 on... there isn't even one regret for getting married. It could never have happened had she been forced to go back to South Africa. So there's simply nothing negative about the whole thing as she is clearly better off than she would have been.
But oh yeah <hand wave> there's me. LOL. Which I guess is why she wrote a long apology letter. She's barreling ahead and realizing just how much she "took out" along her way. And I sit there teary eyed and smiling because I'm so proud of her. Sweet Shizzle I'm a strange bird. I guess I'm just so concerned that those I touch are alright because me? I'm fine. I've got The Journey. You ain't gonna phase me as long as I can sing about it. LOL. Nothin's gonna beat me. I'm gonna keep jumpin'. I'm gonna keep believing in the next person and one of these days - they'll fight for me too.
Sound convincing?