(If your computer can handle
it please click this YouTube
linkand 'Watch in HD'. It's
Thursday, January 1st, 2009:
Anyone have that
Grover book when they were a kid? Probably gotta be in
your 30s to remember this but he desperately didn't
want you to turn the page and when begging didn't work
he would build walls and try to tape the pages down
and you would destroy all of his work with every turn.
It was pretty much the coolest book ever. Anyway,
that's how I feel at this very moment. I just
destroyed 2008 by starting this entry. It
may know, on one night in December I
videotape myself getting drunk and talk
about the year. As expected I pretty
much wept for half of it. Ugh. So to avoid
yet another ridiculously difficult video
to watch, I decided to show the morning
after... which was not good. After 4 years
of doing the video without getting sick (I
am soooo not a drinker) I lost track
during the video and drank way too much,
got sick and was stupid hungover in the
morning. The pups clearly didn't care
however. Gotta love 'em.
As I say in the
video, I simply will not be in the same place I am at
this moment a year from now. That isn't just positive
thinking, it's just simple analyzation of all the
spokes in my wheel. So many angles, so many options
and a determination that is based on the knowledge
that my talent/content is second to none. Let's go,
let's go, let's go - is it the freaking 5th yet? Has
the industry started back up again?
ARE THE FREAKING holidays over?
Damn, now I wanna
get out of THIS entry. Clearly, I'm rather impatient.
Year ten, of course I am. I can say this however - I
need to get as much spotlight on "The Journey" as
possible this year, so I can get some press out of the
10 year anniversary on January 2nd, 2010. With the
right representation, that should be easily
achieveable. I really believe taking advantage of that
moniker could lead to so many opportunities. It's
almost limitless. There are far too many good forces
coming together. Giddy-up.
Of course this
year will also be a long process with paperwork, INS
interviews and it will certainly take the better part
of this entire year. Ugh. It was always the brown
lining of the cloud that it would have to drag on
forever... but I'm glad I didn't succomb to my anger
and just divorce her in May. I wish you could see
my face. LOL. I typed that sentence and gritted my
teeth like I was being forced to take castor oil. Ha.
As my mother would say: "you're a very nice boy." But
I can't even begin to tell you how badly I don't
want to be. A few more months Adam.
Ahhhh what a
colorful Journey man. I just can't be down on myself
at all with the life I've lived. As I said in a song
last year, I will look back on my life like a colorful
book and have no choice but to smile at how big my
heart was and will continue to be. It's certainly more
fun to read than a guy who takes no risks. Man, how on
earth do I continue to believe? How after everything
with Donna do I still know in my heart that I will
have the family I've always wanted and barely stress
about it? It's a product of allowing myself to feel
everything without fear of what it looked like. I
didn't hide how sad or angry I was and in some
respects still am. I make no bones about the fact that
there is still resentment with Donna and I'm
absolutely not ready for a relationship. That's the
key for me and I think many of you reading. Don't
avoid the negatives. Don't "silver lining" yourself
away from accepting that things suck ass sometimes.
'Cause from time to time they do and allowing it in is
how you really get over it and jump again.
2009 2009 2009
2009. Let's finish this run of ten years like never