I'm not sure whether to curse the
word or to find comfort in it. I'm gonna be leaving in
a few hours to go back to Columbus, because my
grandmother is very ill. At a time when things finally
look up, life throws yet another curve ball.
In many ways I love that. It's the
only thing that has kept me going. As long as the
"good" isn't "too good", I appreciate life more.
I work more. I continue to struggle more. To know
that at any moment your entire world can be turned
upside down keeps you from getting "too comfortable".
And that's what this journey is all about
really...isn't it? All I've done differently than
millions of others is sacrifice my comfort to pull off
a huge goal. And the second I feel comfort, my
life has a way of balancing. It's as if someone knows
that I'm at my best when I'm struggling. I need
to feel a little uneasy. A little sad.
A little depressed. It makes me work
All I can think right now though,
is how much my grandmother means to me. When my
parents divorced I was only 7. Even when they were
together, I saw more of Nana than of my father. His
schedule was messed up 'cause he was in a band. Then
when they were seperated, my Uncle and I (he's 3 years
older) were raised by Nana and my mom. It was a nice
sytem. Tim and I felt like brothers, and the 4 of us
were very close. I don't feel particularly sorry for
myself in the situation...many people lose their
grandparents at a much earlier age. Of course my uncle
is dealing with this at 28. I just wish she could
be without pain. She's had cancer for the past 8-9
years, and never told "the boys". We got that surprise
when I went back for the wedding. Tim apparently knew
something was up, whereas I was just completely
oblivious. Her love knows no bounds. And I feel so
helpless because of it. On top of that she's only 68.
I want her to hold my children. (sigh)
Man, I do NOT mean to bring
everyone down, but I need to write. It's character
development as well. To see the road to success
involves seeing what shapes the man that gets there.
On a lighter note, but an
unfortunate case of bad timing 'cause Jess needs to
stay home with him, J-Dog now has a brother. He's
none-to-thrilled about it. He's been crying like a
madman. And even when we let him out he just cries at
other people's windows (something that is making us
VERY popular around her).
So we figured a
plaything might give him some comfort.
"Bob", a ten
week old kitten who just wants to play
with J...and J-Dog just wants to eat him.
J was like this with "Sabrina", his first
sibling Burgundie and I got him, but
eventually warmed up to her. It may be a
bit different now though. He's much older,
and is now hissing and hitting US because
we smell like Bob. Time will tell. J-Dog
has been writing a journal on his
feelings, so you'll get his side of it in
a few weeks when I release www.j-dog.net -
some funny stuff.
Guess there isn't much more to
say. I need get cleaned up and get ready. I'm so
incredibly bummed Jessica can't come back with me.
Unfortunately since we park on the street, and there's
weekly street cleaning, we're kind of screwed unless
we plan way in advance to park somehwere. On top of
that, J-Dog is losing his mind as I type, because he
can smell Bob. He wants our comfort, then smells our
hands and bites us. He's really freakin' out here. And
we have no friends. Damnit, I mean NO FRIENDS. No
one to just help us out for a few days while we take
care of things at home. It SUCKS. I'm hoping Jess can
figure something out and fly out a bit later.
Well, send me some positive
thoughts throughout this week...your supportive words
have always meant the world to me.