Entry #68
3:39 AM, Tuesday, August 22nd, 2000:
An on/off switch. I guess I just want to be an android. Program my ass at bedtime. "8 hours of rest starting in T-Minus 30 seconds and counting..." That would ROCK.
As you probably guessed I can't sleep for shit. My mind is absolutely racing. It's like the second I know that I'm conscious I go through all my challenges in my head. It's great for productivity, but horrible for sleep. Once I realized I was truly awake, I did the normal lying in bed things: Look at shadows, watch the dog, count the number of blinds in our window. It's amazing how complex we humans are, yet when we're caught in that narrow spectrum of time during the night, we actually just sit there and count blinds. It's like we don't want to do anything too complex or else we'll really be up. Oh and my favorite: Seeing if the 2 clocks are synced. This, more than anything that happened tonight, got me out of bed.
Anyone who has ever slept in a room, or hell BEEN in a room in which you can see 2 digital clocks at the same time has fallen into this trap: "Figure out exactly how many seconds one clock is from the other". Invariably you start watching the clock at ONE SECOND past the minute change so you're stuck watching the same clock for 59 seconds. And invariably you look away and notice it has changed the moment that you turned away. And why do you turn away? 'Cause you feel like you're missing something, or wasting time when you just stare aimlessly at a clock for a minute. Like you've got better things to do. Maybe it's just because to actually concentrate for a whole minute on something that isn't moving is a deplorable act to my generation. I don't know. Either way, when you stare at one clock you are thinking of the other. And periodically you'll spin your head around to see it.
During the first minute of this devo-headspin-dance you haven't the slightest clue which clock to look at, so you have to look at both clocks as often as possible. This can be a looooong minute. Then if your clocks are close and you don't see which one turned first, well you get to do it all over again. If you're lucky you can stare into that nothingness space in the night BETWEEN both clocks, and let your peripheral vision find the victor. Then again, if they're that close why the hell do you have 2 in the first place. You'll spend the good part of 10 minutes enjoying this little race if your clocks are synced close enough. Of course if you're me you'll waste nearly an hour doing it. Yes, an hour. Ya see, I think tonight I accomplished a feat that no one has achieved in all of mankind. I actually synced the two clocks PERFECTLY, within 1/30th of a second, without even looking. I set the clocks at 10:09 when I originally went to bed (pretty early, still recovering from Ohio time). I saw one was 10:09 and just bumped the second up to 10:10 and called it a night. Little did I know I was EXACT. I mean dead-on. So you can only imagine my frustration trying to see which one was ahead. I actually whispered "GODDAMNIT!" about 5 times in our bed trying to do this. I simply couldn't believe I was DEAD on, ya know? That's just not possible, there's always at least a second. And these 2 clocks are on opposite sides of the room, so I could never be sure. I'd get so frustrated that I'd give up and think about all my other problems right now, then inevitably see one clock change and have to whip my head up to see the other clock, only to be foiled again.
Well, at this point I was up. So I stood up in the bedroom and positioned the clocks towards me so I could do the "space in between" method. Which resulted in my head just shaking frantically by the time both clocks turned. At this point I'm laughing, because here is a grown naked man standing in his bedroom with his hands out to his side like he's drawing his pistols...frantically shaking his head every minute and then whispering an obscenity. Thank GOD Jessica didn't wake up. I decide it's time to get the video camera. I truly have taken this little game to a new level. I'm about to bring the two clocks together, videotape them, and put them into my computer to see how close they are. I can only venture to guess, that I am the only man on the planet who has done this.
So I bring the 2 clocks together at the end of the bed, with Jessica sleeping right there mind you, and of course sit about 6 inches from them to see if I can spot the difference yet again. Nothing, I've actually pulled this off. So I run and get my camera and I notice it's 2:58 AM. If I kick ass I can actually tape the 2:59 to 3:00 AM change which for cinematic purposes is just the shit. Of course I now have two clock wires strung across the room, J-Dog is trying valiantly to trip me for attention and I'm trying to set up this camera without waking Jess up...and before the clock strikes. Well I made it with about 8 seconds to spare. When I loaded the footage into my computer I was shocked to see quite the little paridigm. I had to of course zoom into 1/30th of a frame to find the difference, but what I found was when one clock struck 3:00, the other clock struck 8:88. A mixture of 2:59 and 3:00. I had actually caught that split millisecond in between minutes. So now the question is, did I do it? Or am I 1/60th of a second off? I guess I'm not perfect, but I'm better than the human eye, and better than a video camera. But of course I still want to know how far off I am. It's lucky really, because Frame 120 (the 8:88 frame) could have easily been 2:59 or 3:00 and I would've thought I was 1/30th of a second off or exact...now I know I was within 1/60th of a second...which I must say is the shit. No one on the planet has ever blindly set their clocks that good. The funny part is, that they're both too fast so it's kind of like arguing over who's the best basketball player ever: Mugsey Bogues, or Sam Bowie...you're just wrong.
So here's a video of the time change. Although I converted the 30 frames a second video to 10 frames a second for the mpg compression, I was lucky enough to capture that 8:88 frame....it basically looks like a blurry 2:59. Because the movie you'll see is 10 frames per second it will hold that in 8:88 frame for 3 times longer than real time. It's complicated stuff, but the point is, if you were at my house watching the video on the tv, you'd not be able to catch the difference between clocks. To the human eye they are synced. The video I made shows it in real time, and then I freeze the 3 different frames at the end so you can see it more clearly. Here you are: VIDEO.
YouTube link added 02.13.09
Anyway, where the HELL was I? I have to be the king of all tangents...ahh yes king of all media: Howard Stern. One of the many things that have plagued my head tonight. Howard Stern is having a Parody Song contest. Grand prize is $10,000 and a spot on his show...2nd is $5000 and 3rd and 4th will be rewarded. My uncle told me about this when I was in Ohio, and I promptly burned "It's Ok That You're Bi" onto a CD and sent it off on Monday. It's a Late Show Parody of Julian Lennon's "Too Late For Goodbyes". When he told me I was ever so hesitent. Radio is such a big temptation to me. Right now I'm telling Monty to hold the $100, I want what's behind door #3. I want that $100 so bad, but I just have to believe that something better lies in the unknown. The ultimate: "Grass is Greener" scenerio. I feel I have more to offer than radio can support. So I'm completely turning my back on something I love to reach some ultimate goal, and THEN I can have it all. Radio, TV, Movies...you name it. But if I wallow in radio I'll never see the others.
You have to be saying: "ADAM, WHAT THE HELL, IT'S A RADIO CONTEST YOU DUMBASS" I know that, but twists of fate work in mysterious ways. It's like Darva Conger (the millionaire bride) being in Playboy. When she signed that contract to be in that stupid FOX show, she unknowingly signed a contract to appear in Playboy. She surely thought she wouldn't win, she surely thought she wouldn't be in the spotlight, and she surely thought she'd keep her job as a nurse...but again twists of fate happen in mysterious ways, and they all start with an ACTION on your part.
By sending that song off to Stern, I've set in motion a series of events that could be incredibly positive, but that are completely out of my focus right now. Let's suppose I won. The song is better than any parody song I have EVER HEARD on that show. What will that do to my life? What exposure would that give me in the radio world, and even the media world? It all seems incredibly positive, and I obviously think it IS since I sent the thing in...but I'm very wary. I'm playing with the devil here. What if I was offered a morning show at some station anywhere in the country to do my show and my parodies? How could I say no? I wouldn't. Hell no I wouldn't. That isn't out of the realm of possibilities if that song gets played on Stern and they all sit around and talk about it. Rest assured there's some program directors out in radio land listening closely to these songs for somethign to spruce up their own station. Again, remember I sent the cd in so I'm quite willing to take these chances. I'm also overanalyzing to an extreme FAULT right now, but I'm now very conscious of crossroads in life. I watch my actions VERY closely. I have marvelled at what happened this past November at CD101. How the tiniest of actions on my part led to a complete upheavel in my life. Actions that were set in motion by other actions from over a year previous. As always, I'm just stating my feelings, and most likely I won't even get mentioned. But if I were you I'd listen on Friday, September 7th just in case. You just never know.
Also plaguing my mind this evenin...morning, is of course the ever popular - Hollywood Screentest. Had a nice meeting with them yesterday and got some good news. They finally agreed that we should chill on the Movie Mindeds until we sell. Thank GOD. So X-Men will be the last one for a little bit. They are saying there'll still be work on other fronts for me, for other shows they're doing. And they're offering to help pay for an upgrade as my computer is WIGGING out. Oddly enough though, that's not what has me reeling. It's the partner that they're teaming up with in November that's just monumental. I think it's still a secret, but let me assure you that if all goes as planned, Hollywood Screentest will be a household name in less than a year. It's just so big. It's the kind of thing that makes me want to shut up about the money situation and just hold on tight. It's the kind of thing that keeps me up at 2:59 trying to see if my clocks are synced. Good GOD it's 4:59 AM already. I'm just so damn close to the next level. I just want to survive on August 22nd. On September 22nd, I could actually be ordering a pizza, and not be afraid to tip the guy $2!
Remember the eveo.com contest in which I submitted The Bread in the Freezer short? The winner gets announced on August 30th. It was gonna be August 15th, but they got so many submissions they had to bump the deadline back. It's for a ridiculous sum of money, $25,000. 2nd and 3rd get some cash too, but $25,000 - wow. That would surely help life a bit. Hmmm, which contest would I like to win more? Stern Show and $10,000? or $25,000? Ya know what...I really think I'd rather win the Howard Stern show. The exposure (no matter how paranoid I am) would be invaluable. So in the span of one week there'll be 2 announcements that could blow my ass out of poverty. Heh, you know what'll happen: I'll get 4th place in the Stern contest and I'll FREAK OUT like I just won the lottery. I'll win $250 and frame the check or soemthing. Ugh, waiting sucks doesn't it.
My grandmother is sick, and I'm worried about her. That's another sure-fire insomnia inducer. These are the moments that being so far from home just hurts. My mother and grandmother raised my uncle and I when we were kids. My uncle is 3 1/2 years older than me, and we quite literally split our time between households together since we were like brothers. She's been sick for awhile, but only recently told us because she didn't want to burden us. God-love the grandma. The most unconditional love in the world. Her well being has always been about 5th on her list of priorities. I guess that's what breaks your heart when you find out they're in any sort of pain. There's not a whole lot to say really, I just wish I could spend more time with her.
Ya know, I played the "are the clocks synced race" when I was ten. I was awake one night at my grandmother's house (oddly enough) because I had thought of a new code I could share with my friend Mike Krabil in 4th grade to pass notes that no one else could figure out. I still remember it: "Hot Inside, Maybe I'll Kazoo Everyone." Just take the first letters of each word to create the true meaning: "Hi, Mike". I simply could not get to sleep because so much was on my mind. How I'd show him, if it'd work, would we get caught...
15 years later I'd give anything to show Mike that code again. To be in my grandmother's house again. To be ten again. Such incredibly rich emotions that I can only feel in hindsight 2300 miles away.
What an incredibly stressful year this has been.
original video file