An on/off switch. I guess
I just want to be an android. Program my ass at
bedtime. "8 hours of rest starting in T-Minus 30
seconds and counting..." That would ROCK.
As you probably guessed I can't
sleep for shit. My mind is absolutely racing. It's
like the second I know that I'm conscious I go through
all my challenges in my head. It's great for
productivity, but horrible for sleep. Once I realized
I was truly awake, I did the normal lying in bed
things: Look at shadows, watch the dog, count the
number of blinds in our window. It's amazing how
complex we humans are, yet when we're caught in that
narrow spectrum of time during the night, we actually
just sit there and count blinds. It's like we don't
want to do anything too complex or else we'll really
be up. Oh and my favorite: Seeing if the 2 clocks are
synced. This, more than anything that happened
tonight, got me out of bed.
Anyone who has ever slept in a
room, or hell BEEN in a room in which you can see 2
digital clocks at the same time has fallen into this
trap: "Figure out exactly how many seconds one clock
is from the other". Invariably you start watching the
clock at ONE SECOND past the minute change
so you're stuck watching the same clock for 59
seconds. And invariably you look away and notice it
has changed the moment that you turned away. And why
do you turn away? 'Cause you feel like you're missing
something, or wasting time when you just stare
aimlessly at a clock for a minute. Like you've got
better things to do. Maybe it's just because to
actually concentrate for a whole minute on something
that isn't moving is a deplorable act to my
generation. I don't know. Either way, when you stare
at one clock you are thinking of the other. And
periodically you'll spin your head around to see it.
During the first minute of this
devo-headspin-dance you haven't the slightest clue
which clock to look at, so you have to look at both
clocks as often as possible. This can be a looooong
minute. Then if your clocks are close and you don't
see which one turned first, well you get to do it all
over again. If you're lucky you can stare into that
nothingness space in the night BETWEEN both clocks,
and let your peripheral vision find the victor. Then
again, if they're that close why the hell do you have
2 in the first place. You'll spend the good part of 10
minutes enjoying this little race if your clocks are
synced close enough. Of course if you're me you'll
waste nearly an hour doing it. Yes, an hour. Ya see, I
think tonight I accomplished a feat that no one has
achieved in all of mankind. I actually synced the
two clocks PERFECTLY, within 1/30th of a second,
without even looking. I set the clocks at 10:09 when
I originally went to bed (pretty early, still
recovering from Ohio time). I saw one was 10:09 and
just bumped the second up to 10:10 and called it a
night. Little did I know I was EXACT. I mean
dead-on. So you can only imagine my frustration trying
to see which one was ahead. I actually whispered
"GODDAMNIT!" about 5 times in our bed trying to do
this. I simply couldn't believe I was DEAD on, ya
know? That's just not possible, there's always at
least a second. And these 2 clocks are on opposite
sides of the room, so I could never be sure. I'd get
so frustrated that I'd give up and think about all my
other problems right now, then inevitably see one
clock change and have to whip my head up to see the
other clock, only to be foiled again.
Well, at this point I was up. So
I stood up in the bedroom and positioned the
clocks towards me so I could do the "space in between"
method. Which resulted in my head just shaking
frantically by the time both clocks turned. At this
point I'm laughing, because here is a grown naked man
standing in his bedroom with his hands out to his side
like he's drawing his pistols...frantically shaking
his head every minute and then whispering an
obscenity. Thank GOD Jessica didn't wake up. I
decide it's time to get the video camera. I truly
have taken this little game to a new level. I'm about
to bring the two clocks together, videotape them, and
put them into my computer to see how close they are. I
can only venture to guess, that I am the only man on
the planet who has done this.
So I bring the 2 clocks together
at the end of the bed, with Jessica sleeping right
there mind you, and of course sit about 6 inches from
them to see if I can spot the difference yet
again. Nothing, I've actually pulled this off. So I
run and get my camera and I notice it's 2:58 AM. If I
kick ass I can actually tape the 2:59 to 3:00 AM
change which for cinematic purposes is just the shit.
Of course I now have two clock wires strung across the
room, J-Dog is trying valiantly to trip me for
attention and I'm trying to set up this camera without
waking Jess up...and before the clock strikes. Well
I made it with about 8 seconds to spare. When I
loaded the footage into my computer I was shocked to
see quite the little paridigm. I had to of course zoom
into 1/30th of a frame to find the difference, but
what I found was when one clock struck 3:00, the other
clock struck 8:88. A mixture of 2:59 and 3:00. I had
actually caught that split millisecond in between
minutes. So now the question is, did I do it? Or am I
1/60th of a second off? I guess I'm not perfect, but
I'm better than the human eye, and better than a video
camera. But of course I still want to know how
far off I am. It's lucky really, because Frame
120 (the 8:88 frame) could have easily been 2:59 or
3:00 and I would've thought I was 1/30th of a
second off or exact...now I know I was
within 1/60th of a second...which I must say is
the shit. No one on the planet has ever blindly set
their clocks that good. The funny part is, that
they're both too fast so it's kind of like arguing
over who's the best basketball player ever: Mugsey
Bogues, or Sam Bowie...you're just wrong.
So here's a video of
the time change. Although I converted
the 30 frames a second video to 10 frames
a second for the mpg compression, I was
lucky enough to capture that 8:88
frame....it basically looks like a blurry
2:59. Because the movie you'll see is 10
frames per second it will hold that in
8:88 frame for 3 times longer than real
time. It's complicated stuff, but the
point is, if you were at my house watching
the video on the tv, you'd not be able to
catch the difference between clocks. To
the human eye they are synced. The video
I made shows it in real time, and
then I freeze the 3 different frames at
the end so you can see it more clearly.
Here you are: VIDEO.
YouTube
link added
02.13.09
Anyway, where the HELL was I? I
have to be the king of all tangents...ahh yes king of
all media: Howard Stern. One of the many things that
have plagued my head tonight. Howard Stern is having a
Parody Song contest. Grand prize is $10,000 and a spot
on his show...2nd is $5000 and 3rd and 4th will be
rewarded. My uncle told me about this when I was in
Ohio, and I promptly burned "It's Ok That You're Bi"
onto a CD and sent it off on Monday. It's a Late Show
Parody of Julian Lennon's "Too Late For Goodbyes".
When he told me I was ever so hesitent. Radio is such
a big temptation to me. Right now I'm telling Monty to
hold the $100, I want what's behind door #3. I want
that $100 so bad, but I just have to believe that
something better lies in the unknown. The ultimate:
"Grass is Greener" scenerio. I feel I have more to
offer than radio can support. So I'm completely
turning my back on something I love to reach some
ultimate goal, and THEN I can have it all. Radio, TV,
Movies...you name it. But if I wallow in radio I'll
never see the others.
You have to be saying: "ADAM,
WHAT THE HELL, IT'S A RADIO
CONTESTYOU DUMBASS"
I know that, but twists of fate work in
mysterious ways. It's like Darva Conger (the
millionaire bride) being in Playboy. When she signed
that contract to be in that stupid FOX show, she
unknowingly signed a contract to appear in Playboy.
She surely thought she wouldn't win, she surely
thought she wouldn't be in the spotlight, and she
surely thought she'd keep her job as a nurse...but
again twists of fate happen in mysterious ways, and
they all start with an ACTION on your
part.
By sending that song off to Stern,
I've set in motion a series of events that could be
incredibly positive, but that are completely out of my
focus right now. Let's suppose I won. The song is
better than any parody song I have EVER HEARD on
that show. What will that do to my life? What exposure
would that give me in the radio world, and even the
media world? It all seems incredibly positive, and
I obviously think it IS since I sent the thing
in...but I'm very wary. I'm playing with the devil
here. What if I was offered a morning show at some
station anywhere in the country to do my show and my
parodies? How could I say no? I wouldn't. Hell no
I wouldn't. That isn't out of the realm of
possibilities if that song gets played on Stern and
they all sit around and talk about it. Rest assured
there's some program directors out in radio land
listening closely to these songs for somethign to
spruce up their own station. Again, remember I sent
the cd in so I'm quite willing to take these chances.
I'm also overanalyzing to an extreme FAULT right
now, but I'm now very conscious of crossroads in life.
I watch my actions VERY closely. I have marvelled
at what happened this past November at CD101. How the
tiniest of actions on my part led to a complete
upheavel in my life. Actions that were set in motion
by other actions from over a year previous. As always,
I'm just stating my feelings, and most likely I won't
even get mentioned. But if I were you I'd listen on
Friday, September 7th just in case. You just never
know.
Also plaguing my mind this
evenin...morning, is of course the ever popular -
Hollywood Screentest. Had a nice meeting with them
yesterday and got some good news. They finally agreed
that we should chill on the Movie Mindeds until we
sell. Thank GOD. So X-Men will be the last one for a
little bit. They are saying there'll still be work on
other fronts for me, for other shows they're doing.
And they're offering to help pay for an upgrade as my
computer is WIGGING out. Oddly enough though, that's
not what has me reeling. It's the partner that they're
teaming up with in November that's just monumental. I
think it's still a secret, but let me assure you that
if all goes as planned, Hollywood Screentest will be a
household name in less than a year. It's just so big.
It's the kind of thing that makes me want to shut up
about the money situation and just hold on tight. It's
the kind of thing that keeps me up at 2:59 trying to
see if my clocks are synced. Good GOD it's 4:59
AM already. I'm just so damn close to the next
level. I just want to survive on August 22nd. On
September 22nd, I could actually be ordering a
pizza, and not be afraid to tip the guy
$2!
Remember the eveo.com contest in
which I submitted The Bread in the Freezer short?
The winner gets announced on August 30th. It was gonna
be August 15th, but they got so many submissions they
had to bump the deadline back. It's for a ridiculous
sum of money, $25,000. 2nd and 3rd get some cash too,
but $25,000 - wow. That would surely help life a bit.
Hmmm, which contest would I like to win more?
Stern Show and $10,000? or $25,000? Ya know what...I
really think I'd rather win the Howard Stern show. The
exposure (no matter how paranoid I am) would be
invaluable. So in the span of one week there'll be 2
announcements that could blow my ass out of poverty.
Heh, you know what'll happen: I'll get 4th place in
the Stern contest and I'll FREAK OUT like
I just won the lottery. I'll win $250 and frame
the check or soemthing. Ugh, waiting sucks doesn't
it.
My grandmother is sick, and I'm
worried about her. That's another sure-fire insomnia
inducer. These are the moments that being so far from
home just hurts. My mother and grandmother raised my
uncle and I when we were kids. My uncle is 3 1/2 years
older than me, and we quite literally split our time
between households together since we were like
brothers. She's been sick for awhile, but only
recently told us because she didn't want to burden us.
God-love the grandma. The most unconditional love in
the world. Her well being has always been about 5th on
her list of priorities. I guess that's what breaks
your heart when you find out they're in any sort of
pain. There's not a whole lot to say really,
I just wish I could spend more time with
her.
Ya know, I played the "are the
clocks synced race" when I was ten. I was awake
one night at my grandmother's house (oddly enough)
because I had thought of a new code I could share
with my friend Mike Krabil in 4th grade to pass notes
that no one else could figure out. I still remember
it: "Hot Inside, Maybe I'll Kazoo Everyone." Just take
the first letters of each word to create the true
meaning: "Hi, Mike". I simply could not get to sleep
because so much was on my mind. How I'd show him, if
it'd work, would we get caught...
15 years later I'd give anything
to show Mike that code again. To be in my
grandmother's house again. To be ten again. Such
incredibly rich emotions that I can only feel in
hindsight 2300 miles away.