At this point I'm
just lost. I honestly don't know how people can do it.
Well, my name's in lights (or on lights) in Hollywood.
It was an empty thrill because I knew no one
would really be here tonight. Just some regulars
hopefully to get the ball rolling for the next two
shows. I guess, yeah I was surprised that
NO ONE showed up. I guess they have no
"regular" crowd, and hell I don't know anyone
here. And here's where the big philosophical argument
comes in. Part one involved the fact that I set up in
front of a grand piano. It killed me. I just wanted to
sit at the piano and sing. The owner of course saw my
4tvs tape and loved it so that would be kind of
shitty. No one but the bartender ever came, so
I guess it didn't really matter. I know this
takes lots of time and plugging away, and here's a
place that will allow me...but how can I afford to?
Now I'm playing for NO ONE for FREE.
I should've just set-up on the sidewalk. God I
keep threatening that. I'm just in a rut I guess.
Don't really know what I'm looking for, it sickens me
that I could just walk in, sit at a piano for an
hour, and probably make a better impression on people.
Did I come all the way out here for that? JESUS.
SInging karaoke and tickling the ivories. At least the
latter could be creative. I'm seriously thinking of
doing the next 2 Gardenia shows as piano and voice.
Working out a nice little one hour act. Hell I could
do that with my eyes shut. I have so much piano
material...AHHHHH!!! See what I mean?! What the hell
am I thinking! What's the point? How can you stay
focused? And radio keeps popping up in my head because
at least that would be exposure...but I'd almost
certainly start on weekends, and well there go those
And then on the
other hand, All of this is a pre-cursor to the "Ahh!
Capella" gigs. That's the turning point, and all these
are extra. Man, I can't be feeling like this 2-3
months into the game. I'll never make it. My mind
wanders too much though. If one thing doesn't work
out...I'm ready to try the other 7 ideas I have
waiting. I just need something to tell me I'm on the
right track. I guess the fact that I even have
this many gigs SOOOO early is something to remember.
Then again, big deal. They're ALL free. And
goddamn this one was for the door, but who would know?
All "my people" are in OHIO, and hell 98% of them
never came to a show. How do you do it? What is it
gonna take? So many questions. I know that 4tvs is the
vehicle that will eventually get me to where I need to
be. It shows off every talent...the acting, the
comedy, the singing, the writing...but WHERE?
WHERE DO I GO? Is LA even the right
place? Is Vegas where I need to be? How do I know?
That's what really
makes this hard, is that there is no path. This type
of act hasn't been done before, so there is no
"circuit". At least if I came out here to be a
comedian, I would have my doors in front of me.
Where the hell will 4tvs work? AHH. heh heh - ok,
that's enough brainstorming for now. This is where I
am early on March 21st, 2000. Feel free to add your 2