"...absoultely amazing stuff..."
 "...Palaur is quite unlike anything I've experienced on the web before..."
"...I'm at work and I can't pull my eyes off the fu**ing monitor.
This is through the roof man. I don't know what to say..."
"...what an eye-opening experience, I don't want it to be over..."
"...this is one of the most unique and intriguing things I have ever experienced..."
 "...stuff like this appeals to our hidden voyeuristic tenancies..."
"...you actually had tears in my eyes at the end when the keys were
'unlocked'...all I'm doing now is sitting here shaking my head in disbelief..."
Entry #97,
1:32 AM, Thursday, December 14th, 2000:
You know, I had actually forgotten just how addictive palaur was. In redoing the site, I found myself spending hours rereading the entries, and STILL wondering what was gonna happen next. So many twists and turns, that I'm still surprised by some of them.
So let me start from the beginning, explaining what Palaur is, and then explain what is different from the original March 23rd release earlier this year.
In early 1998, I was involved in a hellish love affair that completely stripped me of my dignity and strength. So dificult that I lost my job, my sanity, and almost more. During this time I kept an incredibly detailed journal. Simply to keep my sanity. Within the journal entries I copied and pasted the instant messages that I had with her. This is what makes Palaur so vivid. These un-edited instant messages that bare all. On top of that, I wrote an immense amount of material and within each journal entry you can link to it all. That along with video makes the site simply gigantic. It's a story like too many, but with a twist of multimedia that'll make you never forget it. Within every entry lies reactions by other readers. At any moment you can hit the "send reaction" button and give your 2 cents. This keeps the site alive, and allows for some great debate. As I said before, rereading these entries, I'm swept away again. The instant messages are so personal, you're eavesdropping...it's just crazy.
So what's changed? Well first of all - it's now completely free. That's right, the entire site is available free of charge rather than $10 as it was previously. The reason being, I believe in it that much. I just want people to read this. I just want people to be inspired by it. $10 can't even fill up HALF of my gas tank nowadays, so it's worthless for me to lock the site up and keep people from it.
What I will do however, is offer the entire site and a bunch of goodies on a CD-ROM for $10. You'll be able to go through the whole story without ever worrying about your shitty internet connection (saving you a HUGE amount of time - over 60 downloads), as well the music and video will be at a higher quality a than you can get online. As well I'm including a program that will allow you to burn all the mp3s to a CD, so you can enjoy the music and audio from the videos anywhere...This is truly the way to experience the site, because you can instantly hear and see all the media at the click of a button. But if you don't wanna shell out hte $10 it is all on the site for free. I'm hoping to be able to have the finished CD-ROM by early next year. Still working on the opening of the disc. Trying to make a nice flash intro...
As well, for those of you who went through it before, I've opened everything up. You're no longer forced to download the media before you move ahead. Only the keys are a necessity as they wrap up the entire site at the end. I figure people want to hear all the songs and see all the video...if they REALLY want to skip it so be it....their loss.
I've also cleared up the beginning and rounded some edges - just polished it up a bit. I must reiterate how shocked I was to find that I could be swept up in it again after all this time. Please set aside some time and check it out. Hell it's free now, you got no excuse! Palaur
Ahhh, that's better...I thought I'd change things up for the rest of the newsletter. Got a lot to tell you.
Ok, this whole mailing list debacle. What the hell is up Adam's ass? Well, for those of you not on the mailing list (if you'd like to be, email me), I've sent out 3 emails asking the members if they'd like to stay on the list, this email being the absolute last one. I honestly just wanted to stop bugging people that didn't want to read it. There were 250 people on the list, and I knew from the counters and such on the site, that about 50 of you were reading them. It's frustrating to put the amount of work I do into these entries (videos and such) and know that about 20% of the people I'm sending it to even see it. So I figured I'd just ask people if they wanted to stay on the list to reply. As of now, a week since the first email went out, I have 70 people on the new list. QUITE a jump. So obviously I was correct in my assumptions. That's 180 people GONE. But what kills me about all of this is how some people responded. With the attitude of: "The hell's up your ass?" and "Oh do you need your ego stroked today? Wanna see how many people like you?" - I mean for cryin' out loud people I was trying to be nice. But I'm glad those people responded that way so I could remove them from my list. LOL.
Now I will admit, this journal/journey is as much for me as it is for you. I want this to be something cool to look back on = FOR ME, but I also want it to be an inspiration for others. I do want people to enjoy it. I also find an incredible amount of motivation in the people following my story. The ones who have supported me for so long. To know there are people back in Columbus, or hell all over the country waiting to see what happens next. It really does keep me going. But I want the list to be people who care about the 4tvs Adam, not the Radio Adam. I am not that guy anymore. And it's obvious to see that about 180 of you still thought I was. And ya know what? That's fine. I would MUCH rather have a smaller list of people that care than a huge list that includes people that don't. "A nice happy family" as I stated previously. As well, I'm gonna just post the entries on the site as I did before and email everyone the link. If you're that strapped for time that this bothers you and you can't click the link, then you'll never be able to read through my entries anyway. As you all know, I certainly know how to talk. LOL. So that's the last I'll speak of the whole mailing list crap.
Oh wait, one last thing. I really do want your feedback. I love it. I love criticism, I love people pointing things out that I've never thought of before. It's how I've gotten as far as I have, by listening to what other people think. But please for cryin' out loud have a point. Don't just give blanket opinions or snide comments and expect me to do anything but erase you from my mind and move on. I've got enough to worry about without having to read this:
"I want to be on the list, even thought the past couple of entires have
pissed me off a bit. Sometimes you say really offensive things that people like
myself just shake my head and remember you are still young in life..."
That was all that person said by the way. Just went ahead with the rest of the email and didn't explain what was meant. I responded quite SHITTILY and am sure that this person feels I'm just arrogant and can't accept criticism of anything I do. So I just wanted to clear the air and explain that I love criticism, and more than anything I NEED IT. I'm in an incredible whirlwind out here, and am constantly trying to keep myself grounded and make the right decisions. It's incredibly difficult to do, and comments like the one above piss me off more than anything on earth.
It's so strange, I'm highly aware that there's a large group of people that believe you change when you get money/fame/success. Yet another reason I document the hell out of my life. So if I do attain any of those things, I'll be able to find the point in which my ASSHOLISH ways began - LOL - "ENTRY #97 Adam!" ROFL. (sigh) - My point is, I'm really starting to believe that's all complete horseshit. Those who "turn into" assholes when they attain the money/fame/success, were assholes well before, and the money just accentuated it. The truth is, the people around you change, and you in turn have to change from their actions. Case in point, a year ago, I would've taken the time to really understand where this person was coming from and try and clear it up. As it is, I've written 3 emails and left a phone message, but now I'm done. I'll have nothing more to do with it. I can't afford it. I have so many negative things to conquer in this god-forsaken city, I simply can't deal with ones that can't further my career - and therin lies the rub. I just became LA-MAN. I turned my back on something because it couldn't help ME-ME-ME. Then again, I've written 3 times, and left a voicemail, so I did try - but the old Adam would've gotten to the end of it, and fixed it. Because honestly, I know it's just a miscommunication. A strange observation I thought I'd share with you.
Ok, now here's what I really wanted to write about. I had the show to end all shows last Friday. I played the Christmas party at our apartment complex, and the reaction was so incredible. I mean SO incredible. I couldn't have stacked the audience any better.
Friday, December 8th, 2000 - 9:15 -9:45 PM
we miss you john...
Now this is livin'. Getting to set up at noon for a night performance. Sound check...beauty. Truly the best 4tvs has sounded EVER. Got all the levels right....it was wonderful. Set-up in Magnolia Apartment's rec-room... Full spread, both speakers...it was nice...
Whew. Out-of-body experience tonight...lemme tell YOU. LOL. The sound was so good, it felt like I was listening to a CD. This was a Christmas show, and a few other performers went on before me. Playing some groovin' piano tunes. When I went on. I'm pretty sure no one knew what to expect. I didn't want to do too much, so I just chose to do 2 sets. One to show I could sing, and one to make people laugh. I don't know why, but I always feel I need to start off with the foundation of singing. I figure once people respect that, then the comedy is just icing. Felt goooood tonight. It's strange, I only think I'm a good singer when I'm performing. Is that strange? Like I kinda sing around the house or whatever, but I'm always a little surprised when I'm performing...like I never think I'm gonna hit the notes, and POW - I do. Is that arrogant? LOL - oh well I'm being honest....

Well, how do I say it....I could've had a room full of my closest friends and relatives, and wouldn't have come CLOSE to the reaction I got tonight. It was so incredibly loud. Standing ovation after the sets. Laughing at every imaginable moment. Every freakin' joke. Now, the house is rootin' for me for sure...I'm a tenant in their building, so it's like rootin' for the home team, but this was just incredible. After the last set - they were screamin' so loud, I actually said: "Jesus...gimme a job or somethin'..." LOL. As if to say "ya like me THAT much, I could use some work" LOL. Afterwards quite a few people were excited and wanted to help. Lots of contacts, and the beauty of it was it was respect from true entertainers. These were all comedians, musicians, or writers. Even met a guy who's goin' off to Chicago to meet with the manager of the band "Chicago". Good friends with him. People wondering if I can do comedy clubs, and parties and such. Just overwhelming. What's nice is that Edna (apartment manger) is cool with letting me set-up and play there for whomever I need to. So if there's someone important I'd like to come see the show, I can do it around their schedule and set-up in the rec-room. That's priceless. Very exciting. At one point during the LIFE set, I was turned around (in embarassment for the genitals song - quite funny...), and I was just thinking "I have to make it..." Almost in frustration...you know? The audience is reacting so well...and this isn't a bunch of drunks from ohio (though they were all pretty "happy"), these were entertainers in LA. I just kept thinking - I have to be able to pull this off. I have everything in the plam of my hand...I just have to be able to do this. This whole 4tvs journey has to have a happy ending. I'm in the right place at the right time. So it's all good right now, but I can't help but think - in a few years I may be looking back at this night when I was SO SURE - and wondering what the hell went wrong...ya know? But for now - I stay elated, I keep on pushing - and I MAKE THE DAMN boxes for the 4tvs for an easier set-up! LOL. Giddy-up.

I am certain, I will gain a contact from this show that will put me into the limelight that I need to be in. It was quite tremendous.
Speaking of tremendous, Letters To Lennon has gotten over 300 hits in 5 days. Criminey. I guess putting the link on Beatles message boards was a good idea. WOW. I'm still a bit low on letters, but many people have written me and said they wanted to take their time. Very cool. Feel free to write...
And I guess my final thoughts on the election may be in order. Now that it's over, you can put in perspective how screwy the law is. It basically states this: A candidate may ask for a hand recount, but there's no way in hell we'll be able to do it in time, so nevermind...LOL. We, the state of Florida, have no real standards for this recount, nor will we be able to settle all the lawsuits from your opponent before it's time to choose the electors... I guess what kills me more than anything, is that Bush tried so hard to stop the recounts. The right thing to do would've been to go to court to DETERMINE THE STANDARDS for the handcount. A handcount was the obvious solution to the problem, as even Bush had signed into law in his state, and all that really needed to be fought over were what kind of chads to be counted. Instead the republicans stalled and stalled (and believe me, the democrats would've done the same thing), until the supreme court had no choice. The fact that their decision even mentioned the fact that there "wasn't enough time" to do the hand recount just floors me. How 'bout we MAKE time to get it right? (sigh) and on top of all that - I'M ALONE here. Most everyone now believes Gore was being the asshole and Bush had won all along. Heh, gotta hand it to his public relations team, they sure as hell knew how to sway the country. I predict that sometime next year....those votes WILL be counted, and then we'll REALLY be in some shit. I just can't understand why Bush wouldn't want to take the time to hand recount that whole state. Either way I feel Bush will be better for our economy, and that's all I've ever given a shit about. Bush will talk a big game (like his stupid laundry list tonight), and won't get a damn thing done. Which is just PERFECT for Wall Street.
Alright, I think that's it. Again, check out palaur when you have the time, and as well don't forget about Star Wars Blew! I can still send it in time for Christmas!