- 12:01 AM, Tuesday,
October 28th, 2025:
-
- This song. Good
fucking lord this song...
-
- Written in 2022 it
came out of nowhere and effectively STOPPED my
documentary "Where You Once Belonged"... A phone call
from Jess triggered it... and actually, I said it
best in the
entry:
-
- So when I heard
Jess break down crying today, and then have to hang up
really quick... I spent like 8 minutes battling all
these emotions. Those 8 minutes happened to be when I
said goodbye to my kids who were going to school.
Crazy timing, it was right as they were walking out.
When she called back to continue filling me in, I was
CLEARLY shaken. She asked if I was alright and I just
wept. And I could barely get out the words: "I just
love you and want you to be happy" to which she broke
down again and we had this bizarre moment that felt
like 2004. There was this overwhelming need to help
her. To wipe her eyes, help her solve the problems...
all that...
-
- ...except I'm
20 years away, that's not my role, and it was just
this part of my cranium that hadn't been accessed for
18 years. When we finally hung up, I just cried. I
hadn't heard her cry like that in so long and... ya
know what it's like? Have you ever heard your parent
yell something when you're an adult and the hairs on
the back of your neck stand up like you're a little
kid? THAT is what it felt like.
-
- Man, that was a
REALLY good analogy. And from that feeling, came this
song. Chords, melody - everything. It was the first time
since I had built this studio (specifically to write
music) that happened and then of course it hit me: wait,
I need to access THAT to write? Because my life is
soooooooo good? I have to find other people's
trauma? FUCK.
-
- And that basically
ended everything... of course then Virtual Presence
started, I had a "friend" supply my very OWN trauma and
this year knocked it out of the park!!! Songs galore!
Music music music! LMFAO. But at the time, in 2022 when I
wrote this, I just couldn't. I couldn't SEEK out
drama to write a fucking song. Songs have been therapy
for me my entire life - and if I ain't writing? Then -
WHOOPEE!!! So it created this really bizarre chicken/egg
scenerio.
-
- However, since we're
revisiting everything - voila:
-
-
- Also, it should be
noted, that of the 126 songs I'm re-releasing with new
performances this is the ONLY one that I'm reusing
the previous performance (from '24) because the simple
production was perfect. It doesn't need more, doesn't
need to be redone - it's that EMPTINESS that actually
makes it work. This will always be an extremely moving
song for me because it was such a EUREKA into how my
creative brain works and of course, there's a very
beautiful realization within the words: when you've ever
loved someone, it doesn't go away. Labels change, life
moves on, but a simple sound or smell or whatever can
bring back a CRAZY flood of emotions and I adore
that this piece of art came from that feeling. I didn't
see it coming at all, but when do you ever realize that
you haven't heard an ex cry in 2 decades. Ya know?
I had no idea it would floor me like this and I'd
instantly be 20 years younger. It's like that Tom Waits
song, "Martha" except I wasn't fightin' the tears -
they were just THERE.
-
- And then I sat
down, wrote and recorded that and moved on. Thankfully
things got better for Jess and all is good with the world
but got-DAMN did that surprise me.
-
- I must be the
luckiest artist that has ever lived.
-
- Adam
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