4:11 AM, Friday, February 10th, 2023:
I know I've written this entry before... but I can't help but write it again. It's this overwhelming feeling of "THIS MATTERS". This is a moment. Don't let it pass without saying something in The Journey...
...but my goodness is Vienna... Vienna. I have to imagine only other parents can relate to this, and I was always such an empath before having kids I could certainly imagine what this feels like. I remember connecting to what Bill Murray said about his kids in "Lost in Translation" and instinctively knowing and feeling what he was saying even before I was a dad... but there is this magic in seeing your kids come of age. Especially a kid who was quiet or shy... suddenly being outgoing, funny and just THEM. You're so happy for them and so excited about what's next... it really comes back to that line in the movie:
"Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life."
First off, there is nothing about my life before them I wish to return, so that's a plus right there. But the delivery of that line in the context of that scene; two stages in life simply talking... it's so powerful and I felt it so hard... jesus, 20 years ago. And you want to be with them... and they're the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
But it is magic. I mean it isn't... it's all those environmantal moments that shape your sense of humor plus genetics. I mean, Vienna calls me "mate" all the time now. You don't even question it. It just is. But this girl in this video with her friends...
So happy, so funny. Like genuinely, effortlessly, attractively funny. You can't help but want to be near her to see what things pop out of her head... because it's absolutely new. Maybe that's it for me? My brain is obviously pretty new and future centered. I'm enamored with things that haven't been done before... I'm realizing that now more than ever with this VRlog stuff... but Vienna has new ideas. Like bizarre, strange, WAY outside-the-box: new ideas. Her brain is just different. Watching her find that... and then use it to be a leader of sorts? Like, won the class student council thingee with the most votes, friends with everyone type of personality... how?!?! This little girl that was a ball of emotions and anxieties and fears just found herself. She is 100% her own soul and that foundation won't waver the rest of her life. I remember this quite clearly about me. I was 9. That was when I remember being "Me". As I got older, I remembered my thoughts from before and after 9 and there was this shift. She's there.
Fascinating shit really. It's also 4:27 AM now and, well, I can't sleep because I'm doing so many damn things at once. It's a good type of insomnia. Thanks to the studio I built I can indeed actually get up, work, then go back to sleep. Pretty wonderful.
Also, it should be noted, I have two children. I could write ad infinitum about Cam as well and have and will continue. He's not there yet. He's still trying too hard at everything. You can see where he's going to end up, but he's like a guy trying to lockdown his serve in Tennis. The form is there, the ball is just going fucking bonkers. Every now and again he nails it and you think "Oh! He's got it!". Then the next 5 smacks tell you otherwise. Because, well, he's 9. Something tells me it'll be a different story around 11 or 12 for him. Vienna however, is absolutely there, now. No denying it. Hard to believe I'm even typing it.
Glad I am, though.