- 4:11 AM, Friday,
February 10th, 2023:
- I know I've
written this entry before... but I can't help but
write it again. It's this overwhelming feeling of
"THIS MATTERS". This is a moment. Don't let it
pass without saying something in The
- ...but my goodness
is Vienna... Vienna. I have to imagine only other
parents can relate to this, and I was always such an
empath before having kids I could certainly imagine
what this feels like. I remember connecting to what
Bill Murray said about his kids in "Lost in
Translation" and instinctively knowing and feeling
what he was saying even before I was a dad... but
there is this magic in seeing your kids come of age.
Especially a kid who was quiet or shy... suddenly
being outgoing, funny and just THEM. You're so happy
for them and so excited about what's next... it really
comes back to that line in the movie:
- "Your life,
as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But
they learn how to walk, and they learn how to
talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn
out to be the most delightful people you will ever
meet in your life."
- First off, there
is nothing about my life before them I wish to
return, so that's a plus right there. But the delivery
of that line in the context of that scene; two stages
in life simply talking... it's so powerful and I felt
it so hard... jesus, 20 years ago. And you want to be
with them... and they're the most delightful people
you will ever meet in your life.
- But it is magic.
I mean it isn't... it's all those environmantal
moments that shape your sense of humor plus genetics.
I mean, Vienna calls me "mate" all the time now.
You don't even question it. It just is. But this girl
in this video with her friends...
- So happy, so
funny. Like genuinely, effortlessly, attractively
funny. You can't help but want to be near her to see
what things pop out of her head... because it's
absolutely new. Maybe that's it for me? My brain is
obviously pretty new and future centered. I'm enamored
with things that haven't been done before... I'm
realizing that now more than ever with this VRlog
stuff... but Vienna has new ideas. Like bizarre,
strange, WAY outside-the-box: new ideas. Her brain is
just different. Watching her find that... and then use
it to be a leader of sorts? Like, won the class
student council thingee with the most votes, friends
with everyone type of personality... how?!?! This
little girl that was a ball of emotions and anxieties
and fears just found herself. She is 100% her own soul
and that foundation won't waver the rest of her life.
I remember this quite clearly about me. I was 9.
That was when I remember being "Me". As
I got older, I remembered my thoughts from before
and after 9 and there was this shift. She's
- Fascinating shit
really. It's also 4:27 AM now and, well, I can't sleep
because I'm doing so many damn things at once. It's a
good type of insomnia. Thanks to the studio
I built I can indeed actually get up, work,
then go back to sleep. Pretty wonderful.
- Also, it should be
noted, I have two children. I could write ad
infinitum about Cam as well and have and will
continue. He's not there yet. He's still trying
too hard at everything. You can see where he's going
to end up, but he's like a guy trying to lockdown his
serve in Tennis. The form is there, the ball is just
going fucking bonkers. Every now and again he nails it
and you think "Oh! He's got it!". Then the next 5
smacks tell you otherwise. Because, well, he's 9.
Something tells me it'll be a different story around
11 or 12 for him. Vienna however, is absolutely there,
now. No denying it. Hard to believe I'm even typing
- Glad I am,