- 12:34 PM, Tuesday,
June 22nd, 2022:
-
- Oh this one is a
doozy...
-
-
- The voice-over
script really is the entry...
-
- The moment you
have children you accept that they will live on after
you leave the planet. And recently it's occurred to me
that this project, The Journey, will someday be handed
down as opposed to ending upon my exit. That
realization has kind of redefined the audience for me
and how to continue this documentation.... and this
entry is a crossroads. I've been surpassed and I'm not
sure which part of that story to tell in
2022.
-
- After teaching
Vienna how to do the Rubik's cube I started buying the
"tools of the trade" for speedcubers so we could
really see how good she was... and how good I was,
honestly. What I wasn't prepared for as a member of
Adam & The Egos, was that she would be way, way
faster than me. Not 'cause she got a lucky scramble,
but on average - by over 20 seconds. I'm at 75
seconds, she's at 54. Her ability to see the
transitions in these beginner patterns is lightening
fast... and of course, I'm pushing 50.
-
- Now enter The
Journey, which was once considered MY project, but I'm
realizing it's a project that will outlive me... so
what do I say here? Of course I'm proud of her, she's
my daughter. But I have an equally strong emotion that
was something I used to write about within The
Journey... my own ego and feelings. And I am
absolutely having a bit of trouble with this one.
Like, looking older? Part of life. My eyes starting to
get a little wonky? Shit it's a part of life I'm
almost proud of: it means you've lived.
-
- But accepting that
you're not as sharp mentally as you once were, shit or
that you may have never been as sharp as the person
you're teaching? Well, that is indeed a moment of
mortality that I have to admit has hit me quite hard.
I can't let this one go as easily. At least not in
2022. 2032? Sure. But life has a funny way of not
allowing you the time to prepare for transitions and
this is a crossroad that for whatever reason is
painful for me. I know admitting that makes me look
selfish. But goddamnit, this is The Journey, and this
is the truth.
-
- I'm not ready to
pass the baton, this makes me want to study the
advanced moves just to beat her... but knowing that
once I learn those... I love her, I'll teach them to
her and of course, she will then beat me again because
she's absolutely faster than me. But for a temporary
moment, during the transition, I'll feel superior.
-
- A temporary
moment. I guess that's what getting old really is. All
those feelings that surrounded you when you were
younger? The ambition, the ego, the conquests, the
achievements... you only feel them in tiny little
temporary moments... and then the younger ones race
past. Sure, you have wisdom, you can pace yourself
better... but you know what's coming. And you try to
help where you can... but soon, you won't be needed.
Nor should you be.
-
- I look forward to
the next temporary moment.
-
- (the fuck in the
video wasn't scripted - lol)
-
- So I guess this
inevitably means the journey is still more "ME"
focused for the time being. Not dead yet... that kind
of thing. Goddamn all of those over-the-hill book
titles make sense now. That pathetic grabbing for the
spotlight when people know you're past your prime...
or accepting it and creating anyway. I have a new
found respect for that, but the transition here in The
Journey will be far messier. When you do 100 entries a
year for life it becomes harder to gloss up and
package your issues. LOL.
-
- I will however
look back on this entry as the moment that struggle
truly began. No idea how long it'll be, but it's here.
I pushed it off pretty long come to think of it. Part
of having kids late I guess. Man - it's no wonder
people that never have children are seemingly in a
state of arrested development.
Hmmm... lots to ponder in #2247.
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- Adam
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