- 5:41 AM, Tuesday,
December 28th, 2021:
-
- This feels like a
soft-launch. In nearly 4 years I've never made one
penny from Google Play or YouTube with Ads...
hopefully Tubi comes in January but this lack of
Amazon Prime makes all of this feel like masturbation.
No one is gonna find this shit and even friends that
are looking for it are confused. I need a
streaming deal for my movies, and I think the body of
work could do it. With an agent... ugh.
-
- But today is about
the release. It's also my 10 year anniversary and what
once seemed like a romantic way to tie these movies to
special dates in my life, is now a clusterfuck where
I'm short-changing our anniversary. Writing "Finally
Moving On" for your 10-year anniversary entry is
awful LOL. Oops. Talya appreciated the release
date being on such a big day for us. I announced
Volume 2 being on June 25th or September 28th so I'm
gonna have to figure out a better way to document that
for the site. The truth is? Our anniversaries and
special moments between us are pretty private. Weird
to say that because of the gargantuan openness of this
site, but it's true. We don't really post Anniversary
shit on Facebook, we don't do massive public birthday
things... every now and then I guess, but it feels
like showing off. I think that's the biggest
change in the last ten years for us: we've seen some
pretty rocky relationships, we've been around some
pretty bad pairings and we feel like aliens sometimes.
Like, I wouldn't write that SENTENCE on Facebook. Here
seems almost private. Shit, I have the
stats: it is. HA. Maybe it's because we're in too
many Mommy groups where people bitch about their
husbands and Talya and I look at each other and go:
"What the fuck? That's a thing?" I swear, so many
people get married to someone's representative that
they parade around like themselves and then once they
relax everyone's stuck. I can honestly say that
even with my checkered past, that wasn't true for me
or anyone I was with. Thank GODDDDDD. It's why we're
all still amicable. But, of course, Happy Anniversary.
This will mostly be remembered as the day I got to let
go of this unbelievably tumultuous decade of my life
by releasing it to the wind and walking
away...
-
- ...which is
exactly what you're NOT supposed to do. Christ will I
ever master this process? This is the beginning of
filmmaking, not the end. This is when you are to have
had all the marketing lined up, the press releases...
christ I'm staring at a Guinness Book of World Records
plaque - a press release would be SO EASY... but
where would I point them to?
YOUTUBE WITH ADS? Ugh. But I didn't do it
for the other films either. Sure I did a couple
podcasts and I have a couple things lined up but it's
not gonna make the film much money. That's the thing -
I don't care about that part... I don't have a group
of investors breathing down my neck or people involved
that want to push the film - it's all me. So I put
everything in getting it released and then fall over.
Or in my case I write this shit at 6am so I can
immediately start construction stuff because I'm
working on my 2023 project. <throws hands
up>
-
- Something has to
give and the lack of Amazon Prime just may have done
it. It is a goal for next year to get some sort of
streaming deal where I can always point everyone to
one place. Is that even possible? We'll find
out...
-
- God am I ever
going to talk about the film? I am excited for people
to see it. Mostly like 4 people who know me as the
Fastest Delorean guy. Again without a wide release
this just feels like jerking off. Maybe I can't
write about this without focusing on that. Ha. Here's
the trailer:
-
-
- Man... I want
people to see it. I'll say this though: without
Volume 2? It just feels cruel. Like... it was a
conclusion I came to 10 years ago as well: as much as
I wanted it to be a nice 1,000 entries and a movie? It
ends at the absolute bottom. The next 10 years are SO,
MUCH, BETTER - and so different. God it's like two
completely different lives. I'm really weird, man.
It's why I give Charlotte so much rope in her
wildly shitty views of who I am because she certainly
used my surrounding environment for that assessment. I
seem out-of-control, marrying everything that moves,
extremely self-centered. And I swear to you all, I
didn't change in 2010. I cared for Jess and Donna the
exact same way I care for Talya. I approach projects
now the exact same way I approached them then. The
difference? Man, on our 10 year anniversary I feel
like I should have some grand explanation but it feels
like timing. Had I met Talya a year before? I don't
think we would've worked out. She had just left her
husband, I was DONE with relationships and we
literally said that to each other. Immediately and
MEANT IT. Which took ALL of the pressure off and
that's why it worked. If we had judged each other like
future marriage partners? Hell no. She came from a
completely different socio-economic class so I
would've written her off completely and me? The Thrice
divorced loser without a real job? Fuckouttahere.
Those feelings were actually why it worked. We looked
over any bump in the road becuase as I'd think: "She
ain't number 4." and as she'd think: "I'm not gonna be
number 4." WHO WANTS TO BE #4???
Well, it turns out, a very special person. A person
who just let it go and admitted we both really loved
spending time together. Doing absolutely nothing.
I mean... certainly something, but you know -
ahem.
-
- It was exhaustion
really. You let down your guard, you're so tired, you
almost mistakenly let someone in... and then you
think? Meh, why not. This feels good. I want it to
keep feeling good. Now, it working out this well? My
ability to swim through chaos helped her a bunch.
Before me, it seems even the tiniest details of life
were difficult, required copious amounts of anxiety
and took up the whole day. I come along and
figuratively hit 2 buttons, it's fine... and I just
move on. That's a really good pairing I'm finding out.
Me always being calm in situations truly, truly helps
her. And when the chaos of life becomes easier? Guess
what that means? We get to be those two kids doing
nothing, spending time together. We get more of those
moments because we seem to be skipping the normal
difficulties of marriage. We don't make a ton of money
- but to me? It's a ton of money... because I'm so
goddamned efficient it FEELS like we have MORE than
enough. That FEELING? That is all that matters. We
feel like the luckiest people on earth. We fit. We
match. I've never felt more appreciated and I've never
felt more at peace. I love her so much, I love our
lives so much. I cannot imagine a day without
her. She truly completes me. I feel listened to.
I feel needed. And when it's not about me -
that's the best time of all, because we just get to be
us. I cannot fathom where I'd be today if
I hadn't met her.
-
- Shit, why wonder -
watch The Official Journey Vol. 1. It wouldn't have
been a whole lot different. Considering how Vol. 2
will start (still a secret), I could very well not be
here.
-
- Well, good luck
finding the moview. Happy Release Day. Happy
Anniversary.
-
- Adam
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