5:41 AM, Tuesday, December 28th, 2021:
This feels like a soft-launch. In nearly 4 years I've never made one penny from Google Play or YouTube with Ads... hopefully Tubi comes in January but this lack of Amazon Prime makes all of this feel like masturbation. No one is gonna find this shit and even friends that are looking for it are confused. I need a streaming deal for my movies, and I think the body of work could do it. With an agent... ugh.
But today is about the release. It's also my 10 year anniversary and what once seemed like a romantic way to tie these movies to special dates in my life, is now a clusterfuck where I'm short-changing our anniversary. Writing "Finally Moving On" for your 10-year anniversary entry is awful LOL. Oops. Talya appreciated the release date being on such a big day for us. I announced Volume 2 being on June 25th or September 28th so I'm gonna have to figure out a better way to document that for the site. The truth is? Our anniversaries and special moments between us are pretty private. Weird to say that because of the gargantuan openness of this site, but it's true. We don't really post Anniversary shit on Facebook, we don't do massive public birthday things... every now and then I guess, but it feels like showing off. I think that's the biggest change in the last ten years for us: we've seen some pretty rocky relationships, we've been around some pretty bad pairings and we feel like aliens sometimes. Like, I wouldn't write that SENTENCE on Facebook. Here seems almost private. Shit, I have the stats: it is. HA. Maybe it's because we're in too many Mommy groups where people bitch about their husbands and Talya and I look at each other and go: "What the fuck? That's a thing?" I swear, so many people get married to someone's representative that they parade around like themselves and then once they relax everyone's stuck. I can honestly say that even with my checkered past, that wasn't true for me or anyone I was with. Thank GODDDDDD. It's why we're all still amicable. But, of course, Happy Anniversary. This will mostly be remembered as the day I got to let go of this unbelievably tumultuous decade of my life by releasing it to the wind and walking away...
...which is exactly what you're NOT supposed to do. Christ will I ever master this process? This is the beginning of filmmaking, not the end. This is when you are to have had all the marketing lined up, the press releases... christ I'm staring at a Guinness Book of World Records plaque - a press release would be SO EASY... but where would I point them to? YOUTUBE WITH ADS? Ugh. But I didn't do it for the other films either. Sure I did a couple podcasts and I have a couple things lined up but it's not gonna make the film much money. That's the thing - I don't care about that part... I don't have a group of investors breathing down my neck or people involved that want to push the film - it's all me. So I put everything in getting it released and then fall over. Or in my case I write this shit at 6am so I can immediately start construction stuff because I'm working on my 2023 project. <throws hands up>
Something has to give and the lack of Amazon Prime just may have done it. It is a goal for next year to get some sort of streaming deal where I can always point everyone to one place. Is that even possible? We'll find out...
God am I ever going to talk about the film? I am excited for people to see it. Mostly like 4 people who know me as the Fastest Delorean guy. Again without a wide release this just feels like jerking off. Maybe I can't write about this without focusing on that. Ha. Here's the trailer:
Man... I want people to see it. I'll say this though: without Volume 2? It just feels cruel. Like... it was a conclusion I came to 10 years ago as well: as much as I wanted it to be a nice 1,000 entries and a movie? It ends at the absolute bottom. The next 10 years are SO, MUCH, BETTER - and so different. God it's like two completely different lives. I'm really weird, man. It's why I give Charlotte so much rope in her wildly shitty views of who I am because she certainly used my surrounding environment for that assessment. I seem out-of-control, marrying everything that moves, extremely self-centered. And I swear to you all, I didn't change in 2010. I cared for Jess and Donna the exact same way I care for Talya. I approach projects now the exact same way I approached them then. The difference? Man, on our 10 year anniversary I feel like I should have some grand explanation but it feels like timing. Had I met Talya a year before? I don't think we would've worked out. She had just left her husband, I was DONE with relationships and we literally said that to each other. Immediately and MEANT IT. Which took ALL of the pressure off and that's why it worked. If we had judged each other like future marriage partners? Hell no. She came from a completely different socio-economic class so I would've written her off completely and me? The Thrice divorced loser without a real job? Fuckouttahere. Those feelings were actually why it worked. We looked over any bump in the road becuase as I'd think: "She ain't number 4." and as she'd think: "I'm not gonna be number 4." WHO WANTS TO BE #4??? Well, it turns out, a very special person. A person who just let it go and admitted we both really loved spending time together. Doing absolutely nothing. I mean... certainly something, but you know - ahem.
It was exhaustion really. You let down your guard, you're so tired, you almost mistakenly let someone in... and then you think? Meh, why not. This feels good. I want it to keep feeling good. Now, it working out this well? My ability to swim through chaos helped her a bunch. Before me, it seems even the tiniest details of life were difficult, required copious amounts of anxiety and took up the whole day. I come along and figuratively hit 2 buttons, it's fine... and I just move on. That's a really good pairing I'm finding out. Me always being calm in situations truly, truly helps her. And when the chaos of life becomes easier? Guess what that means? We get to be those two kids doing nothing, spending time together. We get more of those moments because we seem to be skipping the normal difficulties of marriage. We don't make a ton of money - but to me? It's a ton of money... because I'm so goddamned efficient it FEELS like we have MORE than enough. That FEELING? That is all that matters. We feel like the luckiest people on earth. We fit. We match. I've never felt more appreciated and I've never felt more at peace. I love her so much, I love our lives so much. I cannot imagine a day without her. She truly completes me. I feel listened to. I feel needed. And when it's not about me - that's the best time of all, because we just get to be us. I cannot fathom where I'd be today if I hadn't met her.
Shit, why wonder - watch The Official Journey Vol. 1. It wouldn't have been a whole lot different. Considering how Vol. 2 will start (still a secret), I could very well not be here.
Well, good luck finding the moview. Happy Release Day. Happy Anniversary.