- 12:50 PM - July
- These are some
pretty heavy back-to-backers, eh?
- So the letter I
wrote... wow, almost a year ago to the DAY... to my
cousin still lingers in my brain. I loved him like a
brother... and more than any male I've ever known
besides my father. Writing that letter ripped me to
shreds and I still dream about it and it still
lingers. The dreams are always as follows:
- We find ourselves
in a room together and there's really no escape. We're
alone and have to talk and there's this massive pink
elephant in the room: Talya and I writing a letter to
say we cannot support their marriage. It's awful. But
we talk. And for some reason he really hears me this
time. In reality we had talked often of his wife's
issues and to be honest, I said pretty much the same
thing in the letter I said on the phone to him. Of
course, when it's in writing (and the wife reads your
texts and emails) it will CLEARLY hold more weight.
There was no coming back from that letter. But in the
dream, we find some common ground.
- This last dream
however was different... she came in and that sinking
feeling hit me in the stomach. It's the feeling I had
around her for the last 2 years we spent time with
them. Every time Talya and I would get in the car
after or had a moment to talk alone, we just looked at
each other with worry and concern. This isn't good.
What do we say? How do we apporach this. We would
always just get through it and realize since they
purposely spent less and less time with us it really
- ...of course
I loved the dude, so it did matter. If
I didn't, I would've just said fuck it and kept
the peace. So as the dream continued (and I never have
dreams this linear - usually Bob Saget has jumped in
or some shit... ) she kept talking and I kept biting
my tongue. And then this thought hit me: "Adam, what
are you doing? What are you mending? Is this what you
want?" and I wake up and shake my head...
- ...of course not.
That's why you wrote the letter. You couldn't keep up
the facade anymore. You couldn't watch your children
fall in love with this superficial loveliness when the
reality was absolute chaos that was turning your
cousin into a shell of who you knew. If you didn't say
something now, when they're 5 and 6... it's just gonna
get harder. I missed my brother. He was gone when
she was there. Just the way it is.
- Then we go to my
neighbor Jed's house to swim and see this:
- That cement Elvis
was my Cousin Nick's and Jimmy brought it from Ohio
when he moved out here. It was donated to GolfKon and
was basically a memorial for Nick who passed away
unexpectedly, but as GolfKon changed into movie
themed, it no longer fit...
- ...and as it
reminded me of my heartbreak I wanted to return
it. But I was ghosted. Blocked from everything, no
forwarding address - they moved to Northern
California. It's also like an 80 pound cement block
and honestly part of my issue with my cousin was he
abandoned all things "family" after meeting his wife.
So he surely didn't care. Man - I forgot about
that family aspect for a moment. Whew.
- Anyway so
I gave it to Jed. It fits in his backyard
WAY BETTER and is an incredible conversation
piece. Even if the present owner doesn't know the
- And life moves