- Entry
#2034
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- 3:50 PM - May
26th, 2020
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- So yeah, I'm
failing this diet thing like I've never done before.
Not even putting it IN STONE in the Journey
helped. Something I've honestly never done before.
I always wait until I'm "on board" to make
it public. But alas, the pandemic has truly fucked my
ability to pull this off so I might as well write
about it...
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- There's this
underlying depression to every day now. Even though
I'm a homebody, I'm realizing how much I need the
outside world to be spinning. If it isn't? I'm gung ho
until about 4-5pm and then I just want comfort. I want
comfort food, comfort drinks and the comfort of my
family playing games or watching movies. It's the
best. I love them all. And until those fuckers
LEAVE during the day? I'm having a hard time seeing
how I'll fight that comfort. And then with the
quaranteam coming over? Oh you just want to party.
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- However,
I have to beat this. Like, I cannot make my
Meeting Michael documentary and look unrecognizeable
when all I need to do is lose some weight, cut my hair
and I look great. And? I'm actually slowly killing
myself and putting myself at a higher risk if I did
get this virus. There's a million reasons why I need
to get back on track but the monotony of these days
with no end in sight is truly something I've never
dealt with. I guess none of us have ever dealt with.
It's just wild because I'm SUCH a self-motivator.
I make shit up in my head (like deadlines for
GolfKon) that are completely arbitrary... and it
WORKS. I should be MADE for this shit. But as
I said, knowing that the world isn't really
spinning out there... it truly fucks with my ability
to pull myself out of the comfort zone I'm
in.
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- Then of course add
in, that all Talya and I do all day is try to keep the
horror of this from the kids. The fact that they may
never go back to school here, that we may move to a
completely different country just so they can go to
fucking school... that people are protesting for the
most basic of rights and that the country I knew
growing up is most likely gone forever. Talya and I
still see all of that in bits and pieces on our phone
in between games and fun and we subconsciously just
try and feel good. If that's overeating, or edibles
(which certainly help the overeating) or alcohol or
whatever... we do that shit. I cannot do
ANY of that shit and be healthy. I mean, the
weed maybe if I'm ALREADY falling asleep? Yeah,
it helps me sleep. But alcohol is awful in every way.
Overeating feels like drinking at some point - you
wake up distraught. In fact my 24 hour fast this month
was so eye-opening: I woke up the next day feeling
like a complete badass. So much energy! My body was so
fucking happy it didn't have to process all that
shit.
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- I'll try again
(and again and again) and I know at some point
something will click and I'll be off to the races. It
always does.
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- Just taking a lot
longer than I hoped. Ain't that the motto of 2020.
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- No idea what this
video should be but you can't go wrong with our cats.
Their fights are legendary.
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- Heh. Animals
rock.
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- Adam
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