Entry #2026
9:33 PM - May 10th, 2020
The thought of my daughter losing her "goofiness" might be one of my only fears. Fear might not be the best word...just UTTER sadness that something in her life will force her to hide that. "Inside Out" deals with this beautifully and it's something I consistently come back to because Vienna is soooooo shy unless conditions are just right...
...and then she's just stupid. Like hilariously stupid and funny and gives no fucks because she's enjoying herself so much. She responds to you in funny voices, she makes up funny games, her brain is just brilliant and I love it love it love it...
I think the reason I want to document this so much is that it's CONSTANT and EFFORTLESS for Cam. Cam the Ham. He's SO alpha and SO gregarious that it's second nature. Vienna would be the first to tell you she'd rather watch and laugh at Cam than perform herself...
...but it's actually in her too. You watch her and you can't help but think if she can ust gain the self-esteem to continue to be goofy and not care what people think she can OWN THE WORLD. That's how funny she is. That's how "out-of-the-box" she is and as she gets closer and closer to her teens it's the one thing I want her to hold onto the most.
I'm worrying way more here than I do in reality in the moment... that's kind of the curse of The Journey - it can cement neurosis that is just a fleeting thought. But this fleeting thought flies by often and I figure it's worth remembering as she gets older. I can't shield her from all the things that break your spirit in this world... but I can certainly continue to act ridiculous with her and embrace it.
Love you, V.