Entry #2018
6:12 PM - April 12th, 2020
Wow - I immediately think of Donna since that's who was in this house when we brought CeBe home and she was such an integral part of our life together. Man, wasn't expecting that. Do I try and contact Donna who I haven't written to in 8 years? No, of course not, right? I mean... she's clearly moved on. I'm stuck in space because of The Journey. So yeah...
CeBe died today and for a guy who wishes to experience everything life has to offer, I really thought I had dealt with every way a pet could go, but this one is uniquely awful.
By the end of February it was clear CeBe wasn't doing well. She was slowing down, unable to get outside to go to the bathroom... couldn't jump on the bed and sometimes could barely stand. In early March Karen was about to take her to the vet to see what options we had.
Then COVID. Then waiting. Then a couple days ago not moving hardly at all and yesterday not eating. Karen couldn't get ahold of anyone who would come out to help us put her down. It's Easter of course AND it's a pandemic. So I told the kids "we're moving into Oma's for a couple days!" so I could just lay with the pup until she passed naturally. That's never the preferred method, but considering just how languid CeBe was it certainly wouldn't be like Shizzle. Man, they are forever connected aren't they. I need to do a full entry about how CeBe healed me from the tragedy that was Shizzle. Ugh.
So we're packing up and I get a call that Karen was able to get a callback from Animal Control and they could come out in a couple of hours. Unfortunately they had to TAKE her and put her down. They would not give the shot to her with us there.
I was livid. Of course I'm gonna be there... but I can't. I have to let them take this dog ALIVE? AWAY? What the FUCK.
However, I have children who are about to face their first pet death and I gotta act like this is a good thing so they can handle everything. And truth be told? It is preferable to put them down rather than let them pass naturally because that can be a very, very difficult scene. My childhood dog passed naturally beautifully with a last breath... something out of a movie. Shizzle of course was dying of internal bleeding and fought for over an hour and it was to date one of the most traumatizing things I've ever witnessed. And I watched two grandmothers pass... so holy fuck, it was bad.
So we get to CeBe and she was indeed close to the end. In fact I wasn't sure she was going to make it a few more hours. She tried to stand up when she saw me (gulp) and just fell again. I laid with her. I sat with her. I took some video of the pup...
Such a sweet girl. Will post more in a couple days.
Of course we then have to move her to the backyard and put her on her bed. We all sat out with her and then put our masks on and sat on the other side of the yard while Animal Control came to take her away. I just... this has to be a product of being at the beginning of this pandemic. People aren't gonna stand for this shit as the months roll on (and this shit ain't going away for awhile). You need to be able to put a dog down on location and step back so the family can hold their fucking pet while it dies, not have you TAKE the dog away ALIVE not knowing what's happening - PUT IT IN A FUCKING VAN and drive it away scared. Yup, here come the tears. I tried to just cry about CeBe dying in front of the kids and not the absolute horror of her being alone with strangers when she died because that's way more wrapped up in anger, than sadness. But now it's coming. UGH. I'll remember her raising her head as they lifted her bed forever. Her looking at them wondering what was happening. She really was pretty out of it, though and could very well have fallen back asleep in the van. It was certainly her time, wow. Sitting in masks on the other side of the yard. This is 2020.
Alright, I'll do a more legit entry later.