- 2:11 PM - February
- My life stopped on
January 26th. No other way to describe it. I'm writing
today only beacuse it's the last day of the month and
4 entries seems a bit more responsible than
- In reality a lot
went on last year that still resonates today and I can
no longer gloss over it and be fair to The Journey.
- Talya and I had to
write a really difficult letter to a family member in
July and though we knew he'd be angry and this would
change our relationship, we weren't expecting to have
zero reaction. Ghosting our kids, complete erasure...
never even saying the letter was received. I knew he
wasn't the most considerate person, but this stunned
even us. We labored over the letter that was years in
the making. We shared it with other family members
before sending. It wrecked us to write it and it was
littered with how much I loved him... but we couldn't
keep acting like everything was OK. I personally
couldn't put my family in the situation anymore and we
knew this was a bomb. It was absolutely our choice to
not placate a bad situation and be superficial and
although I tried to touch on the situation with kid
gloves for a couple years? I could never pull the
trigger and say: DUDE, GET OUT. THIS, IS, BAD. We
crossed a threshold in June. We had to say something.
- Him completely
ghosting of course says everything about who he is. It
says that who he was the 7 years we spent with him was
somewhat "rose-colored glasses". There were times with
other family members that he was inconsiderate and of
course I was on his side... but it did strike me as
odd. He didn't invite some family to his wedding for
what was seemingly the tiniest of slights? Like crazy
shit. I told him then: "Dude, why would you not
invite them? That's a KING size slap in the face.
Family is forever dude". He ignored that. He didn't go
back for his grandmother's funeral... I mean. I
should've known there was something then.
I should've known. He would turn his back the
moment you said ANYTHING that was confrontational or
that he disagreed with...
- ...that being
said, if I had received a letter from a family
member saying they thought my wife was awful and that
they couldn't be around her? WHEW. I too wouldn't have
talked to the person for a bit. And when I did? It
would be to say goodbye. To say I loved them for all
they had done and that I'd never forget it but this is
my life now and we're gonna have to part ways for the
- It's a sad
situation for someone who I not only considered a
brother? He's the only person I ever have. It was
almost fatherly how I felt towards him. This big
brother responsibility that I took as seriously as any
role I've ever had. It's why I had to write that
letter. I was being an AWFUL brother by
continuing to act like that situation was OK. It
wasn't OK. It isn't OK. And I hated having to tip-toe
around someone I loved dearly for fear it might upset
him. For fear that this EXACT thing would've
- But it happened.
And my kids do not understand why he won't return my
calls. Why we can't facetime with him. He's in nearly
every video of them growing up. They love him to
death. He couldn't be bothered...
- ...that or he
couldn't handle what he'd come home to if he continued
- You're the first
person I wanted to talk to when Kobe passed, man. I've
written... what, 4 letters now since July? Half-dozen
of attempted calls? I think I'm done. What am I
fighting to get back? Do I want you around my kids if
you can turn them off this easily? You were the first
person to hold them other than me and Talya, dude. Do
you realize that? Do you realize that actually means
more than your current situation?
- Your grandmother's
funeral meant more. Your relationship with the
relatives you didn't invite to your wedding meant
Your father would be incredibly disappointed, man.
I mean - absolutely crushed. I know he's gone and
you don't have to listen to him say that to you... but
I know you can hear him. I know we're all in there
somewhere. Those 7 years we had where we shared
everything is in there somewhere.
- I loved you so
- PS - this pretty
much sums up my "lost month". Playing Jenga with Cam.
Man we've had the best month just hanging out and