- Entry
#2008
-
- 7:38 PM - February
24th, 2020
-
- What the fuck was
that. I mean what, the fuck... was
that?
-
- I spent the
first week after Kobe crying daily. Like weeping
crying. I got past that. I was sure the event today
would be more of a celebration. Beyonce started with
that song and it felt odd... but I guess this is how
some people celebrate tragedy? And then I saw
Vanessa... wait, what? She's THERE? Wait she's gonna
speak? Oh god I knew I wasn't gonna do
well.
-
- Talya and I curled
up in a ball on separate sides of the couch and just
criiiiiiiiiiiied. Well I thought I cried. And then I
saw my childhood hero lose it... and people? Not sure
I remember weeping like that in 20 years. It was
suddenly 1989. I was that kid. What he meant to me
then, he suddenly meant to me right now. And it
reminded of how I felt when Kobe first appeared
on the scene. I was and still am the biggest MJ fan of
all. My documentary this year will cement that I'm
sure... but when Kobe hit the scene and won the slam
dunk contest (which hit my brain as: the next Jordan?)
I wasn't angry or protective of MJ... I remember
thinking: COOL! Come at him! Let's see this! Then I
saw that dud speaking Italian and I was like what the
fuck is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis? Oh hell yes Kobe. Change
expectations. I loved Kobe. I was thrilled when
I moved to LA in 2000 to be able to have the
Lakers be my home town team. It was always in the
shadow of Jordan and in comparison to him. Which was
amazing... because Kobe fed off that.
Seeing Jordan up there talking about a relationship
that I did NOT know existed fucked, me, UP. They hid
that shit. I figured they respected each other but
didn't really talk like most of the icons of the game.
They're doing their own thing. We were all wrong. Wow.
And then the moment. To date, the biggest laugh-cry I
have ever imagined. I was clutching a pillow trying to
muffle the sound of me weeping when he mentioned the
crying meme and of... well that's obviously the
video:
-
-
- The release of
emotion... I laughed so loud and so long. Probably
because the felt like a more acceptable sound to make
next to your wife? I mean, I clearly don't hide my
emotions with my wife but peeps... I was losing it.
LMAO. Like... this shit hit me DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Fuckin' hell.
-
- So yeah, I've
pretty much lost a month of my life. February 2020
hardly existed. I may have 4 entries total and that's
pushing it. I have shunned everything and hugged
my family like never before. I don't want to do
anything else. I don't want go anywhere... and after
the craziness that was 2019? The Delorean business
seems to know that. Very little on the horizon (though
it does always seem to pick up about now and fill in
the rest of the year) and I'm enjoying every down
moment possible. I needed this.
-
- So, hopefully this
signals the end of the intense grieving period
for Kobe. I'm forever changed from this and I'm
stunned it has taken up so much space in my head/heart
and this Journey. Funny what hits you...
-
- Adam
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