Entry #2007
12:08 PM - February 11th, 2020
Every father of a daughter has felt the Kobe story deeper than most. There is someting redefining about having a daughter as it pertains to your self-awareness that you cannot easily put into words. It doesn't matter if you also have a son (you're a man - you instantly relate boys), a daughter means you have to jump outside of your comfort zone and see the world through their eyes constantly.
Now it should be noted, after 20+ years of this self-awareness project, I know that I have had that ability for my entire life to a fault. My empathy has scarred these pages and will continue to forever. Especially with women and I have no doubt it comes from being raised by a single mother. It is always their feelings first and as you can tell from my past usually 2nd, 3rd and 4th. By the time I get selfish the list of insanity that has occurred is unending. That did actually change with Talya because by the time we met I wanted nothing to do with another relationship and ironically neither did she. Of course we'd be married a year later.
But even with a lifetime of empathy towards women the "girl dad" thing is intense and lovely all at the same time. I guess what I didn't see coming? Was Vienna liking me this much. I know that sounds weird, but... her thinking I'm funny feels amaaaaaaaaaaazing. She also knows I never lie to her and expects me to always be that way. Always. I say things to her that are years past her age because I just, will, not, lie... and even though she may not understand that? She expects it and it is one of the most supreme responsibilities I've ever known. And I'm sure you know where this is going... that's what she is going to expect from her significant others. And I'm hoping it's a "go fuck yourself" slap in the face when others lie. I hope she gets up and leaves the moment she spots it. She is very shy and constantly apologetic by nature (no matter how many times we tell her she has nothing to apologize for - it's just in her), and I desperately want her to stand on truth. Demand truth. It, above all else, is what will keep you centered in times of trouble.
So she told me there's this new game at school called "prisoner" where you have to throw the ball at each other and yell their name and catch it and their out and yadda yadda I have no idea... what I do know is that she wanted to beat the boys and needed practice.
We spent 2-3 days throwing the ball at each other and she specifically wanted it thrown pretty hard. Whew. I mean, she's not a tomboy... but I wanted her to be prepared so she was successful... so jesus I was beaning this girl. And it was so tough... but we kept laughing and she was cool. The security cam caught a few tosses so I'll throw something together...
She cam back the following day and of course no one wants to play that game anymore. LMAO. This girl practiced all fuckin' weekend and they're all like: nah let's just play something else. Oh well. But it was the first time she had shown an interest in competing with boys and kicking the shit out of them and oh... oh god it was my mission for her to make a boy cry. Like I was like KILL KILL KILL. FUCK THEM UP. DON'T YOU DARE CRY... YOU JUST KILL KILL KILL.
Wasn't that bad, but man it hit a thing in my brain that I'll never forget. Love you V.