- 8:55 AM - February
- A week has passed
since Kobe and his daughter died and I've been a
little embarassed to admit how much it has hurt me.
How depressed I am. How I still haven't completed a
day without bursting into tears. How I wake up in the
middle of the night and fall into YouTube traps of
Kobe or even analyzing the crash and trying to figure
out why on earth they came down at that speed. The
audio from th nest cams is chilling and I cannot
seem to stop obsessing.
- I'm tired of the
online arguments over his accusation from '03, tired
of people being angry that there's not enough mourning
over the others that died (we didn't know them, duh).
But it all kind of goes in one ear and out the other.
I feel like I haven't moved since it happened.
And I don't want to move. I want Animal Crossing to
come out and I want us all to play it, every day,
never move and have literally nothing change. I'm not
doing well. As I wrote in the initial Kobe entry it
hit me on so many different levels and my connection
with my wife and kids is so strong... I'm just not
doing well. No other way to say it.
- Business is also
abnormally slow. I missed out on a week of work to
someone who was closer (understandably) and for the
first 3 months of this year we're looking at maybe 5
gigs? We average over 8 per month. So something is
clearly up but that's why I always save. We're fine.
But me not being up and about and talking to people is
hurting my psyche a bit. I love being a husband
and dad... but miss being just a random person to
others. I miss having friends outside of my
family. That is of course the othe cloud hanging over
this that I have yet to address or have unlocked
within these pages. That may have to change
- For now we all
drive around this city incapable of not being
- It feels like
we've all stopped.