9:44 PM, Wednesday, September 18th 2019:
Very strange ability I have to just transform. It doesn't even feel like weight loss. It's a metamorphosis.
So two months ago, as you can tell from the locked entries, I went through some SHIT. Some of the shittiest shit I've ever had shat upon me and I'm still kind of reeling from it. And it's my worst issue to boot: miscommunication mixed with the persons involved refusing to talk about it or even read what happened. To the point of literally handing your phone to a "friend" and begging them to just read the texts. Nope, won't do it. That type of situation will BREAK me. Like, I can handle divorces, confrontations... anything. A complete unwillingness to communicate about something that revolves around your own reputation? Oh dear. Sign me up for the psycho ward there. I will literally spend a lifetime trying to make certain the truth is known.
The good news however, is that it resulted in me focusing on my appearence. Which means the magical secret of, gasp, eating less and moving more. I still have a good 20-25 pounds to go but I clearly look like "Adam" again. Whatever that really means...
Fat bearded Adam is still me. But it's me dealing with so many things I just can't be bothered to care about what I look like. And truthfully? It means I'm handling some pretty big things. I'm being wildly productive... when I look like a normal human male however, it means I have been focusing really hard on ME. It usually only lasts a few months LOL. Each time I'm certain I'll find some routine that will allow me to stay in a normal weight range for the rest of my life and I just never do. Won't stop me from trying. The problem is the moment I let my guard down either because life is pressin' on me or I want to let HAPPINESS in... I eat. A lot. And it's fun. And I love it. And the regiment I have to keep up to stay fit is so far outside of who I am that I can only pull it off for a limited amount of times... but my hope is that I can find some middle-ground. Where I was in France was just too much man. But man, you will all understand when you see Fastest Delorean 2. Whew. It's one helluva story.
As was today. The Delorean was on the set of "Let's Make a Deal" and I can't say shit or show shit until APRIL FUCKING 2020. Is that crazy? The fuck. So annoyed. But it'll be awesome when it comes out.