10:10 AM, Friday, February 15th, 2019:
Strange Valentine's Day yesterday.
Or, just completely normal. I'm almost bored at the variety. I'm in such a weird place.
But one thing stood out when people reacted to me "hanging" with Juliette Lewis all day. It's absolutely nothing like they think - NOR is it anything like most people in my position ACT like it is. So I made this video:
Not to be a buzzkill, but I didn't "work" with her - nor did the lighting guy. Ya know? The photographer and her make-up artist. I'll give that to 'em. But the rest of us are wall paper. I mean, we're necessary... I don't mean to demean the job - but we're all just doing a job.

And me, more than ANYONE there, has NO job. Like... I sit around ALL DAY playing Nintendo, trying to stay on a diet, and scrolling Facebook. Bored out of my FUCKING MIND. It's fun that I'm making buckets of money, sure. But... my I just don't have the personality to care about that. I'm the weirdo that feels that if he still has a mortgage? He has no disposable income. Ya know? I ALWAYS feel like everything is gonna disappear and although I'm getting better? It's pretty hardwired in.

So this is just a day where I didn't get to create anything...

...even though I made a video, wrote an essay, made the entry bar, etc... even THAT is just busy work after doing it for 20 years.
I'm pretty clearly in a rut. I have been for awhile now. I wonder what will get me out of it?