2:18 PM, Monday, May 21st, 2018:
The video pretty much says it all...
I really could have made this video several times this year. It all just happened to hit me on this gig. Oh and I should probably throw the voice-over in here:
It's been awhile since a video like this, but the foundation of the journey was always being honest even when it makes you look bad, knowing it will later be found and used against you... it's a good way toweed out the bad people, the judgy people and the people that were never your friends.
So that's my opening salvo in what is the most ridiculous, first-world, nearly humble-braggingly bullshit diatribe I'm about to throw down.
I was paid handsomely to tow my car 6 hours to San Jose for an event with their professional soccer team the San Jose Earthquakes. I was miserable the entire time, wanted nothing to do with it. I felt responsible to make the couple thousand dollars because of my family, but actively looked for other people to do the event and I was the only person that could.
This, is, entitlement. This, is, being soft. This is a problem 99% of the people would kill to have.
It kills me to say this because I thrive on hard work, an insane work ethic and doing things no one else would even attempt. But maybe therein lies the answer:
I already proved this whole RentTheDelorean.com thing worked. I'm kind of over it? Dude I can hear people wanting to punch the screen right now. But, I mean, Memorial Day will kick off the FIFTH year of doing this job and the "fun" aspect of it was erased the moment that engine was swapped and it became the most unreliable car of all-time... my headspace is so full being a mechanic as well as the guy running the business and the driver or documentarian or spokesman or MOTHERFUCK CAN I PLEASE JUST SING A SONG like I was SUPPOSED TO DO MY WHOLE LIFE? DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
For whatever reason, with this gig it all just hit me. The lonely hotel rooms, the lonely drives, the
continual push out of responsiblity for your family and mortgage although your heart is LONG GONE.
And everyone watching this is saying: WELCOME TO THE PLANET, FUCK HEAD. That's what WE DO EVERY DAY and we SURE AS FUCK DON'T DO IT IN A TIME MACHINE. Nor do we have people buying us food, drinks and hotel rooms while "WORKING."
So yeah I get it, but I have to continue to be honest here even though they're right. The Journey is
about how this all feels. It feels soul crushing. It just does.
It's a catch-22 of course. I remember during the second half of 2016 wishing for gigs exactly like this. For some reference, in the last 6 months of 2016 we had 23 events. In March and April of this year we had 26. I've done 30 in 10 weeks, I'm just burnt out. The money doesn't lessen my stress level and that's another bizarre twist: what does success feel like if failing feels the same? Ya know? Success to me is the freedom to do whatever the hell you want even if that means doing NOTHING. That doesn't happen with RentTheDelorean.com unless you have NO BUSINESS. So it's a tough situation. It will slow down and I would hate myself if I ever gave up any of these opportunities because of momentary misery...
...but make no mistake. I'm pretty miserable wrapping my life around this car. Oh what I'd give for someone to be able to solve the problems with it. Whew.