3:49 PM, Sunday, February 11th, 2018:
So yeah. Not even sure why you'd follow The Journey now because everything that's happened in the past 24 hours is 100% on video and will be saved for the film. Including a panic attack and most likely a damaged converter box (at $300 - the entire computer is $150 - sigh) and ending with the ridiculousness of Raphael the Repo Man DRAGGING ME HOME.
I mean, he was so sweet and so wanted to help and was so SURE it would work I just believed him. On the phone I started to get an idea of what he was going to do and I started to stop him but he kept saying "no no it'll work!"
I mean, it did? But my heart is going to explode one of these days. The stress of being dragged 2 feet from a car that you can't afford to BUMP because there's electronics on your FUCKING BUMPER is some white knuckle shit I won't soon forget. And to be honest the anxiety was so high, I just gave up. I just laughed. What are you gonna do man. I'm out of AAA tows already this year and yup, this saved me like $300. I bought the new box from my phone while waiting for Raphael and we'll know Wednesday if that's all that's needed. I think the 2nd fire damaged the box, but it thankfully worked at least enough times for me to GET to the gig. The ride was uneventful other than me wanting to pass out because I couldn't see behind me. That's the real story of the gig...
The PTSD of a car fire is that the last thing you saw while driving that car is the smoke. Usually you're not driving that same car after a fire of that size so soon... but I was. And when I looked in the mirror to see if it was smoking? It was night. So I pulled over and checked it. All good. But once on the highway you can't do that and suddenly I started to lose it. I thought I was gonna die. Every fucking minute. Then you think you're gonna get in an accident because of the anxiety over the nonexistent fire. Then you realize the only thing that's keeping it from NOT exploding is YOUR MECHANICAL EXPERTISE. I would not trust me for a SECOND. So... yeah, the whole thing was awful. But I made it there and made it home and now I need to take a few days off. I'm not doing well. No other way to say it.
Gotta fight on.