1:26 PM, Wednesday, July 5th, 2017:
Took me a couple days to decide whether this was disrespectful or appropriate. I mean, shit some people take selfies at the casket - we live in interesting times - but I'm not some people. I in no way wanted to lessen the moment of Talya's grandmother passing...
...however something beautiful happened while I wrangled the kids during the 5+ hours of "funeral stuff". I, too, got to be 3 and 4. I got to lay on the floor and color. I got to play with cars on the carpet designs (something I did as a toddler when my great grandmother died). I got to answer their innocent questions of what was happening and live inside their brains at the first time they were experiencing everything. I made sure they were at each part even if they didn't understand it. I wanted them to understand traditions and patterns that they will go through in life. It doesn't matter if you believe in ANY of it... it's part of life to respect how OTHERS deal with everything. I have a very high regard for these ceremonies and respect the fuck out of what it means to the people participating. Or, strangely, what it meant to the deceased and how THEY wanted it to be. I personally leave ALLLLL that shit up to the remaining people when I'm gone, 'cause, well, they're the ones that have to do it. I'm dead. Whatever they think will be the most fun way to spend a day of rememberance? Do that. Then again, I will most likely already have the documentary completed and ready for them to hit PLAY upon everyone's arrival at the theater.

Oh, I guess I want it at a theater? LOL.
So I asked some people on Facebook and spoke with my mother who was super sensitive to me sharing anything so personal and I finally pieced together something I think will have value to the two of them as they grow up...
That's what it felt like being with them at that time. Proud of that. Hard to capture that, really. Because, it wasn't about anyone else but them and at 3 and 4? That's ok. Vienna actually asked some beautiful questions but I didn't get those recorded nor do I think I would've shared them as that actually felt too personal. But the idea that we were always in the back of the room just observing? Was just beautiful. There was no need to have them right up in the middle of it all.... but they got to feel the moment and live in their moments.
That's pretty much the point of life, no?