- 3:17 AM, Thursday,
June 29th, 2017:
- The problem with
years like this in The Journey with so much going on
is that space usually relegated for the day-to-day
stuff disappears. Unfortunately, that's the stuff that
is the heart and soul of the project: feelings,
thoughts, balance... it's what I long to read
years from now and what I long to WRITE during
the moments. Facebook now takes much of that energy
and truly, it's better suited for it. The Journey
entries should be a bit more monumental in nature as
they're numbered and set in stone...
- ...of course the
reason for the insomnia of 2017 is so much more than
this bullshit with my brother. Oh it helps. To have to
share a betrayal of that magnitude weighs on you for
quite awhile and certainly keeps you up. It's why
I want the
GODDAMNED DOCUMENTARY TO BE COMPLETE...
but there's a general attitude throughout my very day
that I just don't care about anything that
much. Obviously, my wife and kids are excluded -
they're fun. Even if they weren't fun, they're just
ME. But the world around me? Whew. It's not
- I've gone from
presuming we're at a crossroads in this country to not
only believing it - upping the ante: this experiment
known as the US is done. I am slightly interested
in how our constitution handles the situation that is
this president and the cyber-attack by Russia... but I
don't actually think it matters. We aren't a world
leader anymore in any capactiy other than bombs.
Which, is clearly something, but it was a lot
MORE something when we also were an energy leader
or scientific leader, etc. We're none of that. The
world is now leap-frogging us in nearly every capacity
and other than a handful of states (thankfully
California is one of them), you're better off living
in another country. The quality of life is
THAT much better. It's not even close. From
common-sense gun laws to common-sense health care to
wages... it's unbelievable that half of this country
fights for the right to help their bosses make
exponentially more money than them while they get shit
on. This is Fascism and while fascinating, I just
don't care anymore. I don't feel I have a
vested interest. I'm saving ALLLLLLLL my money
and I'm telling loud and clear - when the time comes?
I will have no issue jumping ship. I don't
think this is the end of our civilization,
I think it's the end of the US meaning
anything. If our system of government
honest-to-loving-fuck cannot fix the problem of Trump?
There is no system of government. Trump is an
exagerrated example of an impeachable offense in so
many different ways, it's worthless to talk about it.
It's like trying to argue with someone who doesn't
think the term "Nigger Cunt Sucker" is
- What the fuck do
you say to that? You don't. You just let it go, stop
caring and accept that this IS the downfall of the
Republic and it's not worth saving. It was valiant
experiment but it was upended by a simple man
invalidating the press to the point of impotence.
Sure, they didn't help much with their race to be more
entertaining than the next channel, but make no
mistake - Trump and his minions erased them
completeley. They filled the landscape with fabricated
stories to the point of exhaustion and called the
other side fake. It decimated the information
landscape and there's no returning. Not sure why it
hasn't happened to other civilized nations with the
same speed as the US, but maybe it's coming and we
really are all doomed. Who knows...
- ...but every
single part of me thinks this country is over. My only
hope is a civil war but I don't see enough people
putting their phones down to actually participate...
so we meander into irrelevance. The only relevance is
the rest of the world saying "oh, wait, are they gonna
blow us all up? Well, until then we'll keep investing
in sustainable energy, trying to make things work,
etc." It's all you can do, but the US can no longer
actually LEAD with this type of electorate and leader.
And if our system of checks and balances can't figure
THIS out? GUESS WHAT COMES NEXT!
HoLEEEEEEEE SHIT. This is the beginning. Imagine
an INTELLIGENT Trump. Fucking hell man. If there
is no accountability for Trump? It will be so bad in a
couple of generations people will FLEE. My family will
be RIGHT THERE. And I shit you not - if it
wasn't for living in California? I would be studying
now on the potential move. California might as well be
a different country. THANK GOODNESS.
- And of course, as
I said, it doesn't help that what I'm presently
focused on - I don't actually care about. That's
disheartening to say the least. This stupid fucking
car that can't get close to the horsepower or records
Kenny so flippantly said it could costing me $30,000
AND COUNTING. So just to
END THIS fucking nightmare I either
call it a loss, or keep trying to spend my way to the
record fixing mistake after mistake after mistake.
Whoopee. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
I just don't care...
I cannot and will not fail at this once I'm this
deep. Not an option. I'm certain now that on July 30th
when we run it again? I will bring my tools and
systematically TAKE APART THE CAR to
make a lighter vehicle and shave off 0.16 seconds. Not
because I care, mind you, because I want to
never fucking think about this as something in the
PRESENT or FUTURE.
IT MUST BE IN THE PAST.